“Have you ever been in a ménage?” he asked suddenly, not knowing where the thought had come from.
Maya let out a dry laugh. “Not a lasting one. You know I’ve been with two men at once. We talked about it after tequila that one time. But I know of ménages that work in real life. In fact, a woman that works with my cousin in New Orleans lives in a permanent bisexual ménage.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if we’re quite there yet. I think I need to be in a room with Border longer than ten minutes to figure that out.”
“It feels weird to talk about this without Border here,” Jake said after a moment.
“Then we wait until he comes back for us to talk about that part of what might happen.”
“So, you and me? Is this going to happen?” Clear and concise. As long as they put it all on the table, they could do this.
“Are you talking about sex? That we should only have sex? Or what?”
“I’m not saying that.” Though images of him and Maya having sex filled his mind and he had to swallow hard to settle himself.
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m saying if it was just sex, I wouldn’t be with you.” He winced. “I wouldn’t risk what we have for just sex.”
“But that means whatever we do, whatever this is, it’ll be a thing. Something serious. Something that means more than kisses and whatever else might go on. It’s a big step, Jake.”
“I’m not saying that either,” Jake bit out, confused as hell.
“Sure sounds like it.”
“I’m saying that if we have sex, there will be feelings. No matter what. Our roles as friends, as best friends, have responsibilities. And one of those is to be aware of those feelings. I’m not just talking about broken hearts and what could become of this, of us, I’m talking about everything.”
“So it’s more than sex, more than just wanting each other.” Maya paused. “And whatever could happen with you and Border later.”
“Of course, it is.” Jake sighed. “It’s you and me, Maya. We’ve always been a duo in a way. So much so that everyone thinks we’re already together as it is. It’s you and me,” he repeated. “But I’m also not taking you to the altar right now either.”
Maya’s eyes widened. “Fuck, dude. We’re not…I mean…hell. This is confusing.”
“I know. It’s murky, and pretending it’s not insults us both.”
“And what about Border?” Maya asked. “Because if we’re talking about things being murky, then he’s part of that.”
“Border is part of it. Part of the past and…now…fuck. See? It’s all too much?” Jake shook his head. “Maybe we need to take a step back and figure things out because I feel like I’m scrambling here.”
Maya was quiet for so long that he was afraid he’d lost her. “Then let’s not complicate things. Let’s do what we should have done before and not think too hard.”
Jake scowled. “We have to think.”
“Then fuck me.”
Jake met her eyes and blinked. “That’s the whole problem right now. Fucking. Feelings. All of it.”
“Fuck me and know that it’s more than sex because I love you like my best friend. And we will see what happens. But know that I’m always going to love you like my best friend. Meaning, whatever happens, whatever happens, I’m not going away. Things won’t change on that end.” She clenched her jaw. “They won’t.”
“They can’t change,” Jake said after a moment. “I won’t let them. Other things will change. But what we had? Our foundation? That won’t change.”
“But?” Maya asked. “Because I know there’s a but in there.”
“But know that going into this, I’m going to do my best not to fuck this up. I’m going to show you what we could maybe have, and try not to think too hard. And what happens with Border? Well, I don’t know. Because it’s all too much, you know?”
Maya cupped his face. Her hands were soft on his skin, and he wanted to lean into her hold but barely stopped himself. “Stop thinking.”
“It’s kind of hard when we’re about to change everything.”
Maya searched his face. “Okay. Then stop making yourself sick over it. Have me, be with me. Do what we should have done before and what we’ve danced around for far too long.” She paused. “And be with Border if you need to.” Jake opened his mouth to say something, and she shook her head. “I’m not like my sisters, you know that. I’ve always been a little more open, so this isn’t going to be any different. Be with him and be with me. And once we get to know one another, maybe we’ll all be together. But you need to find your way, Jake. And I’m selfish enough to want to find my path with you, as well. This is serious, but we’re not going to take ourselves too seriously. That’s the difference.”
He didn’t know what god or goddess he’d been blessed to know in a former life, because the light that shined down on him now at the thought of this woman would forever have his gratitude.
Here was a woman, stronger than anyone else he knew, who wanted to not only be with him, but wanted him to find out how he felt about being with another man. That had to be unheard of, and yet here he was, living it.