Her laughter floated over me as I locked myself in my room and prepared to finish what we’d started—only this time, alone.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, it seemed Janelle was on a roll. By the end of the week, I didn’t think I stood a chance anymore and started to question if bringing her back for her family was worth it. I didn’t even want to look at the scorecard, knowing I was not in the lead—not even close.
Monday after work, I came home and found her finishing up whatever dinner she’d made for herself. She stood at the sink and rinsed the bowl, while I rummaged through the fridge, searching for anything to fill my empty stomach.
“You know…it’d be nice to have supper ready to eat when I got home. I mean, it doesn’t have to be coming out of the oven as soon as I pull into the driveway, but what good is it to have a stay-at-home wife when I still have to make my own food after busting my ass all day in the office?” I’d meant it partly as a joke, but in all honesty, I was serious about how nice it would’ve been to come home to something to eat.
“Are you seriously suggesting I cook dinner for you, and then serve it to you when you get home? You’re sadly mistaken if you think having me here would be similar to ordering a wife through a catalog.” She threw her head back and released a bellowing laugh.
“No. I think you’re my wife who’s living in my house for free, and considering we both need to eat something around this time every day—that bowl you’re cleaning proves my point—I figured it wouldn’t hurt if you made enough for two.”
She huffed but didn’t object, so I left behind a grocery list on the counter before I left for work the next day, along with cash to cover it, and came home to a fully—overly—stocked kitchen. She definitely got every item on the list, so I didn’t have much room to complain. I’d asked for milk, but apparently, she needed me to specify which kind, and “there were so many options ranging from whole to reduced fat, and then the soy, cashew, and almond varieties, I just got them all to make sure you had what you wanted.” I now had an entire shelf dedicated to every option of milk one could imagine. Although, rather than grumble, I simply smiled, thanked her, and said, “At least I won’t have to worry about a calcium deficiency.”
As for dinner, I did come home to something to eat every night.
Much like the milk debacle, I wasn’t specific enough.
It seemed I was looking at six months’ worth of ham sandwiches for supper.
But again, I didn’t protest. I made sure to thank her every single night and tell her how amazing it was. She more than likely expected me to have some comment, but I didn’t give her anything. Honestly, had we not been against each other, I would’ve given her a high-five and bragged to everyone I knew about how devious she was. But we weren’t partners, and I was the one who ended up on the wrong end of that conspiracy.
With everything that had gone on last weekend—Ronnie showing up at my house, finding out that fucker had been there, the family drama Sunday evening, and then the underwear-on-the-couch scheme that blew up in my face that night—I’d totally forgotten about the package being delivered.
The original one, the one I’d made her stay home to sign, never existed. But after I got back from the lake and noticed she’d cleaned the house, I felt bad, and before going to sleep that night, I’d ordered something so I wouldn’t look like I’d lied, and she wouldn’t feel as though she’d stayed home for nothing. There was only one problem—I’d forgotten all about it.
After devouring my home-cooked peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner on Thursday, I sat on the couch and played a round of poker on my phone while she lounged on the loveseat with her face in a book. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she dropped her feet from the coffee table and jumped up. Returning about a minute later from her room, she held up a small brown box.
“Something was delivered for you today.”
I exited the app and locked my phone, giving her my undivided attention. “Oh, good. I’m glad it finally got here. It’s only a few days late, huh?”
“Funny thing…I didn’t have to sign for it.”
“Huh.” I ran my hand along my jaw in mock intrigue, praying like hell I didn’t lose yet another battle. “That’s strange. But you know how those delivery guys can be. So many things going on they probably didn’t even think about it. Oh well. At least it got here.”
Even though I held my hand out for her to give it to me, she refused. With one fist perched on her hip and the other holding up the small box as if it were evidence in a murder trial, on display for the jury, she cocked her head and continued. “Yeah…except UPS didn’t drop it off. It came with the regular mail.”
“Damn. I guess I mixed that whole thing up, didn’t I?”
“Well, you see, I opened the package—”
“Which is a federal offense.”
“I’m your wife. Sue me.” She flashed an arrogant grin and went on. “I just wanted to see if it was the watch you had ordered, the one you expected to come last Saturday, because if it was, I planned to raise hell over the delay of the delivery, as well as the lack of signature required. And you know what I found on the packing slip, Holden?”
At this juncture, there really was no point in doing anything other than sitting back and scrutinizing the show. So rather than keep up the pretense, I shrugged and let her finish.
“It seems the watch wasn’t even ordered until Saturday. What I don’t know is…did you order it before or after making me stay home all day instead of going out on the boat and having fun with my brother?”
It seemed I’d reached the proverbial fork in the road. I could’ve come up with some kind of lie, or at the very least, something to prolong it and give me more time. Or I could’ve told her the truth, that I made her stay behind to get back at her for something I claimed didn’t bother me. It was a tough decision to make, but in the end, I did what was best.
I glanced at my phone, pressed the home button until it lit up, and said, “Oh, hold on. I have to take this.” I then held it up to my ear and pulled myself from the couch. “Hey, so good to hear from you. Listen, give me a sec, I have to go to the other room.”
I made it five steps away from my bedroom door before the universe proved how much it hated me. With my phone to my ear, in the middle of talking, the damn thing rang. Luckily, I had my back to Janelle, but that didn’t end her maniacal laughter that followed me into my room, even long after I closed the door behind me.
Still, none of that stopped me from spending the day on Saturday with her.
“Tennis shoes? You want me to wear tennis shoes? Where are you taking me?” Her shrill voice coupled with her wide eyes made me laugh.