“I appreciate that, Nik. I really do. But let’s be real—every single one of you got to go to school. You, Stacey, and Rachel all attended college away. I don’t recall you guys being home much during those years. You got to live in a dorm, make friends, go to parties, and no one here gave you a guilt trip for not spending every holiday at the house. But when I do it, I’m crucified and treated like a runaway when I come back.”
She squeezed my hand in a genuine show of support. “I fully understand where you’re coming from, and you’re right, it’s not fair. You’ve been held to a different standard than the rest of us, simply because you’re so much younger than we are. And I hate that for you. You had just as much right as we did to do all those things and be young, it’s just hard for some of us to recognize that, because we’ve all moved into a different period in our lives.”
“Exactly, and I’m the one being punished for being young. Just because I don’t have a kid like you did at my age, or married like Matty and Christine, that somehow means I’m less. Maybe I don’t want to get married or have kids. Maybe I want to own my own business and focus on that. That doesn’t mean I’m somehow not as valuable as any of you.”
“No one said you’re not. And I’m not making an excuse, only offering you something to think about in the event you want to see things from our perspective. We were so used to you being here all the time—at least, I know I was. So when you went away, it was hard, but not as hard as it was when you stopped coming back. It’s like…you were here, then in the blink of an eye, you were gone. Add to it, we were all older and moving into the land of parenthood and dealing with real life. The age gap between us was so monumental during that time. We kind of all banded together, and now that you’re back, we’re realizing we had left you out of major things in our lives. I can’t speak for the others, but I’m willing to bet any resentment you’re picking up on isn’t meant for you. I know I, for one, feel like shit for not keeping you in the loop over the last few years. And I don’t think I’m alone in that.”
I hugged my sister, thankful for the insight she bestowed upon me. I felt it was the first time someone other than Matt had opened up to me honestly since I’d returned. Rather than try to convince me everyone was happy that I was back, she actually gave plausible reason to the hesitation I felt. I agreed that it wasn’t my fault, and it shouldn’t have been taken out on me, but at least now I could try to understand the issue and work toward finding a solution.
Holden, however, acted very strange for the rest of the evening. He behaved normal around my family, but in my presence, he refused to look at me, and any conversation was short and awkward. Most of his dialogue was mumbled and barely understood. It bothered me, but what I found more frustrating was that I had to wait until we left to make any effort to fix it, considering he avoided any possibility of time alone with me.
Nevertheless, I tried to block that out and attempted to make the most of my time with my family. Rachel and I carried on an easy, surface-level conversation at the dinner table about the event-planning business I wanted to start. It drew in others, and eventually, I felt as though I belonged again.
I rode that high all the way up until it was time to leave. That’s when anxiety hit me, knowing I’d be alone with Holden the entire ride home. After his silent treatment this afternoon, I expected him to be quiet, ignore me. Needless to say, I was rather surprised when he had so much to say once we backed out of the driveway.
“You went to the sports complex last night? The same one I took you to the night of your prom?”
“Yup.” I avoided looking in his direction, even though I could feel his stare burning into the side of my head. I debated on telling him the truth, but I didn’t have the nerve. I had no idea how he would’ve taken it, and I didn’t care to hear his opinion.
“So if Nikki’s right, and you’re telling me the truth, that means you got off in the car.”
I closed my eyes and groaned inwardly. “Maybe.”
“I can’t imagine there’d be that much room over there with the steering wheel in the way, unless he’s a really small guy, and since this is your car, I’m assuming he was here. Which means…” He shifted in the seat and held his hands out as though he was afraid to touch anything. “Which means his bare ass was right here. I feel dirty.”
In my peripheral vision, I saw him lean forward, but it wasn’t until I realized he’d reached for the glove box that I jerked into action. My right arm swung into him—like a mother protecting her child in the front seat—and I screamed, “No!” Although, I elongated the two-letter word until it sounded more like an obnoxious cry of desperation comprised of eighty-seven of the worst sounding syllables ever put together. And yet even that wasn’t enough to stop him before the latch came open.
The car swerved, and as soon as I saw something purple fall out and land at his feet, I gave up on righting the car and just pulled over to the side of the road, thanking the Lord we hadn’t made it out of my parents’ neighborhood yet. In fact, I not only pulled over, I threw the door open and got out. I had no idea what the plan was, but at that moment, I was more than willing to walk home—even in the most painful set of heels I’d ever worn.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Holden called out when he, too, left the vehicle and ran around the front to stop my irrational retreat. “Don’t take off like that. Let’s get back in the car and head home. If you don’t want to discuss it, then we don’t have to…although I am kinda intrigued.”
I rolled my eyes and tried to step out of his hold, but the way he gripped my shoulders made it hard to get away. “No. This is really embarrassing, and I’d very much like to just disappear if that’s all right with you.”
He snickered and pulled me closer to his body, where I tucked my face into the space below his chin and pretended I was invisible. And while we stood there on the side of the road, he wrapped his arms around me and began to rub my back in soothing circles. “At this point in time, I could literally make half a dozen assumptions, and any one of them could be accurate. I understand you don’t want to talk about it, and it’s none of my business, but I’m really interested in the reason why a dildo just fell out of your glovebox.”
I groaned again, this time out loud. His shirt absorbed most of it, the material holding in the heat of my breath and warming my face like I sat too close to a fire. “I bought it at the mall yesterday.”