I Do(n't)

“I feel like I didn’t get to talk to you much last week.” Nikki took the empty seat next to me on the back deck, where I sat alone and watched the guys and kids run around with a football in the yard. “There just seemed to be so much going on, and I didn’t even realize it until we all left. So…how’s it going? Are you enjoying being back?”

At first, I thought this was a trick. I halfway expected one of them to come ask me things to get on my good side, and then congregate in a corner, or the kitchen, and discuss it like some clicky high school group of girls. But when I turned to take in Nikki’s stare, I realized how wrong I was. Her completely genuine interest shone back at me, and it nearly made me melt, because this was the first time since returning that I felt like one of my sisters actually wanted me here.

“It’s an adjustment, but Holden’s keeping me on my toes.” I couldn’t fight the burning grin tugging on my lips when I focused my sight on the men running around in the grass and found Holden, carrying Nikki’s youngest daughter, Maggie—who was eight—over his shoulder.

“I bet he is.” The way she said it made me face her once more, picking up on the teasing in her tone. “Oh, baby sis…I have so many years on you that you should know it’s pointless to hide it. Not to mention, I’ve been through this with two other sisters before you, don’t forget.”

“Been through what?” It was easy to play dumb. Because I seriously had no idea what she was talking about. “I’m not trying to hide anything.”

“You’re not? So you don’t care if we all know you and Holden are more than roomies?”

“What?” Shamelessly, my voice came out so high I was sure it rivaled one of Mariah Carey’s soprano notes. I wanted to look away so she wouldn’t catch my flaming cheeks, but I didn’t—I knew doing so would give me away faster than a preacher at his daughter’s shotgun wedding. “Why would you think that?”

“Aside from that?” With her finger pointed toward my face, she gestured to my expression using imaginary circles. “How about the way you came staggering in here like you just got off a bull? Or the glow you’re exuding, which can only be derived from a good orgasm. And let me just say this, Jelly.” She leaned forward, which I mimicked to prevent her from being overheard. “You’re lit up like the Christmas tree in Times Square, so I know it must’ve been good.”

Suddenly, it dawned on me. “You think…” I smiled for many reasons, but mainly out of relief that she didn’t know about Vegas. She could think Holden spent every day buried between my legs for all I cared, just as long as she didn’t find out the truth regarding my marital status.

“Oh, I don’t think…I know.”

“What if you’re wrong? What if it’s not Holden?”

“Really?” Her eyes widened, and her back went ramrod straight. “I want details. Who is it?”

“I’m not ready to talk about him quite yet. It’s still so new.” I waved her off, hoping that would’ve ended the conversation. I figured leading her to believe there was a mystery man in my life, one I wanted to keep a secret for now, would hold her off for a bit, at least until I could devise a breakup I’d want to keep on the down-low for obvious reasons.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

“Holden!” Nikki grabbed his attention as he tried to walk by to go inside.

When he glanced over and noticed us in the corner of the deck, he grinned and started to head over. Apparently, he completely missed me mouthing to him “go away” because he didn’t, in fact, retreat. He came all the way over and perched himself on the railing, wearing the same shit-eating grin he used when he knew he had an advantage in a situation.

“Do you know who Janelle’s mystery man is?” She was like a dog on a scent trail.

Before I could interrupt, Holden perked up and cocked his head in my direction. “Mystery man? I might have a clue. But it depends…what do you know?”

They were like co-conspirators the way they seemed to gravitate toward each other, practically rubbing their hands together in excitement. “She won’t tell me anything, but whoever it is has given little Janelle over here the orgasm glow.”

Humiliation weighted my eyelids, almost forcing them closed in a desperate attempt to save myself. But before I lost sight of him, I noticed his shoulders sag and the lines between his brows deepen as he turned his attention to me. I thought to shake my head, to let him know it wasn’t true, but then I reminded myself that I didn’t owe him an explanation. I’d given him one last weekend regarding Connor, but he didn’t need to know anything else. Plus, he’d never provided one to me when he invited Veronica into his bedroom right in front of me.

Holden pulled in a deep breath and straightened his posture, rolling his shoulders back. “Well, she went out last night and didn’t come home until after ten.”

“Interesting.” She turned her attention to me and asked, “Where were you?”

“I went shopping.” It was true. I even had a new pair of shoes to prove it.

“Alone?” When I nodded, my eyes glued to Holden, she continued. “What about after that? What did you do for dinner?”

“I ate at the food court in the mall.” Again, not a lie.

“Well, you weren’t there until after ten, so where did you go after shopping?”

That’s when my gaze fell from his face. “I drove around, listened to music. Parked at the sports complex near the house. And then I went home. Nothing to know, no juicy details. You’re looking far too hard into something that’s not there.”

Holden mumbled some excuse to get up and walked away, leaving me alone with Nikki, who I desperately wanted to strangle. I knew she didn’t do or say any of that to be malicious; she had no idea. But it didn’t stop me from being upset over the whole situation.

“I know you didn’t think about it, but you just made things really awkward between us.”

She stared at me with confusion brightening her eyes for a second, and then narrowed her gaze. “I’m sorry, Jelly. I had no idea. I guess I figured you two are friends, and you live together, so I didn’t imagine—”

“It’s okay. You didn’t know. But from now on, please refrain from talking to Holden about me and relationships. We’re just now getting to a good place where we can act normal around each other as roommates, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.”

“I guess I didn’t know there was anything wrong between you two.”

“I wouldn’t say wrong, but as you know, a lot of my relationships here became strained when I moved away. That was one of them.”

Remorse darkened her hazel eyes, and after a moment, she reached over to take my hand. “Don’t let any of it get to you, okay? We’re all happy you’re home, and we want you to stay.”

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