Silence, then, “You did what?”
I groan. “We were on the couch and he was comforting me. I couldn’t stop myself. . .”
“Did he kiss you back?” Megs asks in an excited whisper.
“Yes,” I say, breathless.
“And?”
“And then he left. Things were getting a bit heavy. He stopped and left. I’m so embarrassed Megs. I threw myself at him without even thinking. Maybe he has a girlfriend—”
“Nor? Stop it. Take deep breaths. This was bound to happen. You two are like fuel and fire. Just say, keep a safe distance until things cool down. Do you think your lady parts will behave?”
I giggle. “I’m keeping my distance—and my lady parts in check—that’s for sure.”
“Good. Okay, girlie. I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Love you.”
“Love you more.”
I hang up the call, smiling and sit up. I turn off the TV, turn off the lights, climb upstairs, and head to the bathroom. After brushing my teeth, I head to my bedroom, crawl on my bed, and finally lie down on the little space that is not occupied by my daughters. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and wait for sleep to claim me.
THE PAST WEEK HAS BEEN busy, preparing for Josh’s funeral. Soon I will be saying goodbye to my brother. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy just to stop from breaking down. I spend most of my nights at Nor’s house, sleeping on the couch and figuring out how to be a dad. If I wasn’t floundering around and Googling every piece of advice in a panic, I was smothering them with attention. I was having a hard time finding a balance, but Cora and Joce didn’t seem to mind. In fact, they welcomed it. Being close to my daughters makes things easier.
Simon arrived last night. Simon is currently staying at my parents’ house in the guest room downstairs. Last night we stayed up late catching up.
Right after the funeral, the crowd disperses heading for the row of cars parked twenty feet from Josh’s grave, ready to drive to my parents’ house for the wake. Elise and Elon wave at us as they head toward Elise’s Prius with Nick’s arm slung around Elon, holding her close. I’ve seen the way he looks at her, and I know he hasn’t gotten over his childhood crush on her.
Megs and Simon hang back to chat. They still seem awkward around each other. I watch as Nor and the girls walk slowly toward my parent’s car. After informing Megs and Simon that I’ll meet them at my parents’ house, I stride toward Nor. Just as she ushers Joce and Cora to my parent’s car, I grasp her arm. She stiffens and looks over her shoulder at me, her red-rimmed eyes wide, and frowns. Her face looks too pale and thin. Stress from the past years, being a care-taker and a mom rests heavily on her face. I don’t like seeing her like this. As much as I know how weird this sounds, I don’t care for the look on her face. Every time she looks at me with those eyes filled with pain, I feel a sharp sting stab me inside my chest and go straight to my heart. I can’t stand it anymore. That look on her face has to go.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, averting her gaze to my chest. Nor has been avoiding looking at me since that night we made out on the couch.
“I want you and the girls to ride with me in my truck.”
Her eyes flash with irritation and her cheeks flush, wiping off the desolate look of before. This is the first time I’ve seen her look alive in the past week. She has a right to mourn for him. She has done a good job, distracting the girls. As soon as she thinks no one is watching her, the curtain falls. But I see everything. In fact I think it’s a little disturbing how much I watch her, which is why the little flash of anger on her face makes me feel some sort of victory. Damn it, I’ll do anything to see that kind of passion again.
Her gaze flickers to my truck a few feet away and then back to me. She shakes her head and opens her mouth, most likely to protest. My grip on her arm tightens slightly.
“It is not a request, Nor.”
Her lips tighten and she mutters something under her breath. Joce and Cora whip around to stare at their mom in what I can guess is shock, then cover their mouths with their little hands, snickering.
“Mama said a bad word,” Cora signs. She slaps a hand over her mouth again, her shoulders shaking with laughter.
I don’t have to guess what Nor said, given the girls’ laughter and Nor’s blushing face. But I’m glad the somber mood is gone.
At least for now.
“Get in the car. I’ll talk to Mom and Dad.” I jerk my chin toward the truck. Cora and Joce scramble on the passenger seat, looking all too happy.
But not Nor. She thrusts her chin forward, her jaw locked and arms crossed on her chest. She glares at me, and I return the look, my hands propped on my hips.
She huffs. “You—you brute.”