“I beg to differ,” he says. “Hey, why don’t you come join us? We have lots of food and plenty to drink.”
I shake my head. “Thanks, but I’m going to head up to the house in a few minutes. I leave early tomorrow and want to get to sleep soon.”
He grins. “Want some company?” As tempting as that would have been a few years ago, I can’t bring myself to say yes. His eyes are eager and hopeful.
I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”
He shrugs. “Someone probably swept you off your feet years ago. I guess I’m too late.”
“Not exactly,” I say and realize the only person who’s ever swept me off my feet is Garrett.
“Looks like we have company.” He nods to my other side and another group of people are making their way down to the beach. A little girl runs toward the water, followed by a boy about half her size. They’re screeching and laughing with joy.
“Emily, Caleb! Don’t go in the water,” a woman, who I presume is their mother, calls after them. Several other people follow, and one of them waves toward us.
“Hi, Jake!” an older woman calls out. “Your parents here?” she asks.
“Hi, Becca. No, they’re not here this weekend.”
She nods and catches up with her friends. “Carly, wait up!” The group tosses blankets down.
I remember them. Becca’s family owns the house on the other side of Cassie’s. They’re older than us by at least ten years. We used to annoy them when we threw parties at Cassie’s. It almost became a sport for us to make sure our music was just a little louder than theirs. Cassie’s mom told us that Becca and her friends were notorious when they were younger, so we never felt bad about annoying the older crew. “Callie! Manny! Who has the wine?” she calls out and a tall man raises his hand, holding a large bottle of red.
The two little kids run through the surf and screech again. They must be freezing. Another man scoops them out of the water and runs to the dry sand, collapsing with them on his chest. “Daddy!” They squeal and they soon forget about the cold water.
I stand up, tucking my blanket under my arms, and pick up my chair. “It’s great seeing you again,” I say to Jake, and he looks disappointed.
“Are you sure you’re not up for some company?” he asks, persistent.
“No, not this time,” I say.
He suddenly pulls me against him into a warm, tight hug. He inhales deeply and kisses my cheek. “It’s really great seeing you again. You should give me a call sometime.”
I don’t respond as he reluctantly lets me go.
“Bye, Jake,” I say and walk up to the house, waves crashing behind me.
The house is quiet and peaceful. As appealing as it was to be invited to join the party on the beach, I just don’t have it in me to be social. I’m here for a solo retreat, and I intend to hold true to that. I see Jake run up to the bonfire and plop into the sand next to his brother. Justin pats him on the back and their laughter carries through the air.
How simple would it be to invite Jake in for the night? Where would that lead? A night of steamy, unattached sex? I don’t think I can open my bed or my heart to anyone else.
Ever again.
Garrett ruined me.
Garrett
Present
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 27
“ARE YOU READY, LITTLE MAN?” I ask Kai as I grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
“Da-da,” he says and claps his hands. It makes me so happy that he says ‘Da-da.’ The other words he has in his repertoire are ‘ball’ and ‘bye.’ I remove him from his high chair, and crumbs fall from his lap into the seat. He’s a mess, but he doesn’t seem to care.
I carry him out the back door, down to the pool house. I’ve been trying to come out here at least every other day to swim. To relax me. To connect with her.