“I don’t see why not.” Max smiles and walks into the kitchen, unlocking a series of gates along the way.
I slowly climb the staircase and follow the soft pings of music coming from his room. I open the door and tip-toe in. My nose fills with his baby smells, and the soft scent of powder relaxes me. I feel at home in his room, and I slide out of my shoes so I can feel the thick carpet between my toes. The aromas and sounds begin to relax me. I reach the crib and peer in. He’s on his back with his head turned to the side. His Dalmatian and my Googie are clasped in either hand. His breaths are even and peaceful, and I could stand here all day taking in all of his perfections. I back away and sink into the rocking chair. This chair was my bed for months, and I close my eyes, trying to feel the weight of Kai against my chest. While those times were heart-wrenching and difficult, I try to remember the moments when we bonded. His cries would fill this room and stab through my heart.
Tears come to my eyes as I realize how incredibly far Kai’s progressed. How incredibly far Garrett has, too. I look over at the crib and watch the instruments spin slowly above him. That’s when a large picture on the wall catches my eye. It’s a close-up of Kai and me, our faces pressed against each other. Our smiles are huge. Two teeth peek out from his gums, and his mouth is wet with drool. His hands are on either side of my face, and he’s about to plant a wet, slobbery kiss on me. I remember the exact day that picture was taken, but it seems like a distant memory.
I pull the blanket to my nose and inhale his scent.
Why did everything have to change?
My eyes become heavy and I allow myself to drift off to sleep.
“MA-MA! MA-MA!” I HEAR, and it feels like I’m dreaming. I open my eyes, and Kai is standing in his crib, squealing. “Ma-ma!”
Garrett steps into view and walks over to the crib. I shake my head and wonder if I’m still asleep. “Hey, little guy, what are you saying?” Garrett asks as he lifts his son out of the crib. Kai’s giggles fill the room, and he squirms out of Garrett’s arms. As soon as his feet hit the carpet, he’s running clumsily toward me in the chair.
He reaches me quickly and throws himself into my arms.
“Hey, Kai. I’ve missed you,” I say and pull him against me. He’s squirming in my lap and says again, “Ma-ma.”
Garrett says quietly, “He’s been saying that for the past few days. Every time he sees your picture or hears your name.” He sits down on the bed and faces us.
“Really?” I ask, and Kai plants a wet kiss on my cheek.
“Yeah, I don’t know where it came from.” He scratches his head and smiles as he watches Kai and me together.
“Da-da?” he says and points toward Garrett.
Garrett smiles and waves to his son.
His face becomes softer and he says to me, “How have you been?” He shifts uncomfortably on the bed, and Kai wiggles out of my lap and runs to his toy box on the other end of the room. He pulls the top open and begins digging through it, looking for toys.
“I’m good,” I say and begin to fold the blanket that was covering me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep in here. I hadn’t slept in almost two days, and as soon as I sat down, I was out. Force of habit I guess.” I shrug my shoulders, and a smile spreads across his face.
“Seeing you in here just feels right,” he says and leans back on the pile of pillows.
Kai runs across the room and drops a red ball in my lap. “Ball!” he says and waits for me to acknowledge.
“Yes, it is a ball. Thank you, Kai,” I say, and he runs back to the toy box.
“I can’t believe he’s walking,” I say, shaking my head. “And talking.”
“Yeah, I can’t believe it either. Time has flown by. He’s getting too big, too fast,” he says and watches Kai dart back to me with another toy.
“Ball!” Kai says and drops a stuffed pig in my lap.