I don’t know what I just agreed to, but I feel really good. Amazing even.
There’s a knock on the door and Max enters hesitantly. “Sorry to interrupt this little reunion, but Kai’s lunch is ready.” Garrett puts Kai onto the floor, and he runs toward Max and offers his hand to his nanny. “Let’s go, dude. We’re about to have a mac and cheese party.”
They leave the room, and Garrett sits on the edge of the bed. His eyes don’t leave mine.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he says, and his eyes glisten.
His words tear through my heart. There isn’t a night that I go to sleep when I don’t think about the night we made love. The night when we spoke the words I never thought I’d say to another person before. I was in love with him and it was deep.
I am in love with him.
But time has changed us. The actions of his father destroyed the life we had together and hardened my heart.
“I don’t know how to ask for your forgiveness,” he says, and he places his face into his hands.
“Why would I need to forgive you?” I ask. I’m confused by his sadness.
“My father took everything away from you, and I just don’t know how to express my sorrow and beg for your forgiveness for a sin caused by a man I hardly even knew.”
His words mean more to me than any lecture I could receive from my aunt or Cassie. He had no control over his father’s actions any more than I had control over my parents being at home that day. Neither of us had any power to stop the tragedy that took place. We both lost family that day, no matter what type of people they were. My parents left their legacy in me, and I’m the person that I am today because of them. I’ve realized that although I miss them so much it hurts, they’re still with me in the way that I live my life. I carry their gifts with me.
I look at the large picture of Kai and me on the wall and I smile.
“Thank you,” I say to Garrett. “I don’t know what I would be doing if your son hadn’t saved my life a year ago. I may have spiraled out of control after Ben’s death. Kai saved me and gave me purpose. He reminded me of all of the good that my parents instilled in me. You gave me that gift.”
He shakes his head and smiles.
“God, I love you so much, Sam.”
I reach out my hand and he grabs it, squeezing tight.
“I love you too,” I say quietly, and he pulls me out of the chair and onto his lap.
He buries his head in my hair and kisses my neck. He stops after he inhales deeply and pulls away from me so he can look into my eyes. He swipes his thumb across my cheek as he cradles my face.
“Thank you for coming home,” he says and lightly kisses my lips.
Home.
It’s true that I’ve felt more at home here than any other place I’ve lived since my parents died.
I kiss him back and press my forehead against his.
“It feels good to be home.”
Sam
Present
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 25
“AWESOME!” GARRETT YELLS while Kai splashes in the pool. His swim instructor is helping him learn the survival technique that I learned so many years ago. Kai is expertly floating on his back and kicking his legs when he reaches the edge of the pool. He’s able to grab hold and he’s smiling, truly enjoying this game that we’re playing with him.
I clap and splash my feet in the water. The swim instructor takes him to do another exercise and Garrett wades over to me. He grabs hold of my bare legs and threatens to pull me into the water. He kisses my knee and looks up at me.
“You should come in with us,” he says and kisses my other knee. I remain seated on the pavement and swing my legs on either side of him.
“I’m good right where I am,” I say. And I truly mean it. In every possible way.