I desperately wanted to make love to her yesterday, but my fear of rejection was there in the forefront of my mind. The next time I make love to her that’s what it’s going to be. Not a fuck to release our lust for each other, but a sweet lovin’. I just need to try and accept that she really isn’t going to flee in panic when she sees me.
Once we know each other better, I’m hoping to feel more secure in our relationship for the big reveal to take place. I don’t want to frighten the life out of her or send myself into a major panic attack. No matter how many times I try telling myself that she’s different, every time I consider revealing my back to her, all I see is Alyssa’s reaction when I’d worked up the courage to show her. It was a nightmare and I sure as hell don’t want to experience that again because a reaction like that from Sabrina would kill me. She means more to me than Alyssa ever did. My ex actually did me a favour by walking away. It’s just my bad luck that she left the way she did.
The only other person to have seen my scars is my mom. She’s rubbed ointment on me more often than not to ease the ache that I sometimes feel. That was hard. Letting her see me like that. Even though she tried to hide the fact that she was upset, I just knew. I could feel her upset in the slight shake of her hands and the fact that she averted her face once she’d finished. The first time she helped me, I’d taken hold of her and made her look at me—what I saw was crushing…she’d looked heartbroken. That’s the only time I’ve ever let my emotions get the better of me, and I cried all over my mom. We’ve never discussed that day, and for that I’m relieved.
I know Lily has caught glimpses now and again when I’ve been changing shirts here, at her and Michael’s place, but although I’ve talked to her about the fire and the reason why I ended up in the car to begin with, we’ve kind of skirted around the full extent of my injuries.
With Lily, it’s like having a nosy sister who won’t leave shit alone, and I’m just glad my brothers, especially Michael, have accepted my friendship with her. She was like a breath of fresh air in my lonely existence and I value her opinion more than anyone will ever know. She made me keep going when I sometimes wanted to quit.
My affection for Lily is why I’m lying on the floor in the family room while my niece and nephew crawl all over me. Both Charlotte and Jr. are teething and want to bite anything in sight, which includes me. The little rascals know damn well that it hurts like hell having their sharp teeth clamping on my hand.
They’re like damn piranhas.
Charlotte tries again to get to my fingers, which is how Lily finds us. She scoops Charlotte up and out of my way.
Sitting up, I make a grab for Jr. and follow Lily through to the kitchen where I set him down in his highchair and strap him in. The safest place for him…and me!
“You looked so cute with these two all over you,” Lily comments, looking happy.
“Hmm.”
I wish Sabrina looked happy like Lily, instead of like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders.
“Never mind, hmm,” Lily places chopped up banana in front of the twins before turning her gaze on me, “I want to know what is going on between you and my friend. Although I keep getting the feeling that all isn’t well between us, but I’ve no idea why.” She frowns.
As much as I’d like to confide in Lily about Sabrina being pregnant with my child, I don’t want to say anything until I’ve discussed with Sabrina about telling my family. If I’m honest with myself, I want her beside me when we make the announcement.
“Lucien? Where’d you go?”
“Sorry.”
I run my hands through my hair and watch Lily as she takes a seat opposite me with a curious look on her face.
“Sabrina’s moved in with me,” I blurt out, leaving Lily stunned.
“As in you’re both living together? I mean. I don’t know what I mean. I know you and Sabrina have kind of skirted around the other since she first came back to Lexington, but I had no idea anything was actually going on between you both.” She laughs. “Wow. Where have I been?”
“We weren’t sure if we were going anywhere or not, but, well, she’s been living with me for a few days now, and she isn’t going anywhere if I have anything to do with it.”
“I’m surprised. Happy. But surprised. Not that long ago you wouldn’t listen to me when I told you not everyone is like your horrid ex, and now you’ve moved Sabrina in with you. Total turn around.”
I sigh. “Yeah, well, things change and take priority.”
“What’d I miss?” Michael asks, joining us just as Lily is about to comment. The last thing I need is for more questions to be asked about my relationship with Sabrina right now.