Exiting Sabrina’s room, I make my way out of the hospital for some much needed fresh air.
It hadn’t really hit me until Ramon spoke that I’m about to have one of the things I’ve always wanted—a child—something I thought I’d never have.
My chest feels tight with the feelings inside me wanting to burst free. I’ve kept them buried for years out of self-preservation and now they’re all coming to the surface. I have no fuckin’ clue how to deal with them without running. Running is something I’ve become good at, never more so, since I met Sabrina.
Dropping onto a bench outside the hospital, I rest my elbows on my knees and drop my head into my hands while I try to breathe through the panic taking hold of my body. If I’m like this now, how the hell am I going to manage later on?
“Here.”
A bottle of water is shoved into my face.
Ramon’s caught me off guard…again. “Thanks.” I sit up straighter. “Why aren’t you with Sabrina?”
“She sent me after you.”
“Fuck!” The last thing I need is for her to worry about me, and my reaction to everything. I don’t want her doubting my commitment to her and the baby. That’s the last thing she needs or I want.
Chapter Thirteen
Sabrina
Living with Lucien is sweet torture. Since I was released from the hospital three days ago he has been so tentative that I’m really going to miss him when he decides he’s had enough of me being in his space. He’s been alone for so long that I’m under no illusion that eventually he’ll start getting frustrated that his space has been invaded.
It doesn’t stop there. Here, in Lucien’s apartment, he only has two bedrooms. One being unfurnished. Lucien informed me once he’d gotten me here that he had no intention of furnishing the spare room with a bed. Instead, he plans on turning it into a nursery for our unborn child. He went on to inform me that since I’m the mother of said ‘unborn child’ I was to share his bed. He promised not to touch me unless I asked him to. For three nights he has kept that promise, even though I wish he hadn’t made it because I’m craving his touch, more so than ever. I’m putting it down to my pregnancy hormones even though I suspect it’s my heart and soul that is craving him.
While I’m resting on the sofa, I have my kindle in hand, but I much prefer the view of the dining table where Lucien is working.
He really has no idea how delicious he is, sitting there in a pair of well-worn jeans, a long sleeve tee shirt and bare feet. His hair is all messed up and he looks so damn hot. I want to go over there and run my hands through his hair. I want to feel his arms come around me as he pulls me onto his lap. I don’t know how to ask for what I want with the fear of rejection sitting heavily in my chest. I wonder whether Lucien feels like I do right now—fearing I’m going to reject him at some point because of his body. His way of thinking makes me angry because he is so damn caring. I really wish I knew who his ex was so I could give her a piece of my mind. It just pisses me off.
I’m startled out of my dark thoughts by Lucien sitting on the coffee table to the side of me. He leans forward and traces my brows with his finger. “What is causing these?” he asks, worry clear on his face. “Or should I be asking who?” He pulls his hand away, which I catch in mine.
“I was feeling rather violent towards your ex, if you most know.”
His eyes widen in surprise.
“My ex?”
“I blame what she did to you as the reason why you have a hard time believing that anyone would want you.” I swipe at a tear from the corner of my eye as he watches me. “It breaks my heart. I really wish you could see inside me because you’d never doubt my feelings for you if you could.”
He caresses my face and wipes another leaked tear from my face. “It’s going to take time, and I can’t promise to always be so willing, but until four days ago, I hadn’t let anyone touch my face the way you did. It’s a start.” He smiles.
“Will you hold me?”
He pauses while my words sink in, and then he picks me up in his arms and sits back down with me on his lap and his arms around me. I do the most natural thing in the world and rest my head against his shoulder. When he’s like this—not pushing me away—it makes me feel like I’m truly his woman. The woman he can love and never live without.
“We fit well together,” he whispers against my forehead.
That’s the truth.
Feeling warm and secure in his arms, I ask, “Will you come to my OB appointment with me tomorrow? She said she’d do an ultrasound.”
He kisses my cheek. “I’d love to,” he says sounding emotional.
I try to lift my face to look at him, but he stops me by resting his head on the top of mine.
“Thank you. It’s at four. I’ve arranged to meet Rosie for lunch so would you mind meeting me there?”