After my warm shower, I pull on a pair of yoga pants and a soft knit, long sleeved tee shirt in a dark plum color. Since arriving home about an hour ago, I’ve been hiding away in my room, trying to prolong the discussion that I know Ramon is waiting to have with me.
In my misery, I didn’t miss Ramon’s shock when I placed my hand on my stomach with Lily’s announcement. So I know he’s going to have questions once I show myself. I’m just not sure I’m ready to answer them.
I gently caress my stomach knowing that there are a few hurdles that need to be crossed before I can even think about what I’m going to do in about six months time. Being close to three months pregnant with Lucien’s child isn’t something I expected to happen to me while I’m single, and not even with the father. It was a hell of a shock as well. My periods have always been up and down, even with me taking the pill. So yeah, me being pregnant hadn’t entered my head until I spent a few mornings praying to the porcelain gods. Now, I have to work out a way to tell Lucien, and I’ve no idea how to explain about the pill not being effective.
Although being pregnant with his child fills me with joy, I just know that he’s going to want to do the right thing by me because it’s the way he’s been raised. And that, right there, is the problem. I’m torn. Do I tell him and spend a lifetime wondering if he loves me or simply did right by his child and me? I know there is a connection between us—sure, it’s a connection Lucien is ignoring—but is it enough? Lucien has to deal with that connection sooner or later, instead of pushing me away but I want him to do it without a baby being the catalyst. With a heavy sigh, I open my bedroom door and walk into the family room where Ramon looks to be asleep on my sofa. He makes me smile. The sofa wasn’t really made with a McKenzie in mind as Ramon proves with one of his feet hanging off the end and the other one curved under him.
“Are you going to stand there all night? Or are you going to come and sit down and tell me what’s going on with you?” he asks, stretching.
“You move any further and you’re going to be on the floor,” I point out as I move closer to him and take a seat on the recliner opposite him.
“If you had a longer sofa I wouldn’t have that trouble.” He grins but doesn’t open his eyes.
I shake my head and return his smile but don’t say anything. Instead, I stare at the dark television as the seconds slide by.
Ramon’s breathing deepens and fills the room and I find myself hoping that he’s gone back to sleep. Suddenly, his eyes pop open. “Spill it.”
“You really are like how I imagine an annoying brother would be.”
“I am your annoying brother right now.” He sighs. “Look Sabrina, I’m guessing you have a bun in the oven just like Lily. Am I right?”
I nod refusing to let the tears appear. I’ve done enough crying to last me a lifetime over the past few weeks and today so I’m not going to go there anymore. It can’t be good for the baby for starters.
“I’m nearly three months pregnant. It obviously wasn’t planned, but, well, it has happened and although it was a shock at first, I’m really happy. I just need to work out how to tell your brother.” Realizing I’m biting my lip, I release it from between my teeth and smooth it out with my tongue—a nervous habit I have.
“I don’t know how my brother will react. He’s been difficult to read for a while now, but I know how much he loves children and I think, although it will be a shock for him, he’ll be happy in the long run.” Ramon pushes himself up into a more comfortable position, looking a bit apprehensive.
He’s worried about something, which tells me he isn’t all that sure of his brother.
“What?”
He sighs. “With how much Lucien’s been pushing you away, I’m a little worried. Don’t get me wrong,” he says quickly when he notices the panic on my face. “I stand by what I said about children, but you need to be prepared for him to accuse you of trapping him into being with you.”
He isn’t telling me anything that I haven’t thought myself. I guess that’s why I’ve tried not to think about it and put off seeing him again. He’s also been causing me plenty of sleepless nights.
“I guess I need to talk to him so it’s out there. My jeans are already uncomfortable so it isn’t going to be long before my pregnancy starts to show.” I groan, burying my face in my hands, and mumble, “I have to tell my mom. She isn’t going to be happy. Her single daughter, pregnant.”
“Isn’t it her job to support you?”
“Um, you’ve met my mother. How can you ask me that?”