the house, the nursery, all of it. For you. The last time I stepped foot in this place was when I left that photo in the magazine. Hadn’t been back until a few months ago. I needed to move on, but I couldn’t sell this house. I didn’t even wanna.”
My hand subconsciously went through his hair, wanting to comfort him any way I could. He leaned into my embrace, placing his cheek on my lap as I continued to softly caress him.
“I still don’t know what to do wit’ this room. Ain’t ever been in here till now,” he breathed out, his voice barely above a whisper.
He stirred beneath my touch, peering up at me. Searching my face for I don’t know what before suddenly wrapping his arms around my waist. Bringing me down to the ground with him. Setting me down on his lap, holding me as close as he could to his heart. I willingly went, wanting, needing to feel his arms around me, too. The strong arms that enveloped me, protected me, and carried me countless times.
The same arms that used to push me away and let me go.
“I fuckin’ love you, Mia. I fuckin’ love you so much,” he spoke, his voice breaking. “I’m sorry, babe. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. Please tell me you know that... I would never—”
I looked up, placing my fingers against his lips. “I know, Creed. I knew that even when I didn’t remember you. No doubt that you loved her. Did everything you could for her when I couldn’t.”
The look on his face would have brought me to my knees, had I not already been on the floor with him.
He placed his hands on the sides of my face, bringing me closer to him, but not nearly close enough. “I can’t lose you again, baby. I just got ya back. Tell me you’re here for me. Tell me you choose me. Please...”
My heart was breaking right along with his. Piece by piece fell to the floor between us, knowing it would never be whole again. “He loves me, and I love—”
“You may love him, Pippin, but you’re not in love wit’ me. You’ve been in love wit’ me for most of your life. I own you, babe. You know it as much as I do. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. Why you doin’ this to me? Us, Mia.”
My chest rose and descended with each word that fell from his lips. His face mere inches away from mine, I felt him everywhere and all at once. His scent, his body, his eyes, his mouth, even though the only thing that touched me was his hands.
“Tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you don’t wish it were me who held you in their arms. Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you right now, yeah? Touch you, take you to our bed and make sweet fuckin’ love to all night long, until there isn’t an inch of your skin I haven’t kissed, licked, or touched. Tell me you don’t feel me,” he whimpered, placing his hand over my heart, “here.”
“Creed,” I whispered in a voice I didn’t recognize. Trying to reel in my feelings, hide the fact that he still had an effect on me. After all this time.
“Tell me any of that, and I swear I’ll leave you alone, cuz at the end of the day... All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and if that’s not wit’ me, then at least I have the memory of the love of my fuckin’ life.” He placed his forehead on mine, bringing his hands up to frame my face again. “Say the words, babe,” he groaned in a tone that made my stomach flutter and my body warm.
His mouth so close to mine that I could feel him breathe on me. The smell of cigarettes and mint took over my senses. As if he was testing me, he licked his lips slowly, provoking me.
Proving that he was right.
I shut my eyes. I had to. The realization was too hard to admit, and I knew he could see it in my gaze.
He knew me.
“Creed,” I panted, my breathing mimicking his. “Please...”
“Please what, baby?” he rasped as if he was hanging on by a thread. Waiting for me to say the magic words that would set both of us free.
“Please... let me go. I’m not the same girl you hold so dear to your heart. I may remember now, but that doesn’t change the fact that the girl you claimed... died a little at that house in the woods. And not even your touch, your love, your faith can bring her back. I’m just so confused. A part of me wants to jump right into your arms and tell you to never let me go. Your Pippin. The other part, the girl fighting the waves trying to stay afloat, tells me to turn left, right into Noah’s embrace. It’s like a train wreck waiting to happen. Both sets of tracks cross, coming together at some point, colliding with my heart. I’m sorry. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. I can’t do this to Noah, not like this. He’s been nothing but there for me while you’ve been... gone.”
“Baby, you know why I was gone. Woulda never left you if I didn’t have to.”
“I know. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s been here. With me. Throughout everything my mind has gone through. And I do love him, Creed. It may not be as powerful or as strong as my feelings for you... but it’s there. Inside of me. You both are. You have my past, and he has my present. I’m just so confused on who has my future.”
He nodded, shuddering like a bucket of cold water had been poured down his body, never expecting me to say that. His hands instantly dropped, releasing my face. He stood, looking down at me with glossy eyes, struggling to step away. To walk away from the love we once shared. Making me feel the loss of his warmth, his love, his everything.
The damage was already done, and the look on his face made me question what I just did.
I stood, going right for him, but he backed away as if my touch would burn him. “Creed...
“I can’t do this wit’ ya anymore. It’s fuckin’ killin’ me.”
I forced back the tears that wanted to escape, feeling like I was dying right along with him.
“I love you more than anythin’ in this world, Pippin.”
Tears streamed down my face, so overwhelmed with so many emotions. Trying so hard to keep them at bay. I wiped away the tears from my face feeling like he’d just ripped out my heart and stomped all over it. I couldn’t fucking breathe.
I nodded, unable to form words, but it didn’t matter because there was nothing left to say. We said everything that mattered. I turned to leave, but he instantly grabbed my hand, pulling me back into his arms. Finding myself sobbing against his chest, soaking his white cotton shirt with nothing but my insecurities as his strong arms wrapped around me. I felt him cry, too.
“Jesus Christ, you’re my everythin’. You’ll always be my everythin’. The little girl who fuckin’ saved me from myself more times than I count. The same one who made me realize what love was, what havin’ the love of a good woman felt like. I never deserved you, baby, but God, I don’t fuckin’ care. Please...” he begged in a tone I had never heard from him before.