Blink.
“NO! MIA, RUN!”
Blink.
“GET HER OUT OF HERE!”
Blink.
“Stay with me. You fuckin’ stay with me.”
Blink.
“You fight, Mia. You fuckin’ fight for our baby girl and I’m gonna go fight for you.”
Blink.
“Pleeeaassee, saaave herr... saaave... Madd...”
Shouting...
Crying....
Blood...
Pain...
Pain...
Pain...
Nothing. But. Pain.
My eyes filled with tears, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. “Creed...”
It felt like an eternity before he finally glanced up, looking at me through the slits of his eyes. His stare, his demeanor, his aura all mirrored mine.
My lips parted taking a deep breath. Letting it wheeze out as my hand slowly, intuitively moved from the side of my body, toward the center of my belly. Though my gaze never shifted from his.
I sucked in air, my body seizing completely. “Where is she?” I whispered so low as soon as my hand felt my non-existing stomach.
He didn’t move or say anything. He didn’t even blink.
My heart sped up, beating a mile a minute. I swear he could hear it. There was no way he couldn’t have, it echoed throughout the space between us.
“Is she with Noah? Is my baby girl with her daddy? Is she in the front passenger seat with Noah?”
Silence. Nothing. Not one reaction.
Each second that passed between us, felt like hours had gone by.
“Is she with Doc? Does he have her? Are you taking us to the hospital?” I couldn’t get my questions out fast enough.
Silence.
I began nodding uncontrollably like I was answering my own questions. Biting down on my bottom lip, to the point of pain. “Where is she? She needs her momma! I’m her momma, Creed! She needs me!”
His expression never once wavered from a deep stillness and penetrating stare. Glaring at me as if I was asking questions that didn’t make any sense. His silence was deafening, like an array of tiny razor blades cutting into every last inch of my skin.
I could feel him everywhere and all at once, even though he wasn’t touching me.
“Why are you just sitting there?!” I shouted, becoming angry from his lack of response. “Where is Maddie?! Where is my daughter?!”
He shut his eyes just for a second murmuring, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Mia.” Bowing his head in shame.
I placed my shaking hand over my heart, trying to steady my breathing. The space was caving in on me. My vision blurred, clouding everything around my vicinity, including him. My lips started to quiver, my chest started to heave. Unleashed tears from my swollen eyes immediately streamed down the sides of my face.
“For what, Creed?! What the hell are you sorry for?!” I yelled, my body trembling uncontrollably.
He just shook his head back and forth. “Baby, I—” Looking back up at me with torment in his eyes.
“Answer my fucking question!” I ripped the blanket back, ignoring the wires and tubes pulling at my skin. Swiftly sitting up. Groaning out in immediate pain.
He was in my face trying to get me to lie back down. “Mia, stop! You’re gonna hurt yourself!”
I shoved him away, but he didn’t budge. “What are you sorry for?! What did you do, Creed?!” My hands connected with his chest with a loud thud, repeatedly pounding into him. Weakly struggling against his body and the machines that held me back. “Where is Madison?!”
“Pippin, calm the fuck down! Let me explain! I’m sorr—”
“Calm down?! You want me to calm down?! Tell me where my baby is!”
He tried to wrestle me into his arms, wanting and needing to hold me. Trying to control me.
“Let go of me!” I shouted, trying to shake loose from his hold. Ignoring the pain cycling my entire body. Roughly clawing at his hands, his arms, trying to pry them off of me. Only making him hold me tighter.
“Babe, I’m hangin’ on by a fuckin’ thread here... Please...” he pleaded as I continued to struggle against him. “We did everythin’ we could, but she was just so fuckin’ small, Mia. Her lungs...”
“NO! NO! NO!” I hysterically ranted, thrashing and whipping my body all around. Excruciating pain tore through my body this time, but I couldn’t stop. Ripping the IV line out of my hand as my fists beat into his chest harder with each punch.
He took every blow as if he knew he deserved it.
I wanted him to hurt.
I needed to fucking hurt him.
He caught my wrists mid-hit, tugging me toward his body. Holding me against his chest, against his heart. Against the agony and grief that would always live inside of him.
“You’re lying! You’re fucking lying! You did this! Why?! Why would you do this to me?! I thought you loved me! I thought you loved her! You wanted this, didn’t you?! Why you fucking bastard?! Because you weren’t the fucking father?! Let go of me! All of this is your fault! I should have never been there! She would be alive if you didn’t fucking bring me to that goddamn house! For what?! My safety?! Look how well that turned out, you fucking murderer!” I sobbed violently, desperately trying to push him off of me.
Melting down.
Losing all my strength.
My strength to fight, my strength to live and most of all my strength to fucking love him.
“Baby, I’m so fuckin’ sorry... I loved her... I love you... you know that, Mia... you fuckin’ know that... if I could switch places wit’ her, I would... please... baby... please... I can’t lose you, too.”
His words felt like acid on my skin as I stared into his sorrowful eyes. Silently pleading for my forgiveness. “You killed her! You killed my baby! I hate you! Do you hear me?! I fucking hate you!” I spewed, meaning every word.
“Fuck, Pippin! You’re bleedin’ again! Please, baby, calm down!”
The harder he held me, the more I wanted to hurt him. The more I wanted to break him. The more I wanted to die. The next thing I knew the back doors to the van roughly slammed open and Doc came into focus. I hadn’t even realized we’d stopped.
“Doc! Where is she?! Please... let me hold her... let me touch her... please, Doc... please give her to me...” I begged, reaching for him.
Needing him to understand.
“Shhh...” he soothed in a gentle tone, stepping into the van, making his way toward me. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s alright,” he coaxed, caressing the side of my face as he sat down beside me. Wiping away my sweat and tears. Nodding to Creed to let me go.
Reluctantly, he finally did.
I narrowed my eyes at Doc, trying to take him in. Something wasn’t right, something felt off. It was then I saw the syringe hiding behind his back.
“No... No... No...” I panicked, vigorously shaking my head. Scooting back as far away as I could from the both of them. Hugging my knees to my chest. Looking down at the blood on the blankets but not caring it was coming from me. My head continued to rapidly shake. “No, no, no, no, no, no,” I chanted over and over again, rocking back and forth. Mumbling incoherently. Trying to comfort myself as best as I could.