What he blamed me for.
“Fuck you!” he seethed through gritted teeth. Glaring at me. It was the first time I had ever seen him look at me with such hatred in his eyes. He lunged forward, roughly ripping her out of my grasp. Cradling her in his hands, he immediately unwrapped the blanket from her face. “NO! NO! NO! PLEASE! PLEASE! DOC, DO SOMETHIN’! PLEASE FUCKIN’ DO SOMETHIN’!” he bellowed, holding onto his daughter for dear life. He fell to his knees, placing her on the floor in front of him. “It’s okay, baby girl. It’s okay, daddy’s here... I’m here now... Everythin’ is gonna be fine. I’m gonna make it all better. It’s okay,” he choked on his words, hands shaking over her, not knowing what to do. Desperately wanting to resuscitate her. “Please... Maddie... please... don’t do this to me... please don’t fuckin’ do this to me... I can’t lose you... you’re all I ever wanted... please...”
The back of my arm went to my mouth, feeling as though I was dying right along with him. Forcing myself to not look away.
“Why are you just fuckin’ standin’ there?! Why isn’t anyone doin’ anythin’?! PLEASE! FUCKIN’ HELP ME!” He sucked in air, hyperventilating, his heart visually fucking breaking into pieces. “How could you let this happen?! I shouldn’t have fuckin’ left! She would be alive if I hadn’t fuckin’ left!” Grabbing ahold of her, he took her in his arms, pressing her up against his face. “I’m sorry, Maddie... I’m fuckin’ sorry I failed you... Please... please... baby girl... forgive me... I love you more than anything... I’m sorry,” he repeated over and over again, kissing all over her face, her arms, and her chest.
I made my eyes stay open. I made my body stay in place. I made myself take in every tear that fell from my brother’s face, every word that flew out of his mouth, every last emotion that bled out of his broken soul.
His body hunched over from crying so fucking hard. Losing the battle he never had the chance of winning. All that could be heard was Noah’s sorrowful screams and tears piercing out into the night.
After this day, our lives would be forever changed. There was no coming back from this. Noah and Mia were now going to be living in my nightmare, along with me.
This was my punishment for trying to bring good into my life. Knowing deep in my fucking gut that this wouldn’t have ever happened.
If it wasn’t for me.
We all watched in silence as Noah struggled to hand Maddie over to Doc. Needing to hold onto his daughter for a few more minutes, wanting to hold her for as long as he could. Having a hard time with letting her go. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t say goodbye to his baby girl.
Not now.
Not ever.
He hunched over her tiny body, mourning her death. The life she should have had. The happiness she should have brought into this world.
Not the devastation that occurred.
He cried into the nook of her neck and broke down. Whispering his apologies in her ear before turning his face away, unable to look at her any longer. Doc aided by grabbing ahold of her and gently pulling her out of his tight grasp. Causing Noah to reluctantly let her go from his arms.
“I know, man... I know...” Doc grieved with him, letting Noah hold onto his shoulder for support.
He could barely fucking stand.
Seeing all my darkest secrets. All the pain I inflicted. All the love he still held onto for her.
He pushed off Doc, needing the momentum to keep moving, keep going...
Keep fucking living.
Only stopping when he was standing beside Mia, looking down at her with glazed, broken eyes. A shell of the man he used to be. No longer full of life, no longer full of love, or fucking hope.
No longer full of anything.
He leaned forward, placing a kiss on her forehead. Letting his lips linger on her skin. “I’m so sorry, Mia,” he whispered, brushing her hair away from her pale face. Staring at her adoringly, trying like hell to hold it together. He kissed her one last time, before pushing off the table. Walking away from what was supposed to be his future.
“Noah!” I called out after him as he made his way for the front door.
He didn’t answer or stop, not that I expected him to. I rushed over, grabbing a hold of his shoulder and turned him to face me. Only to be met with the barrel of his gun, firmly pressed against my chest. Digging right into my heart.
I jerked back, my eyes widening. Never fucking expecting that.
“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll let me walk out of here. I’ve killed men for far fuckin’ less than what you just did in there, Creed,” he gritted out, glaring straight into my eyes.
I was no longer his brother standing in front of him.
His family. His blood.
I was just the man who killed his daughter.
Taking away his whole fucking world.
His finger didn’t move from the trigger as he cocked his gun to the side. “But you ain’t worth the blood. You ain’t worth the fuckin’ effort. Bein’ a part of your life is a guaranteed fuckin’ death sentence.” He adamantly nodded behind me. “Maddie’s death... her blood... it’s on you. You’re the reason she’s dead.”
The sincerity of his words were like taking bullet after bullet, after fucking bullet to my heart.
He backed away, still aiming his gun at my chest. Took one last look at me with disgust and hatred evident in his eyes, turned and left. Slamming the door behind him.
I watched my baby brother leave, knowing he had just turned his back on me.
“Fuck, brother,” Diesel breathed out, walking up beside me and grabbing ahold of my shoulder. I shoved his hand away, not needing his condolences or his fucking pity.
“Where are they?”
He took a deep breath, fully aware of who I was referring to. “I’m sorry, man. They got away.”
I didn’t think twice about it. I spun around grabbing the armchair, chucking it across the room. Watching as the frame shattered against the wall, falling into shards on the hardwood floor. My body couldn’t move fast enough around the open space, pushing over everything that was in my immediate path. Throwing and swinging at anything I could find. Growling, fucking seething, needing to hurt something.
Anything.
“GODDAMN IT!” I screamed, throwing one thing after another across the room. Not giving a flying fuck I was destroying the place. “The fuck you mean they got away?! I told you to bring those motherfuckers back here! And you’re gonna stand there and tell me you fuckin’ failed!” I picked up the lamp beside me, ready to heave it at the fucking door.