In her garden.
I stepped outside unnoticed, taking a minute to admire the vision in front of me from a distance. I could tell she was wearing one of her long garden dresses, from the rips and stains at the bottom. Her brown hair was cascading all around her face and down to her lower back. It was the first time I noticed how long it was getting. She was spinning around in circles with her arms catching the wind and the sun reflecting off her soft skin. Her eyes were closed and her smile lit up the entire backyard. She looked like a fucking angel, leaving me breathless. I had to lean against the sliding door to gather my bearings. It physically pained me to look at her in that moment, in a way it never had before. I wanted to soak in every last smile, every last laugh, and every last inch of her fucking skin before it was too late.
I shut my eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Needing to reel in the emotions coursing through my veins, or I wouldn’t be able to go through with this. Knowing what I had to do was fucking killing me. I counted to three to stabilize my pounding heart that throbbed mercilessly against my ribs. Having to count a few more numbers until I finally found the strength from within to open my eyes, only to unexpectedly meet hers. I wasn’t prepared to have her look at me with so much love and devotion that I swear almost brought me to my goddamn knees.
“Damien, are you alr—”
I pushed off the slider to walk over to her. Lifting her off the ground and spinning her around in a circle, making her laugh even louder before I placed her back down on the grass. “Happy birthday, Mu?eca,” I rasped, pulling her back into a tender hug, needing extra time to hold my life between my arms.
Her body immediately melted into mine, molding perfectly against my chest. I always knew Amira was tiny compared to me, but for some reason she felt even smaller as I held her so close to my heart. Kissing the top of her head, I let my lips linger a bit longer. Wanting to remember her just this way. I was the first to pull away. Aware that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to let her go.
Ever.
“Hey,” I breathed out, touching the end of her nose to gaze into her glossy eyes. “It’s your birthday. No crying.”
She smiled, nodding. “I know. It’s just… the only time I’ve ever seen that look on your face was the night I met you.”
I shoved my nails into the palm of my hand as hard as I could, determined to remain the unaffected man she always knew.
“And then the way you hugged me. It was like you didn’t want to let me go.” The distress in her voice was as evident as the agony in mine. “Is everything alright? Did your father tell—”
“No.” She was always so fucking perceptive. I had yet to figure out if that was just with me or with everyone. “Amira, I told you since day one. You let me worry about everything. Nothing is going to happen to you. I made sure of it.”
“What do you—”
“You win, birthday girl. I’m just a little choked up that you’re fifteen-years-old today, that’s all,” I misled, slightly smiling to detour her afflicting thoughts.
It was partially true. I couldn’t fucking fathom how fast the years went by. The little girl I saved turned into a young lady, and it was impossible not to be proud of the woman she was becoming.
Amira was the only thing I ever did right.
She smiled wide, it was working. “What? You never get emotional about my birthday. Is it because I’m turning into such a beautiful girl?” She batted her lashes at me.
“Now, you’re just fishing for compliments, but I’ll take the bait. You’ve always been beautiful, Mu?eca.”
She shyly smiled, and her cheeks blushed. It was the first time I’d ever seen that beam in her eyes, and I recognized it all too fucking well. Without saying another word, she got on the tips of her toes, leaned forward and kissed my cheek. A little too close to my mouth. Amira was never timid, she openly showed me affection, though this was different.
For both of us.
She slowly backed away. “Is that for me?” Eyeing her gift that was still in my grasp.
I nodded, handing it over to her. She made it a point to lightly touch the ends of my fingertips as she took it out of my hand. Further proving that I was doing the right thing by her, which was all I wanted.
“Damien…” she muttered, loud enough for me to hear. Smiling from ear to ear when she saw the passport holder I bought her. “It’s perfect! Now I can travel the world in style. Thank you!” She kissed my cheek again, but this time it was an innocent gesture. Unlike before.
“Your birthday’s not over yet. Go throw on some warm clothes, I have somewhere I want to take you.”
She happily listened, prancing into the house so high on life. Yelling over her shoulder on the way to her room, saying something about leaving Rosarío a note, who had to run over to the neighbor’s house or some shit. It seemed like all I did was blink and we were in my car almost reaching our destination. Amira was talking about one thing or another as I stared blankly out the windshield, nodding my head every few minutes as if I was paying any attention to what she was actually saying. As much as I wanted to be living in the moment with her, my mind was somewhere else completely. To the point I began to wonder if I would ever fucking think about anything else again.
“We’re at Ciudad Mar! I knew you were taking me to the beach. And you’ve picked one I’ve never been to! You always give me the best birthdays, Damien! How do you do that?”
“Because I know you,” I stated, parking the car. Silently praying I could get through the next few hours without losing my shit.
I grabbed the blanket from the backseat and wrapped it around her shoulders to walk down to the water. Arriving just as the sun was setting over the horizon. I found us a secluded spot near a fire pit in the sand, igniting the wood to keep her warm. Cuban nights were starting to get a little breezy, especially when you were near the ocean. She stared out at the water, aimlessly discussing all the cities she wanted to travel to. How many stamps she’d have in her passport, convinced that one day we’d get out of Cuba, and I would finally show her all the places she wanted to see.
I just sat there next to her, listening intently. Drowning out everything else spinning a web in my fucked-up mind. I couldn’t help but stare at the side of her face through the flames and the sparks, soaring up into the dark sky. Seeing the little girl that once wreaked havoc on my life, knowing now she was anything but that any longer.
“Can I lay my head on your legs? I want to look up at the stars and show you something,” she coaxed, looking back at me.
“Since when do you ask to lay on me?”