I blinked again and they all started walking toward me, only now they were covered in blood. It was pouring out of the holes in their heads, soaking every inch of their skin. My hands instantly covered my mouth so I wouldn’t scream.
I was terrified.
But at the same time, I was grateful they were there with me.
I never wanted them to go.
I didn’t want them to die.
When I glanced down at my hands, their blood was all over my skin.
“Damien? Where are you, Damien? He can save you this time! I know he can! Damien! Damien! Please help them!” I yelled, panic taking over. Trying to wipe their blood off my hands, but it was no use. The more I tried, the more it spread down my arms, my legs.
My whole body.
“Amira, it’s time you come with us,” Mami said, getting closer and closer to me. The face morphing back and forth, from her to the monster to Damien’s father once again. I couldn’t tell them apart anymore. “Come to Hell with us. It’s where you belong!”
“No! No! No!” My body fervently shook with each word that escaped my mouth. “I don’t want to go there! I’m a good person! I hid! I did what Papi told me to do!” I shouted, immediately grabbing onto my neck. My voice made no sound. I was moving my lips and nothing came out.
I screamed and screamed and screamed.
I screamed until my throat felt raw and my chest burned. While my heart pounded against my ribs, in my ears, and through my mind.
“Amira, Amira, Amira, you’re going to Hell with us,” they chanted, getting closer to me.
“Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please! Please! I don’t want to go there!” I begged even though they couldn’t hear me.
No one could hear me.
I tightly closed my eyes, placing my bloody hands over my ears. Hiding my face into my knees.
I couldn’t breathe.
“Shhh… Mu?eca. I’m here. Shhh… It’s okay, I’m here,” I heard Damien’s voice soothe in a gentle lull.
The next thing I knew I felt a strong hand start rubbing my back.
“It’s okay, I’m here. Shh…” I heard him say, repeating all the same words for I don’t know how long.
I followed the sound of his voice, the movement of his hand, placing gentle strokes up and down my back. Pushing everything else away.
The darkness.
My fears.
“Shhh… Mu?eca. Shhh… I’m here. It’s okay, I’m here.”
Then, all of a sudden, the monsters were gone.
And there was nothing left but peace.
When I stirred awake, Damien was on the floor in front of the couch, using one arm to prop his head up on the cushion, and the other was still rubbing my back.
“It’s been a while since you had a nightmare, Mu?eca. In fact, it’s been months,” he stated, purposely staring out the balcony doors as I was before I fell asleep. The full moon dimly lit the living room, casting shadows of darkness on his face. Producing enough light so I could see his tormented expression. The one I always tried so hard to push away.
“It’s nothing,” I replied, aware he was lost in his thoughts. Only fueling the remorse and shame I knew he was once again reliving.
“It didn’t sound like nothing.”
I took a deep breath, inhaling the mixture of his masculine scent and musky cologne that surrounded me. Giving me the confidence I needed to initiate this conversation with him. It resided deep in my pores, consuming my attention as he hovered next to me. Bringing back the same sense of comfort and familiarity that it always provided, alongside his secure presence. His long, wet hair had fallen around his face, framing it perfectly. Accentuating the intensity of his honey-colored eyes, although this time it was solely his regrets that were pouring out of them.
I took a steady, reassuring breath, whispering, “What happened to my family, to my sister… it wasn’t your fault.”
He didn’t attempt to move away.
He didn’t look at me.
He didn’t even stop rubbing my back.
It wasn’t until I said, “You were a victim that night as much as I was,” that he suddenly stood up and made his way out the sliding door, onto the balcony.
The second I stepped over the threshold, standing behind him, he revealed, “You’re a child. I could tell you a fucking fairy tale and you’d believe me. Guilt and fault are foreign feelings to a little girl. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t make me out to be something I’m not. I’m far from a fucking victim. You don’t know me, Amira. If you did, you wouldn’t be here right now.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” I honestly expressed, cussing at him for the first time. Needing to get my point across.
He turned around, leaning his back against the railing. Crossing his arms over his fit chest with a stern look on his face.
“Oh! So that’s what gets a reaction. I need to start swearing more often.”
“Don’t test me, Amira. Trust me, you won’t like the outcome.”
I had the sudden desire to mock his uptight words in that moment, just to have him follow through with that threat. Wanting to feel his touch that was home to me. But I decided now wasn’t the time. I shook it off, earning a small grin to escape from his lips. He knew what I was thinking. It persuaded me to continue on.
“I don’t care what you claim. I know you, Damien. I may not know what you do every day, but who cares. I don’t even know what Mama Rosa does every day. That doesn’t mean I know her any less than I know you. I may be young, but I’m not a child. I’ll be fifteen in less than six months. That probably sounds like a kid to you, but that’s just because you’re old,” I teased, knowing it would get a rise out of him. He was only twenty-three.
He scoffed out a chuckle.
“I know the man that you are in here.” I placed my palm over his heart. “The guy you are when you’re with me, and that’s all that’s ever mattered and that’s the reality of our friendship. So please stop pushing me away. I’m not scared of you, Damien. I never have been. I’m definitely not going to start shying away from you now.”
“Why are you here, Mu?eca?” he asked out of nowhere, changing the subject. Removing my hand from his chest. I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt my feelings he was rejecting my touch.
“I was worried about you.” I shrugged. “You always tell me when you can’t come over to Mama Rosa’s and… I just wanted to make sure nothing had happened to you. That’s all.”
“So you thought sneaking out and coming to my apartment in the middle of the night. Alone. Would do what, exactly? Bring me happiness?”
“Well, when you put it that way, no. I don’t really like the way you’re being with me right now, though.”
“Do you think it makes a difference to me, if you like it or not? I can’t imagine you’d think I’d let this slide.”
“Is it because I snuck out? Or because I eavesdropped? Or simply because I defended you, revealing to your dad I was still alive?”