“It’s got two bedrooms in the back. In case you ever need to crash. You’ll have your own room.”
“Why? We can just share a room like we do at Rosarío’s.”
I touched the end of her nose, and for some reason it always made her eyes light up. “You’re not going to be nine forever, Amira. One day it won’t be appropriate for us to share a bed anymore, and when that day comes, you’ll have your own space in my apartment.”
She shrugged, not paying me any mind, walking toward the balcony. “Whatever, I’ll just sneak into your room when I have nightmares.”
I shook my head, stifling a laugh. “Ay, Mu?eca…”
“What?” She turned to look at me. “You know I don’t like to sleep by myself, Damien. You keep the monsters away. Plus, I don’t need all those itchy blankets that Rosarío has, you’re like a heating blanket. Just lying next to you, I’m nice and warm.”
“Amira, you can’t say shit like that.”
She arched an eyebrow, scratching her head. “I can’t say shit like what?”
“Like that,” I asserted, pointing at her. “You definitely can’t swear. Rosarío will wash your mouth out with soap. Trust me, she tried plenty of times with me.”
“Then why do you still use them?”
“Because I’m a man,” I simply stated. “You’re far too sweet and young to be saying vulgar things. You will be a lady. Don’t let me hear you swear again. Do you understand me?”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t be teaching me your bad habits.” She abruptly spun back around, flipping her long brown hair over her shoulder, and stepped out onto the balcony. “Your apartment overlooks the ocean! I’m never leaving! Do you remember, Damien? How I told you I wanted to have a house like this too? Just like the Little Mermaid!” she excitedly exclaimed, jumping up and down.
I leaned against the glass door, folding my arms over my chest, shaking my head. I couldn’t help but be amused by her subtle way of changing the subject. “I remember, Amira.” And I did, it was the only reason I got this place. “How about we go for a swim? Rosarío brought over a few bathing suits for you.”
She sighed, bowing her head.
“What? What happened?”
“I don’t know how to swim.”
“Well, lucky for you, I do and can teach you how,” I reassured her, extending my hand for her to take. “Come on. You’ll be a mermaid in no time.”
She smiled again, peering up at me through her long, thick lashes that always reminded me of the dolls I’d buy her.
“And Yuly?” she added, attentively waiting for my reply.
I nodded. “Yes, Mu?eca. Yuly too.”
As much as I wanted to go see Amira, there wasn’t a chance in hell I’d let her witness me like this again tonight. It had been several months since I lost my shit on her at Rosarío’s, showing her the man behind the fa?ade. I was worried that night would change her attitude toward me, she would become guarded and possibly frightened to be around me, but she didn’t. If anything, she became more attached. Worrying about me in her Amira sort-of-way.
She started leaving me with a bunch of random things, always including Yuly. I’d find them stashed in my car, my jackets, and my overnight bag. Anywhere she knew I’d look later on when she wasn’t around. As if she knew I needed to laugh or smile at some point during the day.
It ranged from books with highlighted passages in the chapters, to collected flowers for my apartment, to cookies she baked that tasted like shit, but I still ate them anyway. These were just to name a few. She never bothered asking me about the items. All she knew was I had found them, as soon as Yuly had unexpectedly returned to her room. I would place the doll on her bed when she wasn’t looking, or when she was off with Rosarío or by herself in the garden.
For Amira’s fourteenth birthday I had her favorite flower, white Mariposas, planted in the backyard with several trellises that lined the side of the house. More Mariposas and vines intertwined, blanketing the soil and spread up the lattice. The garden quickly became her new obsession. She’d spend hours out there with Rosarío or her chickens, pulling weeds and making sure the plants were properly taken care of. She’d prance around with a flower behind her ear as she twirled in circles, flapping her arms like a butterfly, wearing her flowy garden dresses that had rips and stains at the bottom. Probably from being barefoot and running through the grass every chance she got. She was still a ranch girl at heart.
I’d walk into the kitchen and hear her laughter cascading off the greenery from the open sliding doors. The same little girl who used to cry herself to sleep, didn’t have a care in the world when she was out there. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever gotten to see, over and over again. I always took a few seconds to soak up her contagious sounds, smiling to myself, knowing that I had done something right by her. Since the night I lost my temper, I found myself gravitating toward Amira more often than not. It only took a moment of weakness on my behalf for her to witness the side of me that everyone had met. Experiencing my wrath that I spent years shielding her from.
Except, I wasn’t a monster in her eyes.
Not even close.
From the second we locked eyes, a sense of protection and possession came over me. It was the craziest thing I had ever felt, but I couldn’t help it. It was there, threading itself into my skin, making me feel warmth and contentment. She awakened something within my being, causing me to feel less fucking dead inside. Her energy, her innocence, her love for me, it all became a magnet. Little by little she became a staple piece in my world that I needed in order to keep going.
I may have saved her life.
But she kept me alive.
None of it made any sense. Our connection was solely linked through darkness, but now there was blinding light added into the mix. We were balancing on the tightrope of existence, walking the thin line toward each other, waiting for the inevitable to happen. Not knowing which way we’d fall.
Into the dark or light.
It only seemed like yesterday she was sneaking into my bedroom when she had a nightmare. “I’m sorry I woke you up again. I know you’re really tired,” Amira muttered loud enough for me to hear as she turned to face me.
I’d lost count of how many times she’d woken me up from one of her night terrors. It had become a routine, usually a few hours after she fell asleep. Tonight, we were watching a movie on the couch and she had passed out near the end. I didn’t want to move her, knowing that most of the time it was difficult for her to fall asleep in the first place. I laid a blanket over her tiny frame, making sure to leave the table lamp on beside her. I knew she’d be scared if she woke up alone in a dark room in the middle of the night. Amira was comfortable staying in my apartment, but sometimes she would wake up disoriented as hell until she pushed herself out of the haze her nightmares brought on.