Refolding it, I just sobbed for the longest time, crying for a number of reasons. I mourned the innocence of the boy who’d penned all those notes. I felt terrified for what I now knew would happen to him in the future. But at the same time, that final message about learning from mistakes made so much sense to me, the words perhaps more important to me now than he ever could have realized then.
I looked at the clock. I knew it was the middle of Landon’s lunch hour rush, but I needed to hear his voice, needed for him to hear what was in my heart in that moment before I lost the courage to say it.
After a few rings, he picked up. He knew I never called him while he was working and sounded alarmed to be hearing from me at that time of day. “Rana, is everything okay?”
I could hear something frying on his stove and a crowd of people talking.
“I know you’re busy,” I said.
“Hang on.” He spoke to his customers, “I’m really sorry. I just need a minute, please. I have to take this.” When he returned, he said, “Never too busy for you.”
“I just had to call you to tell you that…it doesn’t matter to me. I want to be with you. I know you made a very big mistake. Believe me, I understand what it’s like to make mistakes. But a wise boy once told me that ‘maybe it’s not really a mistake if you learn from it.’ That was you, Landon. So, yes, I’ve made mistakes, too. And I’ve learned from them. But I know trusting you isn’t one of them. And I promise, you will never see shame in my eyes when I look at you. You’re still the boy I looked up to. You’re just a man now, who’s lived, made mistakes, and learned from them. I needed to call and tell you that.”
He let out a long, shaky breath into the phone. Seeming overcome with emotion, he didn’t say a word.
It sounded like he sniffled. Was he crying?
Then, I heard him say to one of his customers, “It’s the onions.”
“Are you cooking with onions?
“No.” He laughed.
I closed my eyes tightly and smiled.
“You’d better get back to your customers.”
“Why couldn’t you still be here, Rana? You’re too damn far away, and I really need to kiss you right now for that.”
“I hope we can see each other soon.”
“You have to dance tonight, right?”
“No, the restaurant is closed for a private party, actually. I’m home tonight.”
“Good. I’ll call you around eight your time after I close down the truck. I’m gonna try to pay you back properly for those beautiful words you just said to me. Try to be home at that time.”
“I’ll be here.”
I was a useless ball of shit the rest of that day, waiting for Landon to call.
My mind kept racing, alternating between relief and panic.
On one hand, I had finally decided to put his history in perspective and where it belonged—in the past—and that made me feel like we could move on with a relationship.
On the other hand, I hadn’t aired my own dirty laundry and honestly didn’t know how doing so might affect things between us.
But telling Landon what happened with me would mean having to deal with something that I wasn’t truly ready to face, something that may change the way he saw me.
By the time he called, he’d unfortunately caught me in panic mode.
Landon barely had a chance to say hello when I hit him with my insecurities.
“I feel like a hypocrite, because even though you’ve opened up to me, I haven’t been able to do the same. But I am not as ready to deal with my own…stuff.”
“What if I assure you that there’s nothing you could ever tell me that would make me not want to be with you?”
“How could you truly say that?”
“Because it’s the truth.”
I’m not so sure about that, Landon.
“Did you murder someone?” he asked.
“No.”
“Is it something that would put you or me in physical harm?”
“No.”
“Are you gonna talk about it tonight with me?”
“No.”
“Then I’m gonna take my chances, okay? I think we’ve had enough stress recently. You sound really wound up in particular. Why don’t you just lie back and let me help you relax. I think we both need that.”
“How exactly are you gonna do that if you’re not here?”
“Are you challenging me? If that’s the case, I’d like to make you come, so you can sleep well tonight.”
“Um…wow, okay.”
“When was the last time you had a really good orgasm?”
Just hearing those words come out of his mouth made my legs weak.
Swallowing, I admitted, “I gave myself one in your bed the night you sucked on my breasts.”
“Shit, really?”
“Yes. You turned me on then left me to take care of it.” I laughed.
His tone grew seductive. “That was rude of me.”
“It was.”
“What kind of asshole does that?”
“You had your reasons.”
“I think I jerked off like three times in the shower that night. I’m glad I didn’t know you were doing that in my bed. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to stay away.”
Things grew silent. I could hear him rustling in his sheets. It sounded like he might’ve been taking off his clothes.
“I’m gonna try to make up for that a little bit now. Actually, let me call you back on the landline phone,” he said.
“Why?”
“We’re gonna need to use our cell phones to take pictures while we talk.”
“Pictures?”
“You know…illustrate things. I need to see you.”
Just the thought of getting to see his hard body was making me incredibly wet. When he called back, I answered the main phone jokingly.
“Hello…is this the perv who’s about to ask me what I’m wearing?”
“No. No need for that question…because I want you naked with nothing but your beautiful hair covering you. Take your clothes off and take your hair down.”
“I’ve never done this before…phone sex.”
“It’s like sex…but over the phone.”
“You don’t say?”
“It’s a gateway to video chat fucking, but we’ll ease you into virtual sex. We’ll start with just the phone.” He let out a mischievous laugh. “Take off your clothes, Rana. Every last piece. I want you bare.”
I did as he said, removing every item of clothing until I was completely naked.
“Okay,” I breathed.
“I want you to text me a picture of you just as you are now. You decide how much or how little you want me to see,” he said.
Before I could change my mind, I snapped the shot. I was naked with my tits showing but made sure my hair was strategically placed to cover my crotch.
Landon’s voice was gruff. “Christ. You look like a fucking goddess with your hair wrapped around you like that.”
“I want to see you, too.”
“You will. Open your legs wide and touch yourself. Know that I’m jerking off to your photo and imagining that my hand is really your tight pussy wrapped around my cock. Fuck. This picture…I can’t take my eyes off you.” He grunted. “Why? Why can’t you be here right now?”
“You mean, you wouldn’t leave me all alone in your bed tonight?”
“Hell, no. You’d never sleep alone again.”
“It’s been so long for me, Landon.”
“I can’t imagine what it’s going to feel like for you, then.”
“You know what I’ve never done?”
His breathing got heavier in anticipation. “What?”
“I’ve never given oral sex.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Has anyone done it to you?”