He walked me as far as he could before he was no longer allowed access.
I gently scratched at the scruff on his chin. “This trip was amazing.”
He took both of my hands in his and firmly gripped them. “Amazing isn’t strong enough of a word to describe the past week for me. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. No matter what happens, I will always be forever grateful that you hopped on that plane to see me. In the meantime, I’ll pray that I get to see you again soon.”
“Have I mentioned flying makes me nervous? This is only my second time ever.”
“Then that makes it even more special that you came.” He let go of my hands and nudged on my bag. “You got your Rubik’s Cube?”
Despite feeling like my world was ending, I forced a smile. “Yes.”
A muffled boarding call reminded me that time was running out. “I have to go.”
“Okay.” Placing his hands on my cheeks, he planted a hard kiss on me as if he would never have the chance to do it again. “Take care of yourself, baby,” he said over my lips.
“You, too.”
He slid his hands from my cheeks down my arms and hugged me again before slowly letting go.
I was about to leave when he stopped me. “Wait.”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me something funny, Rana. I really fucking need it right now.”
This felt like a lot of pressure given my miserable state. Then I remembered something that happened to me that morning.
“I’ve been so preoccupied since last night, I brushed my teeth with your shaving cream this morning. I’ve never seen it in a tube like that before. So, if I tasted like I went down on the Old Spice guy, that’s why.”
He bent his head back in laughter then kissed me on the forehead. “Never fails. Thank you.”
“I guess I should be happy it wasn’t Preparation H.”
Landon’s smile faded before he kissed me one last time.
As I walked away, listening to the loud echo of my heels, I turned around to find that he hadn’t moved. He was still standing in the same spot with his hands in his pockets. Don’t ask me how, but I just knew he wasn’t going to leave until I was completely out of sight. That was the type of person he was. I wondered what he was thinking in that moment, whether he doubted if he’d ever see me again.
With each step I took away from Landon, I felt emptier and out of sorts—truly like I was leaving a piece of myself behind.
Landon had stuck a wad of cash without my knowing into my coat pocket—five hundred-dollar bills. I’d only realized it as I was exiting the plane after we landed in Detroit.
Once outside, the brutal cold air was certainly a rude awakening. The Uber I’d called was taking a long time to arrive. As I waited, it really hit me how depressing it was here compared to California.
But it wasn’t even the weather. It felt like I had a hole in my heart. I missed him already. So much. Even more than when I’d left him standing there at the airport. The reality of the distance now between us made the ache so much worse.
Every time my mind would wander to his past, to disturbing images of him screwing different women for money, I would quickly shift my attention away from that. At the moment, those thoughts were background noise. I couldn’t yet deal with them. The more pressing issue was that being home no longer felt that way at all.
Desperately needing to hear his voice, I picked up my phone and dialed his number.
Landon picked up after three rings. “Rana?”
“Yes, it’s me.”
He sounded sleepy. “You made it home okay?”
“I’m here. Whether I’m okay is debatable.”
“I’ve been numb all day. I’m in my room right now staring at your outfit hanging in my closet while smelling you on my sheets, wondering if it was all a dream and if not, wondering how the hell I ever let you get on that plane.”
“I just needed to hear your voice. You sound like you were napping. Did I wake you?”
“I’d dozed off because I got no sleep last night. Fuck, I’m so glad you called.”
“You were very sneaky with that money, by the way.”
“Yeah, well, you went and had your dad pay for the ticket, which wasn’t right, because I told you I wanted to cover it. So, I wanted to get you back.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to. You need the money.”
“It seems so weird that you’re far away again.”
“I may not be physically with you right now, but I am always here for you. Anytime you need me, Rana, you know I’ll drop everything, right? If you ever need to talk to me or just hear my voice, I don’t care what time of day it is, you call me.”
I hadn’t shed one tear since Landon’s revelation last night, but I was starting to cry now. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why I’d chosen this moment to break down. There was only one thing I knew for sure. “I miss you already.”
“Are you crying?”
A tear fell down my cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you kidding? It means a lot to me that you are. Yesterday I wasn’t sure if you’d even continue speaking to me, let alone cry and say you miss me. Your tears right now are music to my ears.”
“I had a lot of time to think on the flight, but to be honest, every time my mind wanders to what you told me about your past, I instinctively block it out. It’s like a protective mechanism.”
“I can understand that. It’s sort of what I do whenever I think about it now. It’s how I deal with it, too.”
“Is it okay that I just don’t want to think about it at all right now?”
“Of course, that’s okay. You take all the time you need. Just don’t stop talking to me. I need to hear your voice every day.”
My Uber driver pulled up to the sidewalk in front of me.
“My ride is here.”
“Will you call me before you go to sleep tonight?”
“Yes,” I promised.
After we hung up, during the drive home, I focused on nothing but the noises around me in an attempt to clear my mind. Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson came on the radio. How ironic. Closing my eyes, I tried my best to relax for the rest of the ride.
Little did I know I was about to be greeted with a rude awakening when I got to my apartment.
Once inside, the place seemed eerily quiet. Usually, I could hear some kind of noise coming from my roommate’s bedroom. Instead, Lenny’s door was open, revealing an almost entirely empty space.
Oh, my God.
He was gone. Not a single item was left behind.
I was feeling a mixture of relief and paranoia.
Reaching for my phone, I immediately dialed Landon.
He picked up. “I didn’t expect to hear back from you so soon.”
“Lenny’s gone.”
“What? Like disappeared?”
“Like moved out, yeah. He took all of his things.”
“Well, shit. That’s a good thing, right?”
“I think so, yeah. I mean, a part of me is a little paranoid.”
“Of what?”
“That he might come back.” I laughed at myself, realizing how ridiculous that sounded.
“You’d rather live with him every day than live with the fear of him coming back?”