She shuddered. “I’m not, Gino. I hate pain. People like Zhu find women who get off on pain. That isn’t me.”
“No, baby, it isn’t. But he’s physically attracted. You’re beautiful and intelligent. You can contribute to their coffers by leading their research programs. You’re naturally passive or, for want of a better word, submissive. Best of all, for him, you don’t like pain. He doesn’t want a partner who gets off on it, he gets off on hurting people, seeing their pain. Where is he ever going to find a combination like that? My best guess is, he researched you thoroughly, watched you for a long time and then set a trap for you.”
She was silent, hating that he might be right. “You think I’m submissive?”
“Yeah, baby, I know you are, and that suits my personality. Fortunately, you also have that temper of yours so you’ll keep me in line.”
She frowned at him, thinking it over, and then she shook her head. “I like to please you, Gino, but I don’t think I’m submissive. I assert myself. Even with Whitney, and he scared me. Not like Zhu, but I knew he didn’t like me and he tossed me in solitary every chance he got. Knowing what would happen, I still defied him. Especially if he got upset with Bellisia or Shylah. It was easy enough to redirect his wrath to me.”
“Being submissive doesn’t make you a wimp, baby. You’re strong and courageous. I have no idea how you could hear his voice telling you that you’re a coward, when your brain has to tell you that you aren’t. Submissive can mean many things, but it doesn’t mean you lie down for everyone. It only means you prefer to comply with an authority figure.”
She did, but only if he was just. She nodded. “Whitney was an asshole to everyone. I wouldn’t call him in the least bit fair.” Which was why she’d defied him over contraband and a zillion other things. He didn’t deserve to be obeyed. She’d tried so hard to please him when she was young, but then, over time, realized nothing she did would ever be good enough. “Zhu was a thousand times worse.”
“Neither man deserved your surrender.”
She wasn’t talking about that with him, not until she thought it over more. “Why did the pheromones work on Zhu but not me? Because I swear, even when he was beating the shit out of me, the physical attraction, for him, grew toward me while mine toward him was completely gone. Even before he actually hurt me it was gone. One of the things I was afraid of was that he might douse me with whatever that was and I’d feel something for him.”
“Why would he ever use something like that on himself? If he wanted to get you to be attracted to him, he would use it on you, not him. It was to his advantage to make you want him, not the other way around. He had to have been naturally attracted. Probably the more he hurt you and you reacted the way he needed, the more it fed his attraction. Either you were right and the truth serum had a side effect, or they were trying out their own, obviously not as good as Whitney’s creation.”
“That information wouldn’t have been included in the file Violet gave Cheng,” Zara pointed out. “Whitney went through his computer very carefully. All details are compartmentalized. She gave Cheng the facts, that the United States had teams of soldiers enhanced both psychically and physically. There were some details, but mainly she counted on Cheng getting a soldier from your particular unit. She detested everyone here because they accepted the babies with their venom, and Pepper and Cayenne with theirs. Whitney was upset that he hadn’t gotten rid of Violet a while back, when he first began to lose control. He paired her with him, thinking that would take care of the problem, but it didn’t.”
“Because he doesn’t understand emotion.”
“No, he doesn’t,” she agreed. “He doesn’t seem to really feel much for anyone, unless it’s his adopted daughter, Lily, but she’s truly the only one, if he really does.” She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, thinking of all the talks she’d had with the doctor. “Although he even experimented on her. It bothered him that Ryland, her husband, was one of the first GhostWalkers because he considers all of that team flawed.”
“They need anchors, someone to draw the overload of psychic energy away from them, or they get brain bleeds like Pepper.”
She nodded. “Whitney never liked that she had a baby with Ryland. I know, if he got his hands on the child, he would experiment on him. He talked about it. Whitney often talked to me about experiments, mostly, I think, because he didn’t have anyone he trusted that much and he was certain I’d never be able to get away from him.”
“And you could understand what he was talking about.” Gino stood up and moved back into the shadows of one of the porch columns. She liked him close. Touching her. She really was too far gone on him if he couldn’t stand just a few feet away without her feeling the loss.
“Bellisia and Zeke are here, princess. Their car just pulled up.”
“I don’t see them.” She leaned forward to look into the yard, but she didn’t see Ezekiel’s car. She hoped Gino was right. She really wanted to talk to her best friend. She needed to straighten things out between them. She’d chosen Gino as her partner and she’d fallen hard for him, but she owed it to Bellisia to give her permission to tell her husband what Zara was hiding and to clear things up between them. She had never been terribly good at asserting herself, but this time, she had to make Bellisia understand why she’d lied about wanting to go out into the world and give talks.
She wanted to get away from Whitney’s compound, but traveling alone was terrifying. Surely, she could explain that to Bellisia’s satisfaction. Of course, it wasn’t that Bellisia wouldn’t understand—it was the fact that Zara had lied to her.
“Zeke likes to park close to the road, just out of sight of the house, but also of anyone passing by. He parks where that big stand of trees covers his car. You okay? They’re coming now. I’ll disappear and give you time to talk to her.”
She wanted to cling to him, but she wasn’t going to be a coward. She loved Bellisia and her sister deserved an explanation. “Thank you. And I’ll have an answer for you about who to talk to when you come back.”
“She’ll tell you Trap and Wyatt are good men and they won’t talk out of turn.”
She hoped not. If they did, she knew there was a good chance the major general would send her right back to Whitney. If not him, someone above him.
14
“Z
ara? Gino?” Bellisia came running up the stairs leading to the porch. She was soaking wet, the water running off her in small rivulets. Behind her, looking protective, was Ezekiel. He was wet too, but he had a towel and was drying off as he watched them warily.
“I’m so sorry for the way I acted,” Bellisia said immediately, making Zara feel worse. Zara shook her head to try to forestall her but Bellisia continued. “I don’t know why I’m so anxious for you, Zara. I just want to lock you away where no one can get to you. Just for a little while until I know you’re whole again.”
Bellisia looked down at her hands. Zara couldn’t tell if tears were swimming in her eyes or if it was the water from the river. “I saw those bruises and lacerations all over you and it just about killed me. If I hadn’t escaped, if I’d gone back, maybe Whitney wouldn’t have sent you to Cheng.”
“Of course he would have sent me, Bellisia,” Zara said immediately. “We talked about escaping. All three of us. We had an agreement. There’s no reason for you to feel like any of this was your fault, because it wasn’t.”
“I shouldn’t have told you I needed to tell Ezekiel, and I haven’t.” Bellisia sent Ezekiel a quick look of guilt. “That shouldn’t have been my first response. It’s just that I trust him so much and I guess I didn’t think beyond that.”