She pushed back her hair and looked at him, feeling shame all over again. “I didn’t leave the others until the training was over. I helped them as best I could. When we were returned to the barracks, then I went. Honestly, Gino, I didn’t desert my team.”
“Zara, Whitney needs someone to put a bullet in his head and put him out of his misery. Seriously. A woman breaks her arm, she needs a doctor. Waiting can cause more damage. The man is an ass. You didn’t do anything wrong and you’re not a coward. He tried to make you feel like one, but any man or woman who took the kind of beating you did without breaking is no coward.”
“I feel broken,” she confessed. “I don’t know why his opinion mattered so much to me.”
He went up on his knees, cupped her face in his palms and kissed her. He brushed his mouth gently over hers, and then deepened the kiss. This one wasn’t a wildfire like many of the others. This one was tender. Warm. Compassionate. This one said things that got to her. When he lifted his head, his gaze held hers.
“His opinion mattered to you because he was your only parent. Your father figure. You’re not broken, Zara. You didn’t break. You’re a little damaged, but that’s all. We’re fixing the damage, and once we do, you’re going to be so strong. The things he said will be a distant memory. You’re smart, baby. You’re so damn smart you were a threat to him. Whitney wants everyone to believe he’s the most intelligent person in the room. He despises women and thinks they’re inferior. You were a huge threat to him so he had to make you feel like you were nothing. That was his goal and his way to make you do what he said.”
She leaned down to brush her lips over his. “You make me feel whole. I know I’m supposed to feel that way all on my own, but right now, when I’m with you, I feel safe and complete. Thank you for that.”
“Believe it or not, Zara, you make me feel the same way. I looked for you, for the right woman to share my life with, and until I saw you, I didn’t think there was anyone out there who could live with me. You think you’re damaged? I know you’re a little broken from the things Zhu did to you, but I know damaged. That’s me, princess, not you. There was a gaping hole in me, maybe where my heart and soul are supposed to be, and that’s gone too. You do that for me. We’re meant to be. It’s as simple as that.”
She wanted it to be that simple. If she could just figure out what to do with the information stored in the SSD in her brain and get rid of it, she’d be very happy.
“I’m adding to the plans for the house. We have a lot of acreage, Zara. I want to know what you’re going to need for your research center. Money isn’t an object, so put down everything you can think of on your list as you make it. This evening we can go over floor plans, so I have an idea what to have drawn up.”
“Research center?” she echoed.
He nodded. “Of course. You’re going to want to continue where you left off with your work, right? You don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to. We can bring in whoever you need to assist you, and when you have to travel to the university, I’ll go with you.”
She got that he didn’t ask her if she wanted him to go with her. She got that because she knew another woman might have pointed it out, but she was grateful he didn’t force her to admit she didn’t want to travel alone.
“I can’t believe you’d have a research center built for me here.”
“Your home is here. Someday we’ll have children. I doubt that’s going to stop you from wanting to continue your work.”
It wouldn’t. She loved what she did. She loved sharing it and talking with others interested as well. She wouldn’t be alone. That was what she heard and what she clung to. “Do you really mean it, Gino? You’ll go with me?”
He nodded slowly, his features very serious and her heart sank again, afraid he would take it back. “I won’t like you traveling without me, Zara, or at least without a couple of the others if I’m away. It’s important to me that you discuss all your traveling dates with me ahead of time so we can work that out.”
He wasn’t asking again. She got that. She found herself smiling. “That’s sound good, Gino, I can do that.”
“And we have to get on figuring out how to get the information from the SSD into someone’s hands so Whitney has no reason to try for you again.”
“I’ll talk to Bellisia today. I’m hoping to spend time with her and fix the problems we have. Mostly, I think, I really didn’t understand relationships between a man and a woman. I would have a difficult time keeping something from you.”
“I wouldn’t like it, princess. Zeke might get upset and talk to Bellisia about keeping secrets, but you would have serious consequences for keeping anything from me. When someone wants to talk to you about something important, when they give you that kind of responsibility, you make damn sure they know they’re talking to both of us before you take it. Understand?”
She was back on “serious consequences.” “What kind of consequences?”
“Babe, really? Do you think I’m capable of hitting you? Hurting you in any way? You’re what I’ve looked for my entire life. I’m not dumb enough to fuck that up by being an asshole.”
She couldn’t imagine him hitting her. She liked that he understood she did take responsibility for the things others told her and that he wanted to share that burden with her. She knew other women wouldn’t want Gino taking that off her, but she was coming to understand, she wasn’t “other” women, and her needs came first with him. He didn’t want her to be embarrassed because she didn’t like making those decisions. She could if she needed to, but when it was unnecessary, she didn’t have to. There was freedom in knowing that.
“I like that you’re building …”
“We’re building,” Gino corrected decisively. “The two of us, Zara. I want you to go over the plans for the house as well as the research center. It will be your house too, so you need to have it exactly the way you want,” he reiterated.
“Our house then. I like that Cayenne and Trap are going to be our closest neighbors. I like Cayenne.” She identified with her in some ways. She wouldn’t mind being neighbors with her. Cayenne wasn’t the type to hang out at the back fence and talk and she wouldn’t expect Zara to either.
Gino shot her a glance as he leaned one hip against the porch column. “Cayenne isn’t to everyone’s taste. Most people are intimidated by her. She’s good for Trap and she’s damn good to him.”
“I’ve seen the way she is with him.”
It was impossible to miss. Trap came in the day after Gino had removed the virus capsules and he, Wyatt and Gino got lost in examining the virus under microscopes and a dozen other instruments they had in Wyatt’s lab. Cayenne had come in with them, stayed to the back of the room to watch in silence, but every time Trap needed something, a pen, paper, a drink, whatever, she had it there before he asked. All he did was drop his gaze, look around him and she was handing it to him.
Zara couldn’t help watching her, seeing the look on her face when she gave Trap whatever he needed. Once, she was certain, Trap needed Cayenne. He turned abruptly without a word to anyone in the room, walked out, his arm circling Cayenne’s waist as he went by her, lifting her and taking her with him. When they returned, he was less restless and more centered, and she was glowing.
“She gives Trap whatever he needs and she does it without asking for anything in return. He gives her everything because she is everything to him,” Gino said.
His black eyes burned into her, right through her skin to brand his name on her bones. She knew there would never be a time that the moment she saw him, her heart wouldn’t beat faster and her sex wouldn’t clench and go liquid with need for him. He would never have to worry about other men because she wasn’t capable of seeing anyone else. Her world was completely centered around him and always would be, just as Trap was Cayenne’s center. She didn’t mind being like that woman at all.