Again, ouch. Jay flicked a guilty glance Landon’s way. “I didn’t mean it like that. Well, maybe, but damn, Landon.”
Landon almost passed out from nerves and need and hope when Jay was suddenly there in his face, hands on both sides of Landon’s neck. “I can’t get you out of my head. And I can’t stop wanting you. And I don’t want to hurt you. And all I could think about was talking to you.” Jay studied Landon’s face, eyes darting around desperately. “Sending you home the other day was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I mean ever.”
Landon’s tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and his eyes welled up. God, he couldn’t do this. Jay couldn’t make promises, but Landon couldn’t help wanting them. He’d never ached for someone like this, body and soul. He’d never wanted to help someone so much. He feared he might break from it.
“Jay,” Landon whispered. Jay pressed his mouth to Landon’s, and Landon’s whole body sang as he was pushed back into a shelf. The wood dug into his back, but Landon didn’t care as he gripped Jay’s forearms and sucked on his tongue.
They kissed like that for a few moments, Landon feeling lost to the man, until Jay pulled back, wide-eyed. The wonder there gutted Landon. Could Jay really have repressed himself that long and that hard?
“Jay, I have to go soon.” He hated to leave, but he was already behind schedule and he needed to clear his head, which would never happen trapped in that small room with Jay.
Jay reluctantly dropped his hands. “Yeah.” His voice was rough until he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I’m losing it.”
“No. Don’t apologize.”
“I don’t want to use you. You just put me at ease. It’s like having Sammy or…” He flushed again. They didn’t have time to get into any more random word vomit now.
“I think your head and your heart need a break,” Landon said. He reached out and gave in to the need to rub the place where Jay’s brows knitted together. “I’m going to give you an option. It’s up to you whether or not to take it.”
Another dubious look from Jay made Landon chuckle. “Okay.”
“So, I’m willing to be your sounding board. I’m not going to judge you.” He sighed. “I’ll be honest, I think about you a lot too. But I want what you think is best for you. I know you have a lot at stake. Just know, my door is open. I’ll be home tonight. Your kids are away. If you want to come to my house and just hang out or talk. I’ll even kiss you again if you twist my arm. But you have to make that choice.” He took the chance, in case it was his last, to run a hand down the side of Jay’s face, rubbing his thumb over those thinned lips. “If you don’t, I won’t be angry. I won’t cry in my beer. I’ll understand.” I hope. “We can be civil and pretend nothing happened. Or you can nut up and figure your shit out.”
Jay’s eyes widened in surprise.
And Landon left it at that. No goodbye kiss. He pulled his hand away and straightened his shirt and ball cap, then left with as much dignity as he could.
He knew he’d done the right thing, but he wanted to beg Jay to come over. Which was dumb because not twenty-four hours ago he was determined he should be done with it all. But if there was a chance, even at just helping Jay figure his shit out, he’d take it.
Or maybe he’d just been lonely too long and felt that connection with Jay. Fuck.
He’d see tonight.
Chapter 11
Jay felt wrung out. Between his godawful headaches, his uncharacteristically racing mind, and his emotional conversation with Landon that morning, he probably could go back to bed and sleep for a week.
Thankfully, work kept him fairly occupied most of the day, catching up with paperwork kept him busy between sorting out equipment issues and helping Ms. Lynne sort out the last few day’s stacks of mileage logs. She’d asked him more than once if he was sure he was up to being back at work, so he must have looked worse than he’d thought.