Okay, so maybe they’d passed that point, he knew he wanted the man. But he’d said it. No one would understand. He could barely understand. He hated even thinking he was glad his parents weren’t alive to see this.
But Jay’s mind kept wandering back to Landon. The way the man helped him without asking for anything in return, the way Landon smiled so easily when they spoke. Landon was smart and caring. If Landon was a woman, Jay thought he’d be the perfect step-mother.
Jay felt like shit even thinking that.
God, though, the sincere and honest respect Landon showed for how desperate Jay felt over his strange new life was bewildering in that Landon didn’t expect Jay to do anything other than hurt him. Jay’d seen that vulnerability in his eyes. He’d seen it in Beth’s eyes enough to know what it meant.
He was bastard enough to know he hadn’t really done anything to assuage that fear in Bethany over all those years, but he wanted so badly to prove to Landon and himself that he wouldn’t hurt Landon.
But he would, wouldn’t he? He was barely handling this whole self-awareness thing he found himself doing right now.
He went back downstairs and grabbed the keys to his truck. He needed to get out of the house, needed to breathe for a minute without the specter of his children around, or looking at his front door and remembering the way Landon’s hooded eyes looked as he swallowed Jay’s cock only two mornings ago.
His cock went rigid and he cursed himself for even thinking about that.
Driving around did little to ease his mind. In fact, if nothing else, it made him more antsy because he couldn’t forget that his only sense of peace lately had been in Landon’s company. Which was the most confusing thing of all, because Landon was also the biggest sense of turmoil in his life at the moment.
Approaching the metaphorical and physical fork in the road, the moment to put up or shut up arrived. He could go straight and head back home, crawl under his own sheets and try to sleep. Or he could take a slight left. To Landon. To uncertainty and complications, but also to five minutes of peace and a friendly ear.
He switched off his truck’s ignition and sat staring at the front of Landon’s cabin-style home. A light in the window flickered from the television as Jay tried to calm his breathing. He’d rarely ever acted this impulsively, even as a teenager. But he did something he’d done well his whole life, not overthink, and he just went with his gut.
Who knew his gut also wanted to be with Landon?
He sighed and got out of the truck. Before he made it to the front porch, the light flicked on and the world narrowed down to the man who walked out the front door. Landon crossed his arms against the chilly night breeze, because of course the weather decided to change with the hour, as southern weather was oft to do.
Jay couldn’t help taking in Landon’s shirtless torso, his hard, pink nipples on perfectly rounded pecs. His eyes wandered down a smooth, flat belly and followed the arrow of Landon’s Adonis belt to where his cock tented his thin, plaid pajama pants.
They both stood silently, looking at each other, Landon a little uncertainly. Then Jay made a conscious decision, one he didn’t know if he’d be able to turn back from, but one he didn’t think he’d want to take back.
He lifted his booted foot and stepped up onto the porch.
Chapter 12
Jay kept his eyes on Landon’s face as Landon backed into the house. Once they’d made it inside, Jay pushed the door shut behind him, but kept his gaze firmly on Landon’s.
“Hey,” Landon said gently, arms still crossed over his chest.
“Hey,” Jay replied.
“Want to sit down? Talk maybe?” Landon finally uncrossed his arms and held an arm out, indicating the living room.