Jay shrugged it off. “Look, Landon…”
Landon pulled a hand out of his pocket to hold it out in front of him. “Don’t even worry about it.” He didn’t think he could hear the blow-off. He’d already started licking his wounds the day before, no need ripping them open again.
“No. I need to say this.”
Great. Landon tried to set his face in the most impassive mask he could, then gave a single nod. Jay sighed and stood from his chair, coming around to the other side of his desk, leaning against the corner of it as he looked at Landon evenly.
“Jay, it’s really no big deal.”
“No big deal?” Jay’s booming voice echoed off the walls. Jay shrank back, lowered his tone. “No big deal, Landon? I’d say it’s… yes, it’s a big deal.”
“I get it.”
“Do you? Because I don’t.” Jay’s lost expression hurt to see. “I don’t get how someone my age could not know something like this.”
Landon’s head popped up, surprised. “Know what?”
“That I like a man.” Jay’s hands fluttered in front of him as he searched for his words and Landon would have smiled under any other circumstance at how cute the man looked in his confusion. “Like that.”
Don’t get ahead of yourself. Landon’s heart fluttered in his chest, nerves clenching his stomach. “Like that?”
Jay’s lips thinned.
“Jay?” Don’t push.
“No one will understand,” Jay said, barely a whisper. Landon’s chest ached for Jay. If Jay said the word, Landon would hug him right that second, but he didn’t imagine the moment was right.
“I still have a bit before I have to haul out. Why don’t you start from the beginning.” When Jay opened his mouth to protest, Landon shored himself up and took only a fraction of a step closer, going for supportive presence, not overbearing. “You won’t hurt my feelings.” I hope. “And I’m the one person who won’t judge you. I’m not trying to push you, but you obviously need to talk about it.”
“Here, though?” Jay looked around the office.
“Neutral territory, I figure.”
Jay snorted like he didn’t quite think as much.
“Or tell me to fuck off. I’ll understand. I just—we’re friends, right?”
Landon didn’t like that Jay had to think on that, he wanted to snarl at Jay’s dubious expression. He almost fled, he definitely didn’t need this shit. Things were uncomfortable, and just because Jay hadn’t punched Landon’s lights out yet, didn’t mean he wouldn’t if he felt cornered.
“Yes. We’re friends. This is just a lot to take in and part of me wants to kick your ass.” Landon winced. “Because I feel things for you, Landon. And I’m remembering things I hadn’t ever really thought on.”
Landon tilted his head in question and Jay rubbed his palm over his forehead. “Landon, I’m a simple guy. A redneck, if you wanna go that far.”
“I don’t think that, Jay.”
“Either way, I’m not educated or worldly. I don’t like to overanalyze things, I don’t get in my head. In fact, that was a huge problem in my marriage. I don’t talk things out, because I really don’t have anything going on upstairs to talk about.” Landon thought that was the dumbest thing Jay’d ever said, but he refused to break the spell that had Jay spilling his guts. He obviously needed it.
Jay’s eyes beseeched understanding. “One time, it was even mentioned I might be on some spectrum of something-or-other, until the marriage counselor decided I just compartmentalized.” Jay shook his head. “All that money and all those big words and it didn’t even save my marriage. Maybe I am just queer.”