He picks up the trunela leg and continues cooking it. My mouth waters as the whole cave starts smelling like fresh lobster. I close my eyes and think back to summer vacations in Maine. Goddamn, that smells good!
After a few minutes, he cracks open the hard shell of the leg and hands me a chunk of white meat the size of a watermelon. It’s greasy and flaky and smells fucking delicious.
“If you have a bowl of butter over there, I’ll give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had,” I say. He tilts his head as he stares at me with confusion on his rugged face.
“Never mind,” I mutter before biting into it. Oh. My. God. This bite is almost worth the alien abduction, the T-Rex chase, and every other shitty thing that has happened in the past few days. I’m in heaven.
Turic watches proudly as I devour it faster than a puppy eating at dinner time. My stomach is hurting but I snatch another piece out of his hands when he offers it. This trunela thing tastes better than lobster.
Free all you can eat lobster and I don’t even have to put out after. Well, hopefully not.
I take another bite, thankful that I’m eating him and he’s not eating me, which was his initial plan before Warrior Smurf over here stuck a knife in his brain.
“So, Turic,” I say, leaning back and holding my stomach, which feels like it’s about to explode. “What do you do for fun when you’re not slaying trunelas?”
“Trunela,” he says, offering me another piece.
I shake my head. “Have you seen the new Iron Man movie?”
He tilts his head as he breaks off another piece. And I thought I ate a lot.
“Do you have a wife? Girlfriend? Boyfriend?”
He seems to have given up on trying to communicate and he just keeps eating. It dawns on me that he’s done all of the work and I’ve done nothing but take, take, take. I haven’t been the best companion.
“Here,” I say reaching for the trunela leg. “Have some mor-FUCK!”
I whip my hand back, clutching it to my chest. There’s a fucking spike sticking out of my finger. The blood starts oozing out and I close my eyes trying to focus on my breathing so that I don’t pass out.
Turic is by my side at once, gently holding my hand and inspecting my trunela splinter. I’ve never been good with blood and I’m already starting to get woozy.
“No!” I yell as he darts out of the cave leaving me all alone. I told you I wasn’t the best companion. Either that or blood makes him just as squeamish as it makes me.
He comes running back in with a huge red leaf. He snaps the thick stalk in half and squeezes out some clear gel onto his finger. He’s at my side at once. I close my eyes as he gently pulls out the spike and I hold my breath waiting for more pain, but shockingly, it’s all gone.
I open my eyes and he’s gently rubbing the gel on my cut. The bleeding stops and so does the pain. Big red leaf equals magical medicine. I have to remember that.
Everything is so foreign. So alien.
It finally hits me that I’m a long way from earth with absolutely no way to get back. When the tears come they come hard and before I know it I’m sobbing uncontrollably into a big blue chest.
Turic wraps his huge heavy arms around me as the sobs keep coming, each one more devastating than the last. I nuzzle my cheek onto his chest and just let them come.
seven
The mighty Turic holds his frail little Sandroka in his arms while she cries. She is so weak and frail. It just makes Turic want to protect her more.
The red leaf of the juju plant is lying on the floor of the cave. Turic doesn’t understand. The sweet nectar inside should have made the pain go away. So, why is she still crying?
Maybe it doesn’t work on her soft pink skin. Or maybe since she is so frail she needs more. Turic reaches for it but she shakes her head, speaking her funny language again.
“It’s not my finger,” she says. “It’s everything else.”
Turic doesn’t know what she says so he just holds her tight while she cries. She seems to like that. Still, Turic would like to make the pain in her finger go away.
It feels nice, holding her like this. Turic’s soum thumps inside his mighty chest and it feels good. So, it confuses Turic why she hasn’t wanted to complete the mating ritual and get Turic’s baby inside her womb. Turic tried to take off her peculiar animal skins but she was not happy. Maybe she doesn’t have a culip after all.
She wipes her eyes and begins talking her gibberish once again. “I’m okay,” she says as she wipes her eyes. “I just needed to get that out. It’s been a tough day.”
Turic holds up more meat of the trunela but she pushes his hand back down. Turic doesn’t know what she wants and it’s making him tense. The mighty Turic wants to please her in every way possible but he doesn’t understand what she wants.
“I have to use the ladies’ room,” she says as she gets up. Turic just stares, not understanding anything. “Can I pee in the corner here?”
She walks to the back of the cave and Turic gasps as he sees the celestial marking on her back. The prophecy. It’s true. It’s her!
“Saku!” Turic says, jumping up. She’s the chosen one from the prophecy. She’s the Saku!