But for some murky reason, I don’t think I’ll be here when that happens.
I sigh. “It doesn’t make any sense, but it feels like something bad is going to happen.”
“You think you’re going to have to run.” Her voice is soft but rings clear through the way my nerves haven’t stopped buzzing since Kalos left.
“Yeah.” I shrug. “It’s probably just paranoia, but the bag helps me feel a little better.”
“Ah.” Maggie sits back as if she suddenly understands everything, her expression thoughtful. “You should trust your intuition.”
I roll my eyes more at myself than Maggie’s advice. “My intuition is what started this. I went down to the caverns because of this feeling. I could have asked Ben to help me or told you where I was going. I could have demanded that Kalos show me the caverns. But it felt… necessary.” My shoulders drop. “I’m not used to relying on people.”
I thought that Kalos was the one that was struggling in this relationship, but I don’t even know how to be a part of a family, and I’ve made everything worse.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. This is all new to you,” Maggie says.
I shake my head even though she’s right. Everything about my life now is new.
“And I suspect that there are other things at work.” Maggie hums before continuing. “Kalos mentioned that you didn’t want to explore your heritage. Which is understandable. Children with mixed blood haven’t been treated well by either side historically, so to leave that stone unturned is wise…” Maggie trails off.
“But?”
Her eyes sharpen. “But you have fae blood and it’s influencing you. Your abilities are fae-like, more so than I realized, and there are details about the fae that would help you navigate them.”
Excitement sparks in the midst of my misery. I’d told Maggie about my weird abilities when Kalos mentioned that I had fae blood, but she hadn’t mentioned anything like this. “Like what?”
“The fae believe in fate,” she starts.
I try to keep my shoulders from dropping. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but… a lot of people believe in fate. Even humans who don’t know about magic believe in fate. This is hardly the revelation I was looking for.
I must not be able to keep my thoughts from my face because Maggie laughs.
“I promise it’s relevant. Fate is hardly a unique concept, but we are especially sensitive to it. It’s the way that life moves around us. The flow of the world is a constant hum and guides those who can listen to it where they are supposed to be.” She hesitates before continuing, “It may be hard for you to accept, but the things that are fated to happen will happen no matter any action taken. I suspect that’s why what you dream has never been changeable.”
“And you think this feeling I’m getting is me tuning into fate?” I don’t like that. Don’t like that at all. “And there’s nothing I can do about it? No way to change the outcome? That hardly seems useful.”
Maggie’s smile is slow. “It’s a very human reaction to want everything to be useful. The ideology is to take comfort in the fact that what’s supposed to happen cannot be altered so easily. For good or ill, our belief system is more passive in comparison to the more mortal belief that you carve your own destiny.”
“One does feel more empowering than the other,” I mutter.
Maggie gets a faraway look in her eyes. “You’re not wrong. Our society has suffered for this reliance on what will be, will be, but when you receive nudges from the universe toward paths that don’t seem to be alterable… you work with what you’ve been given.” She clears her throat. “The intuition is not to avert the future we travel, but to act as a warning.”
So all the fae have moments of paranoia like mine? My paranoia isn’t actually paranoia, but an early warning system? That’s an easier truth from me to swallow than that I’m marching to fate’s drum. Perhaps I am too human to give myself over to this ambiguous power, but I can listen to the warning sirens in my head and trust that where there is smoke, there is fire.
Maggie continues, “The nudges that you’re sensitive to are not comfortable, but place you where you are required to be. You may regret going down to the caverns because it caused Kalos to leave, but it’s what needed to happen. Kalos would have avoided his other half out of fear for you until it produced a truly dangerous situation if you hadn’t done what you did.”
I scoff. “I thought that situation was plenty dangerous. Thank you very much.”
Maggie raises a brow and I sigh, because yeah, it could have all been much worse. It doesn’t make me feel any better that some compulsion is what instigated the fight we had.
Kalos has to deal with his dragon, and I have to deal with being a conduit of fate.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
Maggie presses her shoulder to mine in affection. “But you can handle it. You were always meant to be the one to push Kalos from his comfort zone.”
“He doesn’t want to be pushed,” I say before pressing my lips together. Dark emotions gather like storm clouds when I think about Kalos. Thankfully my intuition is taking up most of my contemplation because the quagmire of my emotions around Kalos feels like it has the power to break me.
Maggie’s smile is rueful. “No one wants to be pushed, but it’s not a decision for us to make.”
What will be, will be. The sentiment is sour on my tongue. I don’t like it, but I can make it useful. I can be ready to act when whatever bad thing my nerves are trying to warn me is on the horizon comes for us.
WHEN THE FIRST EXPLOSION HAPPENS, it’s cathartic.
Which is not what I’d expect from the experience, but the encroaching intuition has drawn my muscles to the point of pain over the day. Having a name for what I’m experiencing helps some… but it mostly makes me impatient.
So the boom that rattles the house nearly has me collapsing in relief. The relief is gone in a flash. Something is happening. Is someone attacking the manor? A gas leak? That one is unlikely. Whatever it is, it’s time to leave.
I pick up my bag from its spot under my easel and look around.
“Griffin?” I call out. He was just here! My eyes start to water, and I run down the hall to Kalos’s room. It’s his favorite place to spend the day. Each step makes my heartbeat thunder faster and harder in my chest.
I need to leave… but I can’t leave my cat.
My throat tightens at the idea of leaving everyone else, but Maggie said that she wasn’t experiencing the same type of intuition. I’m the one who can’t be here if the wards fail.
Or fate is sending me somewhere else… let’s not think about that right now.
But that thought has my stride slowing. If I’m supposed to go somewhere else because of that bitch, Fate, wouldn’t it be better for Griffin to stay?
I can’t give up on him that easily. I finally get to Kalos’s room and burst in. I can barely breathe through the constriction of panic in my chest.
“Griffin? Where are you? Here kitty kitty!” There’s no croaky meow, and I forcibly cut off my sob. The room is empty.