I CLOSE my eyes and try to take comfort in the hot water, but peace eludes me. Somewhere across town, Maggie and Ben are dealing with the absence of Kalos, Nemo is probably surfing free after a big payday, and who knows what Stella is doing, but I bet it’s something more productive than secretly soaking in the waters of a densely warded bathhouse.
It’s hard not to feel like this is indulgent, but this is the best place for me to be. Technically, it’s still too close to danger, but Rose is loyal to Kalos, and I can get in touch with Gage through her if need be… in the event that Kalos doesn’t return.
Because I need to plan for that possibility.
My body aches. The water is hot, but I still shiver every few minutes. The pregnancy is taking a harder toll now that I’m on my own, and the injustice of that causes the angry frustration burning in my chest to spark.
Food any colder than piping hot has started to turn my stomach again, and my anger helps mask the fear that everything is only going to get worse. If my body temperature drops much more, I’ll need to send a message to Gage. He’ll be able to provide for me what Kalos can’t.
But that feels like a betrayal.
“Knock, knock. Is it okay for me to come in?” Rose calls out.
“Of course,” I answer, swallowing down my thoughts, but they only rest at the top of my stomach instead of vanishing, waiting for my next weak moment to try and rise up again. I’m wearing a sports bra and panty set that Rose had provided for my comfort since I don’t want to be flashing my goods while trying to keep from freezing to death.
“How are you doing?” Rose asks. She carries a bag of takeout and my mouth waters.
I inhale a shaky breath before pasting on a smile. “Good.”
Her lips twitch. “As good as can be expected, I’m sure.”
I shrug. When I arrived asking for sanctuary, I’d said that Kalos’s absence had emboldened his enemies. I didn’t say anything about the fight we had or that I’m half expecting him not to return, but the matchmaker seems to read between the lines of my words with eerie accuracy.
“Is there any news?” I ask.
“Word on the street says that the attack was the Leonids attempting to make moves. There was some damage, but the wards held for the most part. They stopped their attempt shortly before you showed up here actually,” Rose muses.
I nod. They were after leverage. They stopped because Nemo told them about a target too tempting to ignore.
A defenseless woman pregnant with Kalos’s child.
I left everything behind to get somewhere safe quickly, and it didn’t make a difference because I stumbled on the one person I’d trusted the longest…who didn’t even give me a five-minute head start.
I bite my lip and look away. I even left my damn cat. I’m the worst cat mom. I was in a panic and needed to go. The only thing keeping me calm is knowing that Maggie and Ben will take care of Griffin in my absence.
And if I hadn’t left, it’s likely that the Leonids would have eventually made it all the way through the wards instead of just the glass dome. Stupid Fate.
“Thank you again for helping me,” I say.
Rose shakes her head.
“Don’t mention it. We pregnant women need to look out for one another.” She winks. “Anyway, Kalos will be more than happy to pay the bill I send to him.”
My smile goes from fake to weak but honest. “I’m sure he’ll love that.”
Maybe I should feel guilty for racking up bills in his name, but it’s the least he deserves.
“I have your Thai order with triple the heat. Just the thing to burn your mouth off and help grow a dragon. I’m glad my baby only demands sushi nonstop,” Rose murmurs. “I shouldn’t be surprised. My mate is a kraken. Fish makes sense. It doesn’t matter that I could hardly stomach seafood before getting pregnant.”
I snort out a laugh. “I couldn’t handle spicy food at all.”
We share a comfortable smile before she tilts her head. “Can I sit?”
“Of course, it’s your place after all,” I say.
Rose kicks off her shoes and slips her feet into the water with a relieved sigh. “Nonsense. This is your space as long as you stay here. And the price Kalos is paying for the rent of this room is outrageous.”
I shrug. “He has the money, and the baby’s safety is important to him.”
Rose only nods.
“How soon until you’re due?” I ask, wanting to change the subject.
“We aren’t sure. This baby is a miraculous one. A baby kraken has never been recorded.” She looks down at her stomach, her smile warm. “No one knows how much longer it will be. We’re going on eleven months now, and I don’t mind admitting that I’m looking forward to when I don’t crave sardines.”
“Eleven months!” I exclaim. “That’s longer than a human!”
Rose nods. “Gideon, my mate, has otherworldly patience and even he is starting to reach the end of it. Hopefully we get to meet this bundle of joy soon.”
I mentally count. “I’ve only been pregnant for about three months.”
Rose’s eyes widen. “Well, your child is in a much bigger rush than mine.”
“Yeah, I guess she’s ready to get the party started.”
We quiet on that thought. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but a moment of connection. Rose isn’t Stella, but there’s something about her that helps ease the tension in my soul. Not all the tension though.
The smile slips from my face.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Rose asks after a few long beats of oneness.
“Are you sensitive to stuff like this?” I wave my hand, and Rose’s lips twitch.
“Do you mean the misery coming off you in waves? I think a troll could pick up the emotions you’re putting down and they can be rather slow about that type of thing.”
Misery. That’s one of the myriad of feelings swimming around me. It doesn’t matter how much frustration I try and level on top of it, the anguish bleeds through.
Being in the bathhouse doesn’t help things one bit. I’ve attempted to lock away the memories we made when he brought me here, but things escape through the cracks. The sensations of my body run in line to my emotions. I ache.
I want Kalos to rub the tightness in my muscles away and chuckle at our daughter’s appetite for heat. I want him to kiss my neck and craft an image of our possible future with only a few words.
But I don’t get to have that anymore. He left.
I don’t know what went through his head in the cavern—why exactly he decided that he was done with us—but it didn’t leave much room for hope. Maggie may have been certain that Kalos will return… but that doesn’t mean that our relationship will continue once he does.
I miss him.
I stare up at the beautiful ceiling.
“I don’t think talking about it would help,” I say.
Rose only nods. It’s the understanding in the motion that does it. The illusion that this matchmaker can solve any issue if only I speak.