I grit my teeth and focus on the work. She keeps her silence until I move the last bit around her ankles.
I pull her to stand, analyzing her movements. “Are you injured?”
She shakes her head. “Kalos—”
“I told you not to come down here,” I say. The waves of terror that crash against my heart threaten to spill over. Something worse could have happened. I could be pulling her cold body from the rocks instead of watching her step away with a wince.
“I needed to case out the caverns to be able to use the portal charm,” she says, gesturing to her necklace. Her tone is perfectly logical.
“You could have stayed on the stairs,” I snap. It’s useless. Katarina has an adventurous spirit. Telling her to stay on the stairs is like telling her not to be herself, and that fact is what’s chipping away at my control.
I can taste the fire in my mouth. I need to get away from her. I need to finally let the dragon overcome my flesh so he isn’t scrabbling at my walls.
I pull her toward the stairs, wanting to pick her up and carry her, but knowing that would be too much for my current state. The skin touching hers already burns with demand. My jaw is tight. I push the anger, worries, and fierce presence of the creature trapped inside me down.
The effort is enormous.
We could have lost her.
Katarina’s gaze is full of worry. She should be worried. Everyone should worry that I’ll lose control. It shouldn’t have taken her painting images of dragon fire to forewarn how close I am to the edge.
“I should have stayed on the stairs,” she placates. “I just felt like I needed to come down here in case the worst happens.”
And the worst almost happened.
The phone she has gripped in her dusty hand lights up with a call. Both of our gazes drop to the name “Nemo.”
The walls that keep the darker of my emotions contained crack.
“Why is your mentor calling you?” It sounds like an accusation rather than a question.
Her eyes are wide in surprise. “You know who he is?”
I snarl. “I have a thick file detailing how the two of you worked together. Why is he calling?”
Katarina shakes her head, trying to come to grips with the fact that I’ve known who she associated with even as she’d tried to shield him from me.
“He probably wants me to do a job.” Her brow furrows, and she declines the call.
“You’re not doing it.”
I can taste her exasperation on the air.
“I wasn’t planning on it. If you didn’t notice, I’m the size of a house.” Her gesturing to her swollen belly rattles the lizard under my skin. We could have lost our mate, our young.
I narrow my eyes. “And you’d consider it if you weren’t?”
She blinks in surprise and hesitates. “N-no!”
The hesitation causes a chill to invade the churn of panic in my chest, not dousing the sensation but sparking an awareness that floods me with fear.
What about the next time Nemo gives her a sob story? What if she gives in because she needs a thrill after our daughter is born? He wouldn’t disclose the risks.
He’d put her in danger without a thought.
Just like he did when he sent her here.
“If I asked you to promise never to take a job from him again, would you? Even if he told you he’d die?” I try to keep my words neutral, but they come out with a deadly calm.
Katarina’s mouth opens and closes as she struggles with her answer. I shouldn’t be so incredulous. I shouldn’t have asked such a question while in my current state.
But my logic is burning a fiery death, and in its place is only instinct. The need to protect her.
To protect myself.
“He doesn’t care about you!” I snarl.
Katarina flinches, but the flash of regret in my soul that I’ve hurt her doesn’t make a dent in the rage burrowing in my skin.
“I-I know,” she says.
“Do you? You risked your life for him countless times. He pulled you into acts you’ve castigated yourself for years and he hasn’t lost a second of sleep.”
Her lip trembles, and I try to temper my words better.
“You are mine. Do not be flippant about your safety,” I say, the tension in my chest not subsiding.
“I’m not being flippant—”
“Then why are you here?” I roar. “I told you not to come down here without me.”
I’m ashamed at the sound as soon as I release it, but Katarina doesn’t cower. Her eyes glint, her own fire being stoked in the midst of my barrage. I may be a proud beast, but she is a queen.
“I needed to come down here,” she snaps. “You don’t control me!”
Too close.
The cracks in my soul shatter.
The words are too close to what Ava said before she left. The echo heralds the surety in my heart. I’m going to lose her.
I’m going to lose Katarina.
It may not have been from this stunt, but every day is a new danger.
How can I keep sane when the mate of my heart refuses to stay safe? It’s not a matter of if but when.
This is the searing pain of Ava falling, this is holding Luke to my chest as my son grows cold all over again.
I cannot survive the loss again. We cannot.
My dragon writhes in both agreement and argument, conflicting emotions fight for dominance. The urge to shift slowly takes over my limbs even as my heart bleeds.
I barely hear my own words as I utter them.
“I can’t do this.”
35
KATARINA
“I CAN’T DO THIS.”
His words cause the mix of annoyance and shame burning in my chest to collapse.
“Do what?” I ask even as the blood drains from my face. Kalos’s eyes burn as he shakes his head. His focus flicks back and forth like he’s at war with himself. This is more than a quibble about going down to the caverns or my old mentor trying to get me to work for him again.
“This.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, enunciate each word. This could mean anything, but the stupid flame of hope in my chest for our relationship is on the verge of burning out. In its place is a gutting rage. “We are already doing this.”
We’re having a baby together whether or not it’s something he thinks he can handle.
“I can’t.” Kalos turns and lurches away from me. The sound of bones cracking and fabric tearing is second to the stabbing panic in my chest.
My mind grasps for reason. Something, anything, to slow this train down before we crash.
“But your dragon mated me,” I say.
He doesn’t mean to rip away all the comforts I’ve secured around myself about our relationship. He’s just upset. This place and his dragon are making him say things he doesn’t mean.
He asked me to stay.
Kalos whips back around, and the sight is horrifying. His body is shifting into something unrecognizable. Scales are taking the place of skin, and horns grow in size with his form. When he speaks, it’s a surprise I can understand him.
“My dragon is a beast with the self-preservation of a gnat. Mating you was merely a faulty instinct,” he snarls as his jaws elongate.
I stumble back at the vehemence of his words. This is Mean Kalos in a way I’ve never seen him. Either he’s speaking things to cause me to push him away…