La Vida Vampire

The newlyweds and Stony hung to the left side of the group. In fact, Stony seemed to be shadowing the couple during the tour. I didn’t lower my reinforced shields to read the dynamics there. Nope, no idle snooping for me. I curbed my curiosity and conducted myself professionally.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this concludes our tour, except that I wanted to answer the lady’s earlier question about where I lived.”

I pointed at the newest bayfront hotel, pleased that seeing the site where my family had lived no longer gut-punched me.

“My home was about in the middle of this stretch of property. This hotel is new, but it replaced a motor inn where Martin Luther King, Jr., once jumped or was thrown into the motel pool.

“Thank you for joining us on the Old Coast Ghost Walk this evening. If you ’d like to leave from here, you may, but I’ll escort those who wish it back to our meeting place. Also, if you want to turn in an evaluation form, you can get a discount on a future tour.”

The parents and children headed north toward the new tourist center parking garage. Wiseguy’s group started south. That left the goth gang and Gomer, the Jag Queens, the newlyweds…and Stony, who stalked toward me.

“Hold it,” Stony’s gravel voice rumbled. “I want to know what happened to your family home. Why didn’t it survive like these others did?”

I gave him my polite demeanor, just as I had before. “Many homes here were destroyed by fire over the years and have since been rebuilt. My home burned in 1802.”

He took another step. “And you became a vampire in…?”

I gave him very polite. “Eighteen hundred.”

One more step put him and his bad breath nearly in my face. “Did your family die in the fire?”

The Jag Queens gasped en masse, and Mick moved away from Janie to help me, but I held up a hand to show I’d handle the problem myself.

I gave Stony a polite smile so tight my teeth ached. “My parents were out visiting at the time of the fire and weren ’t harmed.”

“Bull. I bet you slaughtered them. That’s the truth, isn’t it? You tore out their throats like the undead monster you are and set fire to them, didn’t you? Didn’t you, brusha!”

He grabbed my shoulders and shook me so hard I dropped the battery-operated lantern. That’s when I ran out of polite.





TWO


I may not use my vampire strength or speed, but in that moment I could’ve cheerfully snatched Stony’s head clean off and handed it to him before he fell.

My good manners, good sense—and his breath—stopped me.

Mick moved behind Stony, but I waved off his help again and glared into the man’s pale blue eyes.

“You’re invading my personal space here, and you need a mint, jalape?o breath.”

He smirked. “It’s garlic, bloodsucker.”

“It’s both,” I shot back, “with the underlying scent of cheap cigar. And for the record, I’m a blood sipper not a sucker. Starbloods caramel macchiato, if you want to apologize for this outrage with a case or two. Plus,” I added, ducking easily out of his grasp when he didn’t have the courtesy to let go, “I don’t consider myself undead, just underalive. I mean, zombies, now those things are undead. And they stink almost as much as you do.”

“We’re locked and loaded and have him covered, dear,” Shalimar Lady said. “Shall we phone the police, too?”

I leaned sideways around Stony and blinked. Six of the Jag Queens pointed guns at the man, though Shalimar’s seemed to veer toward the bride, who stood just to the right behind me. Three other ladies held cell phones at the ready. What, did they each have different calling plans? The goth gang wore bug -eyed expressions, and Gomer and Mick stood tensed for action, but the ladies looked calm. Maybe because they’d raised children. Takes a lot to freak out mothers.

“No need for the police, ma’am.” I smiled and straightened my shawl. “I’m sure Stony, um, this…gentleman…is leaving now.”

“My name is not Stony,” he ground out, his face turning apoplectic purple.

My genteel upbringing aside, I wouldn’t have been crushed had he stroked out on the sidewalk then and there. He’d dug his fingers into my right arm where the GPS chip was implanted, and that puppy hurt. Alas, he didn ’t drop dead, and I didn’t give him the satisfaction of rubbing my sore arm.

“Another time, vampire. You’ll be alone, and you will die. One way or another, we’ll make sure you all die.”

He shouldered past me and stomped off, nearly barreling into the newlyweds, who watched him with raised brows. As the ladies stowed their weapons and cell phones, Shalimar said, “What did he call you? Brusha? What is that?”

“It’s a Minorcan word.” I nonchalantly smoothed my skirt and hoped no one saw my hand shaking. “He either called me a witch or insulted my hair.”

Which would make the second time today my hair took a hit.

I bent to pick up my lantern. Gomer lurched in at the same time, and we bumped heads.

“Oh, sorry, Miss Cesca,” he said. “Let me get that so’s you don’t get cut.”

“Thank you, but it’s plastic.” Dang, his head was hard, but his heart was in the right place.