La Vida Vampire

“No odder than you surfing with her. Besides, you only have yourself to blame for getting her hooked. Renting those Gidget movies was your idea of a joke, not mine.”


“Well, she got me back in spades when she held that seven -foot board over her head and ran to the ocean yelling,

‘Cowabunga.’” He heaved an exasperated breath. “Cowabunga, for pity’s sake.”

Maggie snorted and covered it with a cough. Me, I chuckled out loud. Hey, from a half block away, he couldn’t hear me. Neil crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not funny, Mags. Do you have any idea how weird it is to be on the beach at five in the screamin’ afternoon with a vampire? She should be toast in the sun. Instead, she’s got that long hair in a bushy ponytail, and she’s wearing a gouge-your-eyes pink bathing suit.”

“It’s coral, not pink, and look on the bright side. Her olive complexion makes her look tanned instead of dead white.”

Neil turned enough for me to see him glower. Guess he’s not impressed with my perpetual tan. A few shop doors away from them, I paused.

“Okay, honey, I won’t ask you to take Cesca surfing again. Her truck should be out of the shop tomorrow anyway. ”

Maggie spotted me, then gazed back at Neil. She sighed dramatically. “It’s too bad, though.”

“What’s too bad?” he asked, his back to me again.

“It’s just that Cesca was so excited when she got back from the beach. She said she learned more from you in two hours than she did in two months of surf school.”

“She did?”

“Mmm-hmm.” Maggie stepped closer to him. The aroma of pheromones spiked.

“She is a quick study.” His voice went just a little hoarse. “And a natural shark repellent.”

“Uh-huh. Plus she’s got a job now. A night job. She’ll be busy for at least two hours, and we could be, too.” Maggie let her fingers do the walking up Neil’s shirtfront. “Moondoggie.”

He gulped so hard, it practically echoed in my ears.

“Cowabunga,” he choked out.

Maggie smiled. “Exactly.”

She kissed Neil, long and slow. Then she winked at me over his shoulder.

I rolled my eyes hard enough to give myself a headache, but believe me, I was taking notes as I watched them walk toward the bay front, arm in arm. Not that men were falling at my feet or ever had —which made me doubt the whole vampires-are-sexmagnets thing. But, hey, if I ever find a guy who doesn ’t break Olympic speed records running away, I’ll be ready to wind him around my little finger.

Granted, that bushy ponytail crack did sting. I mean, I can’t control what genetics and humidity do to my hair, unless—

I patted my French twist plastered with hair spray and put chemical straighteners on my next Wal-Mart shopping list. All in all, Neil wasn’t so bad. He had stopped calling me Cesspool, and deep down, hidden in the depths of his soul, I bet he’d even miss me if I were gone. Besides, the guy could surf, and with Maggie busy seducing him, she wouldn’t be trailing after my tour.

Don’t get me wrong. It was sweet of Maggie to see me off on my first job. She’d discovered me seven months ago under the once-grand Victorian house she bought to restore. I appreciated her mentorship and unwavering support in getting me up to speed with the twenty-first century. Sure, I’d been able to astral travel, to “see” and “hear” from the coffin in that long-forgotten basement. But walking in the world after two hundred years plus of entombment was a whole new trip. Maggie taught me to power shop and hired a tutor for academics. We rented almost every movie Blockbuster stocked instore, and I’d joined the online service as soon as I qualified for my own credit card. We also checked out scads of library books to round out my crash course in modern culture. In short, Maggie was my fairy godmother, and without her, I’d be dead. Or rather, still buried.

But I climbed out of that coffin last August thirteenth (a lucky day for me!) ready and raring to embrace every modern marvel. Now I’m living la vida vampire—my version on my terms. Except for the rules of the Vampire Protection Agency, of course. My VPA handler in Jacksonville, Dave Corey, is a pretty cool guy though, and I only have to report to him every quarter. Maggie didn’t need to hover anymore, especially when Neil was so grumpy about sharing her. I’d get Neil for the bushy hair crack sooner or later. Meanwhile, it was almost time to take my next step toward a normal, independent afterlife. Work. I was on in five minutes.