She sighed. “A little bit of a headache, but it’s only because I’ve been crying.”
He wasn’t sure why it was so hard to look at her. Wasn’t sure if it was her beauty or the grief he saw in the depths of her gaze. But as he knelt in front of her to get a look at the cut on her temple, he found himself barely able to meet her eyes.
“I’m going to check your pupils.” Without giving her time to respond he put his hand gently against her crown, then flashed the light first in her left eye, then in her right. “As far as I can tell, you don’t appear to have a concussion.”
“I could have told you that.”
“Well, after we find Eddie tomorrow, I’m going to personally haul you into Lake County Hospital and make sure you get a CT run.”
Her gaze met his, the play of emotions in her eyes touching him despite his staunch resistance. “Thank you for saying that. I mean, about finding him.”
Realizing it was probably best not to talk to her when he was this close, Buzz disinfected his hands then applied a thin layer of antibiotic cream to the cut. He tried not to notice the sweet scent of her hair that rose up with her body heat into the cold night. He damn well ignored the fact that his heart rate was up, and that it didn’t have anything to do with high altitude or physical exertion—or even a lost little boy.
He unwrapped the bandage and pressed it to the cut, sealing the adhesive as he did so. Throughout the process, Kelly didn’t so much as flinch, just watched him with sad, devastated eyes.
When he finished, Buzz rose quickly, paced over to the stove and adjusted a flame that didn’t need adjusting. He wasn’t sure exactly what was going on in his head, but he didn’t like it. He wanted to believe it was the shock of learning he had a son that had him twisted up inside. But Buzz was honest enough with himself to realize that keeping close quarters with his very attractive ex-wife was making an already complex situation infinitely worse.
“Kel, why don’t you lie down on the tarp and try to get some sleep?” he said.
When she didn’t answer, Buzz walked over to her, and put his hand on her shoulder. “Kel?”
“I’m not going to be able to sleep,” she said.
“You’ve got to try.”
After a long moment, she raised her gaze to his. “I’m too scared to sleep,” she whispered. “How can I sleep knowing Eddie is out there in the wilderness all alone?”
“You can do it because you know you’re going to need your strength and a cool head to get through this. You can do it because you raised a smart kid. And because you know I’m damn good at what I do.”
A wan smile touched her mouth.
“I’m not going to let either of you down.” Slipping his hand under her arm, he helped her rise. Kelly didn’t fight him. Gently, he guided her to the tarp, then slipped her sleeping bag off her shoulders and spread it on the tarp. “If you can’t sleep, just lie down and rest. It’ll be light in a few hours.”
He wasn’t sure if her legs buckled or if she went down on her own power, but he was surprised nonetheless when she acquiesced. Once she was inside the sleeping bag, Buzz pulled the edge more squarely over her and walked over to the stove and doused the flame. At his own sleeping bag, he lay down.
Around him, the night sang a peaceful symphony. The familiarity of it should have calmed him, but it didn’t. Buzz was as revved up as a jet engine, his mind replaying everything that had been said and done in the last hours.
Across from him, Kelly lay silent and still. The moon cast pale moonlight over her silhouette. Even in the dim light he could make out the curve of her hip, the dark shadow of her hair. The wind shifted, stirring the leaves of the tree above them, and he thought he could smell the sweet scent of citrus and woman that he remembered so well. The familiarity of it took him back to the last time they’d been together. The little house where they’d lived as husband and wife.
That last night, they hadn’t even made it to the bedroom, shedding clothes and inhibitions and resolve…. They’d ended up in the hall, disheveled and crazed with lust. She was the only woman who could do that to him. The only woman who could make him lose control as if he were some kind of randy teenager dealing with his first case of hormones. They’d ended up making love on the stairs, in the landing, on the desk just inside the study….
Buzz’s body stirred, a deep, purring heat that disturbed him deeply. Shifting restlessly beneath the blanket, he turned onto his side away from her and closed his eyes. He knew better than to think of her in sexual terms. The woman had stolen four precious years of his child’s life from him. Buzz didn’t want to forgive her. He didn’t want to care for her. He sure as hell didn’t want to want her.