Her hands land on my shoulders. “I am the last person in the world who has her shit together, but it’s not insurmountable. You can make this work if you want to. I just hate to see you both miserable and hurting. He loves you. You love him. That should be enough.”
“It should be, but it often isn’t.” Of course, my mind instantly wanders to Reeve. I thought our love was enough to weather any storm, to climb any mountain, but it wasn’t.
“Don’t bite my head off for saying this, but is your past with Reeve clouding your judgment when it comes to Dil?”
“Undoubtedly,” I agree without hesitation. “But I can’t help how I feel. I took a risk once before, and it burned me in a bad way. Even if it was possible to travel with Dillon, there will still be the groupies and the media, and I don’t think I can do that again.”
“They’ll be there when you return to L.A.”
“They don’t care about me anymore. I’m no longer newsworthy.”
“You will be if you get back with Reeve.” Her eyes narrow a little.
“I have no plans to do that.” Truthfully, I don’t know what will happen with Reeve and me when I return home, and I don’t have the brain capacity to contemplate it now.
“All I’ve heard about Reeve, from you and Audrey, tells me he’s not going to give up on you. You have history and a bucketload of shared memories. What chance does Dillon stand against that?”
“Ash, stop.” I rub a tense spot between my brows. “Don’t do this. I don’t want to fight with you before I leave. This has never been a competition between them. I love them both. You know that. I really do love your brother.” My heart cracks, and a sob bursts from my lips. “I love him so much, and that’s why I’m stepping into the lion’s den tonight. I’m going to tell him what I should have told him last night.”
“I’m sorry.” She hugs me again. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I will always ship Dillien.”
A laugh rips from my throat before I can stop it. “I can’t believe you gave us a ship name.”
“You deserve one, because the love you two share is epic. I’m a hopeless romantic now, in case you missed that memo.” She loops her arm through mine, tugging me into the kitchen. “Let’s do drinkies before we leave for Bruxelles.”
“I feel sick,” I admit, stopping outside the door to the pub a few hours later. My bags are all packed at the apartment, and I just need to be back there around midnight to get changed before Micheál picks me up.
“I’m here for you.” Ash threads her arm through mine. “Just remember he loves you and he’s hurting.”
Fighting nerves, I push through the door and enter the pub.
“Don’t forget the asshole gene is part of his DNA too,” she shouts in my ear as we’re immediately accosted with laughter and loud conversation.
Rock music blares out of the speakers, and the place is thronged. Then again, summer in Dublin City is usually like this. Bars and restaurants are teeming most every night. This is only the third time Toxic Gods has played here, but it’s one of my favorite Dublin pubs.
“Fuck, shit, piss.” Ash clings to my arm, and my eyes swivel in the same direction as hers.
My heart gives out the second I locate Dillon, spread-eagled on a chair at a table in the back, with Aoife perched on his lap. All the blood drains from my face, and my instinct is to run back out the door, but I won’t give him or her the satisfaction. I am strong and brave, and I will hold my head up high as I do what I came to do.
Acid churns in my gut, and an anxious fluttering sensation creeps along my chest as I grip Ash’s arm tighter and walk toward the band’s table on wobbly legs. Pain stabs me in the heart, like a thousand fine pinpricks, as Aoife wraps her arms around Dillon’s neck, bending down to dot kisses along his jaw and his neck. He isn’t touching her. He isn’t paying her any attention, sprawled in the chair, gripping the armrest in one hand and bottle of beer in another, shooting me that annoyingly smug grin as I step toward him.
“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in?” He lifts his beer to his lips.
Aoife fixes me with a gloating look, and I’d love nothing more than to yank her from his lap and slam her pretty face into the table.
Higher moral ground. The angel on one shoulder helps me to remain calm and remember what I came for. “Could I speak to you in private?”
He glares at me with naked hostility, and I’m reminded of our initial meeting. “Nah.” His nose scrunches up. “I said all I needed to say last night.”
“Well, I didn’t.” I wet my dry lips.
“Don’t you have a plane to catch, Hollywood?”
“Dillon, please.”
Aoife giggles, running her hand back and forth across his chest, and I want to break every one of her fingers.
“I don’t know why you’re laughing, bitch,” Ash says. “You know he’s only using you to piss Viv off. He doesn’t give a shit about you. He loves Vivien, not you.”
“Shut the fuck up, Ash,” Dillon hisses, pointing his bottle at her.
“Don’t talk to her like that,” Jamie barks, standing and moving to Ash’s side.
I let go of her, letting her boyfriend slide a protective arm around her.
“You are seriously out of line, Dil,” Ro says, pinning his brother with a cutting look. “You need to apologize to Ash and Viv.”
“Still trying to get in her knickers, eh, little bro?” Dillon glances at his phone. “She’s got a few hours. Be my guest.” He waves his hands in my direction. “Knock yourself out.”
He hits the bull’s-eye, smashing my heart into smithereens with his cruel, dismissive words. I need to do what I came here to do and leave. Ignoring Dillon and the tramp, I turn to the others. “I just wanted to say goodbye in person, and I hope everything works out with the band. It’s been great meeting you all. Ireland more than exceeded my expectations, and a lot of that was down to you guys.”
Dillon snorts, and Aoife giggles, but I ignore them. One by one, the guys get up and hug me. Ro’s girlfriend gives me a little wave, but she’s never been a big fan of me anyway. She probably can’t wait to see the back of me. Catriona surprises me, apologizing for not being a better friend and wishing me well back home.
“I know this isn’t the last I’ve seen of you,” I tell Jamie as he hugs me. “Whether you’re in L.A. with the band or visiting me with Ash, I expect I’ll see your annoying face again.”
“You betcha, Hollywood.”
His use of Dillon’s pet name sends a fresh wave of pain hurtling through my chest, but I put a brave face on it. “He’s hurting bad,” he whispers in my ear. “She’s nothing but a tool to piss you off. Don’t buy into it. He loves you big-time, Viv.”
I squeeze his arm, grateful for his words. Maybe there is hope for Jamie Fleming after all. I sure hope so, for my friend’s sake.
Turning around, I face Dillon again. I wanted to say this in private, but I’m not ashamed to say it in public either. When I walk out of this door, I need to know I am leaving with my head held high.
Aoife gloats like the cat that got the cream, eyeing me with smug haughtiness as she dusts kisses all over his face. I ignore her the best I can, staring Dillon straight in the eye. “I should have said this last night, but I froze. Actually, I should’ve said it when I first realized it.” My heart jackhammers behind my rib cage, and butterflies swoop into my chest. “I love you, Dillon. I love you more than words could ever express. For as long as I live, I will never forget you.”
60
My lower lip wobbles, and tears threaten as I stare at his impassive face. I wasn’t expecting a reply, not really, but I was expecting to see some kind of emotion on this face. This blank, emotionless reaction hurts more than anything. Spinning around, I give a little wave to the guys, pretending I don’t notice their pitiful expressions. Ro and Ash look like they’re ready to rip Dillon limb from limb. “Take care, everyone.” Somehow, I force my legs to move, putting one foot in front of the other.
“Thanks for the sex, Hollywood! It was fun while it lasted. Say hi to Reeve for me,” Dillon shouts after me, hammering the final nail in the coffin.