He waves a condom packet in my face.
“Where did you get this?” I try to snatch it from his fingers, but he moves too fast, raising his arm out of my reach.
“Your brother’s room.” His voice and his face are smug.
“You stole it from Jake?” And why the hell does my brother have condoms?
Oh God.
I don’t want to know.
“Yeah. I snuck into his room earlier, when you were all still downstairs in the kitchen.” Ash nods with satisfaction. “They were in his bedside table. He has a giant box of them.”
I need bleach to scrub my ears with after hearing this.
“So I figured he wouldn’t care if I snagged a couple,” Ash finishes.
The idea doesn’t settle well, that he went into my brother’s room uninvited and stole the condoms from his bedside table. What a violation of privacy. What if he snuck in there again and stole other things? Things of actual value? “You probably shouldn’t have done that,” I tell him.
“What do you mean? Not like he cares. Besides, your family is loaded. He can go buy another economy-sized box of condoms like it’s no big deal. He doesn’t have to worry about money. Nothing but the best for the Callahans, right?” The mocking tone in Ash’s voice rings clear.
And it pisses me off.
I pull away from him and sit up. “You’re being really rude right now.”
“And you’re being really sensitive right now,” Ash throws right back at me.
“You shouldn’t have stolen those condoms from my brother. This is the same exact thing that got you in trouble before, with your mom and her boyfriend,” I remind him. “You stole a pack of cigarettes from Don, and he beat you up for it.”
“He just used the stolen smokes as an excuse,” Ash starts, but I interrupt him.
“You did steal them, though, right?”
He looks away from me. “Yeah.” His voice is scratchy.
“Okay, well, you just stole from my brother now too. Yeah, you took condoms, big deal. But you can’t keep doing that, Ash.”
“You really think your brother is going to rat me out that I stole his rubbers? Give me a break,” he mutters.
“No, but it doesn’t look good to me.” I rest my hand on my chest. “Me, Ash. You’re stealing, and it’s not cool. You keep stealing. And you’re going to end up getting in real trouble if you don’t stop.”
He sits up as well, running a hand through his hair as he contemplates me. His lips are parted, his eyes narrowed, and he looks thoroughly irritated.
Fine. I’m thoroughly irritated too.
“You’d rather sit here and argue with me about stealing some stupid condoms than use one of them.” I think he’s asking me a question, but it sounds more like a statement.
And no, I’m definitely not using that condom with him tonight. The mood has been ruined.
“It’s the point that you stole, Ash. You think after what happened to you, you wouldn’t do that,” I say softly.
“What the hell do you know about what happened to me?” Ash glares at me, then stretches his arm out, pointing at the door. “You should go.”
My mouth drops open. “What?”
“If I’m such a disappointment to you, then you better leave, Callahan. You’re only proving my point.”
I scramble out of the bed, angry. Sad. A swirl of emotions moves through me, settling heavy on my chest. “What point are you talking about?”
“That I’m not good enough for you.” He waves his hand at the door. “Leave. Hurry, before I touch you with my dirty, stealing hands.”
I run to the door and fumble with the lock, the tears streaming down my cheeks before I even realize I’m crying. I’m finally able to open the door and I run out of his room, fully expecting to hear him laughing as I go, but I hear nothing.
Just silence.
I’m hustling through the kitchen when the light comes on, momentarily blinding me. I blink against the brightness, rubbing at my still tear filled eyes and dread socks me right in the gut when I hear my mother’s voice.
“Autumn! Are you okay?”
Thank God it wasn’t Dad.
Sniffing, I turn my back to her. “I’m fine. Just grabbing something to drink real quick.”
“Really? Where is it?”
I stand up straighter, praying she doesn’t want to look at me. I don’t want her to see my face, or the tears running down my cheeks. “What do you mean?”
“Your drink?”
“Oh. I just drank water out of the tap. With a cup.” I hunch my shoulders, hoping she doesn’t look in the sink for that nonexistent cup I’m talking about.
“Autumn.” Mom approaches, and then her hand settles heavily on my shoulder. “You weren’t trying to sneak out, were you?”
“N-no.” I shake my head, my back still to her, the tears coming anew.
“Where’s Kaya?”
“Sleeping.”
“Where’s Ash?”
I hang my head. “I don’t know. Probably in his room.”
“You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”
It’s killing me that she’s asking that. I don’t want to lie to her, but nothing happened. I may be angry at Ash, but I’m not going to get him kicked out of this house. Even if I have to avoid him until we graduate high school, I’ll do what’s best for him.
I’m either that kind, or that stupid.
“I’m not lying, Mom. Do you mind if I go back to bed now?” I quickly glance back at her, guilt swamping me when I see the concerned look on her face. I look away, fighting fresh tears yet again.
She gives my shoulder a squeeze. “Good night. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I suck my tears up and head back to my room, where I slip quietly into my bed. Kaya is sleeping on the other side of the mattress, and when I pull the comforter over me, she doesn’t even move. She’s dead to the world.
I wish I could be so lucky. I’d rather sleep and forget my earlier argument with Ash ever happened. Maybe it was all a dream—or a nightmare—and I’ll wake up in the morning realizing that I never snuck out to meet Ash. We didn’t get mad at each other. And Mom didn’t catch me crying in the kitchen.
But I know the truth. It happened, and we’re going to have to face each other tomorrow, whether we like it or not.
You’re Playing with Matches
And I Have a Paper Heart
(The Mayfair)
Thirty-One
Ash
I toss and turn all night, unable to think of anything else but me telling Autumn to leave my room and the look of total devastation on her pretty face before she ran out.
I am an undisputed asshole. I always have been, and I always will be. What happened last night just confirmed it. Didn’t help that Mom kept texting me throughout the day, along with Rylie, irritating me more and more with each notification. Neither of them would leave me alone, and I took my frustration out on Autumn.
Meaning yep, I’m definitely an asshole.
Giving up on sleep completely at around five in the morning, I grab my phone and check my notifications. I’ve got all kinds of Snaps from various people wondering if I’m dead or alive—valid question. I’m in a group chat via direct messages on Instagram with most of the players from the varsity football team and they’re all talking about how great Jake played, and whether I’m going to bother showing up to practice or not come Monday after school.
Well, well, well. Aren’t they in for a fucking surprise?
Mom texted me, a bunch of whiny please come back type messages, but I ignore every single one of them. She doesn’t mean it.
She never does.
Rylie texted me yet again too. Angry shit that only seems to get worse when I ignore her. I don’t know how to handle her, and I feel like I’ve handled some crazy girls in my lifetime. But this one? She’s fucking unhinged.
Deciding I’m safe to send a text since it’s five in the damn morning, I type out a response and send it.
Rylie. Get it through your head. We’re through. I don’t want to be with you. Stop texting me all day and night. I’m over it. I’m over YOU. Keep this shit up and I’m fucking blocking you.
I hope she leaves me alone. If not, I will block her everywhere.