Maybe I should.
I go in search of Ash once I’m done talking to Mom and find him hanging out in his room, sprawled across the unmade bed. I lean against the doorway and watch him as he messes around on his phone, sending one text message after the other in rapid fire succession.
“Who are you talking to?” I ask, startling him so bad, his phone drops out of his hands.
“Shit, Autumn!” I swear he only says my actual name when he’s upset with me. “Why you gotta sneak up on me like that?”
“I’m sorry.” I push away from the doorframe and enter the bedroom, lifting my leg to nudge his bare foot hanging over the mattress with my own. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“My mom.” He grabs his phone and sets it face down on the bed on the other side of him, closest to the wall. Like he doesn’t want me to see it. “She really wants me to come back.”
“Tell her no.”
“It’s not that easy.” He crawls off the bed and comes to me, slipping his arms around my waist. “Couldn’t wait any longer, huh? It’s a long ways to midnight.”
“I wanted to talk to you about that.” I pull out of his grip and wander around his room, having a difficult time facing him when I’m about to deliver this news. “Kaya’s coming over right now.”
“Yeah?”
“She’s going to spend the night.” I glance over my shoulder to see Ash’s thunderous expression. “She’s having problems with Jaden and needs my support.”
“Okay. Cool.” He nods once, and I can tell by the tightness in his jaw that he’s mad. “Hope you girls have fun.”
I go to him, my heart racing. “Are you angry?”
“I thought we had plans.”
“I’m sorry.” And I really am. I was so looking forward to those plans. “Kaya was crying when she FaceTimed me, and she never cries. I couldn’t say no. She’ll be here in a few.” I grab hold of his hands and intertwine our fingers. “We can get together tomorrow night.”
“Sure.” He won’t look at me, and a muscle flexes in his jaw. “Tomorrow night. Let’s do it.”
“Ash. Come on.” I squeeze his hands. “Don’t be like this.”
“I was really hoping for some alone time with you tonight,” he says, his voice dropping to a gravelly whisper. “I need you.”
My heart pangs. He’s been through a lot. I know this. “Maybe after Kaya falls asleep I’ll come see you,” I suggest.
“You will?” he asks hopefully.
“I’ll try.”
“Okay. Try real hard.” He kisses me. Yanks me closer, and I go willingly. He feels so good. I can’t get enough of him, and clearly he can’t get enough of me either.
“I have to go. She’ll be here soon.”
“Go. Go see your friend.” He releases me so fast I practically stumble out of his arms. “See you later.”
His dismissive tone hurts. More than I want to admit. I slink out of his room, but he doesn’t even notice.
He’s too busy typing away on his phone.
“…I think we’re going to be okay. In fact, I know we’re going to be okay. I’m just overreacting as usual,” Kaya says, and I nod. Offer her a wan smile. She frowns in return, tilting her head to the side, studying me. “Are you okay?”
I just sat with Kaya on my bed for the last fifteen minutes and listened to her drone on and on about Jaden. I care about her, I really do, but her problems with Jaden seem almost…trivial. And I know it’s mean of me to think like that, but I can’t help it. He didn’t want to get together with her this weekend, that’s what the problem is. He told her he’d rather lie in bed and watch Netflix. Claimed he was tired after last night’s game, which I get, but Kaya wasn’t having it.
“I’m fine.” I offer up another one of those wan smiles and Kaya shakes her head, pointing her finger at me.
“You’re a liar. What’s going on?”
I warned her earlier that Ash was staying at my house and she claimed she already knew about it, so I was worried about nothing I guess. I thought Ash might even come out and greet Kaya when she arrived, but he remained in his room when I knew he could hear me and Kaya talking.
It’s like our conversation earlier meant nothing to him. All because I couldn’t meet up with him tonight? Is he jealous of my friendship with Kaya? If that’s the case, we’re never going to work because my friends are important to me. I refuse to ditch them all over a guy.
“There’s nothing going on.” Kaya and I are sitting on my bed, and she’s wrapped up in my comforter because she’s always cold. I have my favorite blanket draped over my lap, and I pluck the fuzzies off of it, keeping my head bent. “Okay, fine, there’s something going on, but you have to swear on your life you won’t breathe a word of it to anyone.”
“I swear,” Kaya says quickly.
I glance up at her, heave a big sigh, and decide to go into it. “Ash and I…we’re kind of together.”
Kaya purses her lips, looking ready to burst. “I knew it! After you told me what happened between you two in the past, I was waiting for this.”
“Shush, keep your voice down.” I know my room door is shut, but I swear, sometimes the walls are thin. Or there are spies lingering outside my door. Though Ava is at a friend’s house right now, so maybe that won’t be a problem. “I think he was mad that you were coming over. We were supposed to…meet later tonight.”
Kaya’s eyes go wide as her mouth drops open. “Oooh, what are you two up to already?”
“Nothing much.” I shrug, trying to be nonchalant, but my hot cheeks give me away as usual. “We’ve messed around a little.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“How was it?” Kaya’s expression is curious, and she’s shared details with me about her sex life with Jaden, so it’s only fair I share a few details with her.
“It was—good.” My entire face now feels like it’s on fire. “We haven’t had actual sex yet. We’ve just messed around, like I said.”
“Messing around can be a lot of fun.” Kaya’s smiling and I can’t help but smile too.
“It is fun. He—really knows what he’s doing.” I yank the blanket in my lap up over my face, making her laugh. “It’s not funny! I feel weird, talking about this stuff.”
“It’s weird when we start doing that stuff too, but it’s fun, right? I mean, it always makes me and Jaden feel closer after. Plus, it’s really meaningful when you’re doing it with someone you love,” Kaya says, and I peek over the edge of the blanket to see the dreamy look on her face, her earlier anger and sadness over Jaden completely forgotten.
I drop the blanket. “I wonder if I’m in love with Ash.”
“You haven’t been with him long enough,” Kaya points out.
“But we’ve been connected for years. Circling around each other, saying things, doing things, practically daring each other. I don’t know how to describe it, but there was a lot of push and pull between us. We kissed our sophomore year. We kissed our junior year. This was bound to happen,” I say, like it’s perfectly logical, even though really, I know it’s not. “It’s like we’re meant to be together.”
“Star-crossed lovers?” Kaya asks, teasing me. “Like Romeo and Juliet?”
“God, I hope not. They both die at the end.” We start laughing.
“I guess you two could be halfway in love with each other,” Kaya says once our laughter dies. “But you still need to get to know him, right? It’s not like you guys have talked a lot over the years.”
“No, we really haven’t. We were either too busy arguing or too busy kissing.” Sighing, I stare off into space, bunching the blanket up in my hands. “He went and met his mom for breakfast today. She sounds awful.”
“Is it true, what they say at school? That his stepdad beat him up?” Kaya asks softly.
“Don’s not his stepdad, he’s just his mom’s boyfriend, but yeah, it’s true. And it was all over a pack of cigarettes. I guess his mom was encouraging her boyfriend to hit Ash.” I shake my head, my stomach churning. “I can’t even imagine.”
“He’s had a rough life, I think,” Kaya says.