And get the girl.
But then I’m reminded of Rylie and what she told me, and my house of cards comes tumbling down, one after the other, until it doesn’t exist any longer. I need to figure that out first. If she’s really pregnant with my baby—I find that shit hard to believe. We had sex maybe twice? Wait, three times. And with a condom every time. Like I told Autumn, I have condoms at home, sitting in my bedside table, just like Jake. That’s what I used when I was with Rylie, plus she swore she was on the pill.
Looks like she lied. Or she’s lying right now.
Shoving all thoughts of Rylie out of my head, I unzip my backpack and pull out my giant black binder and a couple of textbooks, along with the packet of worksheets Autumn brought to me late last week with the assignments I’ve missed while I’ve been gone. I started working on a few things when she first handed it to me, but eventually gave up when I got bored.
I can’t give up. I need to remember that.
I need to live by those words.
Don’t give up. Don’t give up.
Don’t.
Give.
Up.
Thirty-Two
Autumn
Sunday was torture. Kaya had to get home so she left early, leaving me adrift. Ash stayed in his room for the entire day. The entire day. Who does that? When I caught Mom coming from his room, I couldn’t help myself. I asked her what was going on, and she said he was working on homework and shouldn’t be disturbed.
Ash was actually doing homework and he shouldn’t be disturbed? What a bunch of crap! I figured he was lying to her.
But no, he sent me a text at one point, asking me a question about one of the assignments. He was perfectly polite, he didn’t talk to me about anything else once I gave him the answer, and I didn’t mention anything else either. Though I was dying to. I wanted to say things like:
I miss you.
Why were you so mean to me last night?
I want to help you.
Let me help you.
I don’t want to fight anymore.
I want to be with you.
And on and on and on.
Are we just too toxic together? Are we complete opposites and it would never work? That’s what I’m starting to believe, though of course I don’t want it to be true. Yet what am I supposed to think? He runs hot, he runs cold. I can’t figure him out. Yet I also do the same thing to him.
I basically accused him of being a thief, but I had to. He needed to see that what he was doing to Jake, he also did to his mom’s boyfriend. Don had absolutely no right punching him in the face repeatedly, but Ash shouldn’t have taken something that didn’t belong to him. Like cigarettes.
And condoms.
Deciding I need to come clean for Ash’s sake, I exit my bedroom and jog down the hall, knocking on my brother’s door and entering his room when he says I could come in.
“What do you want?” He’s sitting in his game chair, playing Madden. Of course.
I study the giant TV on his wall for a few seconds before I turn to Jake. “Don’t you get enough of football already?”
“Are you just going to nag me or do you actually want something?” He never tears his gaze away from the TV, his fingers flying furiously over the controller clutched in his hands.
“I wanted to talk to you.” I stop in the middle of the room, looking around. It’s kind of dirty in here. Smelly too. I see the pile of laundry on the floor and wonder if that’s clean or dirty. God, boys—brothers—are really disgusting.
“What did you want to tell me?”
“Um, Ash snuck into your room yesterday.”
Jake throws the controller onto the floor with such violence I jump back, shocked. He rises to his feet, his hands clenched into fists. “What the hell did you just say?”
“Calm down, it’s no big deal.” I start to walk toward him, but the look on his face freezes me in my tracks.
“It’s a big fucking deal if he’s stealing my shit. Don’t try to protect his ass either, Autumn. I know you two are fucking on the low.”
My mouth drops open and it takes me a couple of tries before I’m able to form words. “We aren’t fucking on the low, as you so sweetly put it.”
“Messing around, whatever. I don’t care what you want to call it. But don’t protect that piece of shit if he’s a thief. Tell me what he took.”
“C-condoms,” I stutter nervously. Holy crap, I have never seen my brother act like this. Ever!
“Condoms?” Jake’s eyebrows shoot up, and the look on his face reminds me of Dad right now. Well, Dad if he was enraged and ready to pound his fist into a wall, which I’ve never seen our father do ever in my life.
“Yeah.” I just proved to Jake that we are most definitely fucking on the low, and now I feel like a complete idiot.
He starts laughing, shaking his head. “That’s it? He stole a couple of condoms so you two could bang? Big deal.”
I want to correct him, tell him that we didn’t actually bang, but he either a) won’t believe me or b) doesn’t really care.
I’m sure both options apply.
“I just wanted you to know, in case—” Oh, this is so awkward. “—in case you realized you were, uh, missing some, and wondered where they were.”
“I probably wouldn’t have noticed,” he says, his laughter dying. He goes to pick up the controller off the floor and settles back in his chair, his attention once more on the TV. Like his outburst was no big deal. “Tell your boyfriend to stay out of my room. He does it again and I’ll kick his ass.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I protest, but Jake sneers.
“May as well be. I see the way you two look at each other. You’re lucky Mom and Dad hasn’t noticed or they’d boot his ass out of the house.” Jake smiles, his gaze meeting mine once more. “Hey, that’s not a bad idea, me telling them what you two are up to. They’d kick him out and then Dad can focus on me instead.”
“Are you that jealous of Ash?”
“I don’t think he deserves Dad’s help. He’s a low-life druggie,” Jake spits out.
“Druggie?”
Jake sets the controller in his lap so he can focus fully on me. “Come on, Autumn. You can’t be that na?ve. You’re two years older than me, you’re in the same class as him. Don’t you hear the stories about Ash that circulate around the school?”
I slowly shake my head. I mean, I’ve heard a few stories, but nothing involving drugs beyond a wax vape pin or whatever. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He blows out a harsh breath. “That’s right. I forgot. You’re such a goodie-goodie now, you don’t know what the bad kids are up to.”
His comments get under my skin. He’s such an ass sometimes. “Tell me what they’re up to then.”
“Word has it that Ash used to sell prescription pills. Never on campus because he’s not a complete idiot, but supposedly he has a client list, and they all come from the high school.” Jake sends me an evil smile. “What do you think about your boyfriend now?”
I’m tempted to remind Jake he’s not my boyfriend, but I don’t bother. Besides, I’m too overwhelmed by Jake’s confession. Is it true? Is Ash a…
Drug dealer?
“Part of the reason Ash got beat up is because Don stole from Ash’s pill stash, and Ash called him out for it. You see, Ash gets them from his mom. She has a major Oxy addiction, and so she has this huge prescription that gets her so many damn pills every month, she’d probably die if she took them all. But she’s not taking them all, she’s giving half of them to Ash so he can sell them to his friends and whoever else, and they split the profits.”
I’m in absolute shock. I had no freaking idea.