“For the baby, yeah.”
“Jasper!” Holly said and laughed, squeezing my hand.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Holly
“So this is husband number…?” Jasper asked, trailing off.
“Five.”
“Wow, I’ve given up after wife number one. How does she still believe in marriage?”
I looked down, playing with my fingers under my small baby bump. He never wanted to be married again. Half the time it didn’t even seem like he’d ever want a relationship again.
“Not every woman is going to cheat on you, Jasper,” I said quietly.
He turned his head, and I avoided eye contact in case he could see through what I said.
“Maybe not, but how do I know who will and who won’t?”
I won’t.
“You can’t know that, no one can. You just have to find someone you trust.”
“The only women I trust are my mum, sister and you.”
And me.
If he trusted me, why was he still ruling out a relationship? I curled my arms around my belly. Because he doesn’t want a relationship with me. He doesn’t feel that way about me.
Tears sprang to my eyes, so I picked up the Order of Service and pretended to read it. I wasn’t ready to hear that and have my little family fantasy ripped away. The baby and I were going to be alone. He’d be there, of course, but it wasn’t the same as us being together.
I was spared; the music started playing, signalling my aunt’s entrance. I stood with the rest of the guests and plastered a smile on my face, pretending my heart wasn’t breaking.
Inviting Jasper was a mistake. When he agreed immediately I was elated, but now I felt lower than I had in a long time. I was almost at the point of finding myself, and had a clear image in my head of what I wanted, but now that was gone and a part was missing.
Tammy walked down the aisle for the fifth time, arm through her dad’s, beaming as if it was the first. For her, I hoped it was the last. I wanted to be that happy to be with someone. I didn’t need Jasper to achieve what I wanted career wise, but I felt like I did for what I wanted in my family life.
Tammy passed us, keeping her eyes on an equally thrilled Toby. Jasper’s arm wound around my waist, and his hand rested on my hip. I wanted to push him away. If we were going to have a strictly friendly relationship, then I didn’t want the physical contact that made warmth spread through my entire body. But I didn’t push him away because I loved the feeling too much.
We sat down once Tammy reached the front and the music came to an end. Jasper’s arm stayed around me.
“They look so happy,” I whispered, leaning into him because I was too damn weak to pull away.
Get a hold of yourself, Holly! And I would, tomorrow. Right now I wanted to enjoy today with my family and my baby’s dad.
“They do,” he agreed stiffly as if he was adding in his head ‘For now’.
Why I thought bringing Mr Negative to a wedding was a good idea I’d never know.
Once the ceremony was over we went into another large, high ceiling room that gave the place a grand feel for drinks and canapés while the photographer did his thing. Since I wasn’t a bridesmaid I didn’t have to pose for many photos, which suited me just fine.
“Orange juice?” Jasper asked.
“Please.”
“You want the Pimms fruit on top?”
I shook my head. “No thanks, that’s way too tragic.”
He pursed his lips.
“If you weren’t pregnant you probably still would have had the OJ.”
“I wouldn’t. At weddings, I get drunk.”
He gave a crooked grin.
“Well as soon as this one,” he cupped my belly, stroking it with his thumb, “is out, I’m taking you to a wedding. I’d love to see you drunk again.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
“Holly, darling, you look beautiful,” Tammy said. “Oh you’ve got that pregnancy glow.”
That glow was because my temperature was running higher than usual. I wasn’t glowing I was a fat, hot mess. I’d only just started looking pregnant – even though I was five months – and not like I’d had too many pies.
“Thank you. You look gorgeous. Congratulations!”
“Thank you, love. Where’s your date? He’s very yummy,” she said, wiggling her eyebrow.
I looked over to see Jasper at the drinks table, talking to Brad and his date, Casey “Over there,” I replied, nodding my head towards him.
“And this is baby daddy?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm, you’ve done well there!”
I nudged her arm. “You’ve just got married!”
“Hey, I can still look. What’s the story there anyway? Your mum said you’re not together, but then you turn up here…”
“We’re just friends. He doesn’t want a relationship.”
“Bad experience?”
“His ex cheated on him. He’s in the middle of a divorce.”
“I know how that feels.” Her eyes narrowed. “You love him.”
I blinked in shock. “I… No.”