“I know,” she said and smiled. “He’ll be fine though, and he wouldn’t be allowed to stay anyway. Don’t let it get you down. He’ll come around when he’s had time to think it through.”
“Has he been to see Dr Hales again?”
“Not recently. He went a few times after he split up with Abby but not recently. I’ll be talking to him about that because I really think Carol can help him get some perspective and realise what he needs to do to move on.”
“What do you think he needs to do?” I asked, eager to hear her thoughts.
“I think he needs a conversation with our dad.”
That I did not expect. I thought she was just going to tell me he needs regular therapy and to talk to Dr Hales about what happened and how it affected him.
“Really?” I must have sounded as surprised as I felt.
She shrugged.
“He hasn’t talked to Dad since he was arrested. He’s had no closure and none of the questions he has have been answered. Up until now he could deal with that enough for it not to affect his everyday life too much but now he’s faced with bringing an innocent baby into this world, and I’ll put a lot of money on it eating away at him.”
“You think he’ll be okay?”
“I won’t let him not be,” she said.
Neither will I.
Chapter Thirty
Jasper smiled sheepishly at me as I opened the door. “Hey,” he said.
I stood back so he could come in. “Hi.”
“Are you parents home?” he asked and walked inside.
“No, everyone’s at work.”
“Good.”
I followed him into the living room, and we sat down.
“Hol, I’m sorry. These last couple of days have sucked. I hate arguing with you.”
“I hate arguing with you, too.” But I still didn’t know how we were going to resolve anything properly.
“Can we stop worrying about everything that might happen in the future and concentrate on getting ready for this one?” he asked, glancing at my belly.
I knew that didn’t include him stopping worrying about the baby’s safety. It had to, and he had to want it to, but he wouldn’t face his demons.
“Sure,” I replied, knowing if I brought it up again we’d just fall straight back into the same argument. I knew Sarah and Oakley had been through it with him a few times too. “I’m about to watch a birth video, want to join me?”
He frowned. “Do I?”
“Probably not but if I’m watching it you are too.”
“Why did you ask, then?” he said, wrapping his arm around my waist as we walked into the living room. It was so nice to have things back to normal between us. It had only been a couple days, but I hated arguing and not talking.
“Sit,” I ordered and went to put the DVD on.
He got comfortable and raised his arm as I walked back to the sofa. A thrill ran through me that he wanted to snuggle up as we watched probably the most gross DVD we ever would. I wanted to know what my body was going to go through, but at the same time a part of me wanted to go into it na?ve and utterly unprepared. If I didn’t know how bad it was, then I wouldn’t be able to freak out about it.
“You ready?” Jasper asked as I pressed play on the remote.
I curled into his side and shook my head. “Not at all.”
“You’ll be fine when it’s our turn.” He pressed his lips to my temple and whispered, “I’ll never let anything happen to either of you.”
I closed my eyes and squeezed my arm around his waist as my heartbeat went crazy. I hated Abby for what she’d done to him and wished she’d broken up with him before she slept with Brett so he wouldn’t have been as hurt and closed off to future relationships.
The DVD started, and the excitement from the parents was infectious.
“Maybe this won’t be that bad,” I said.
Twenty minutes later and I realised I’d jinxed it. Big time.
I stared at the screen in horror as the baby pushed its way out of its mother.
“Jesus. Fuck! That’s not natural,” Jasper said, wide eyes and looking traumatised.
“Well it’s alright for you!”
“I can’t look away,” he whined. “Why can’t I look away?”
“I’m having the epidural.”
“Holly, make me look away!”
“Can you stop now? You don’t have to worry about this, I do!”
The mother screamed as the baby’s head popped out and then there was definite tearing.
Jasper heaved, and for a second I thought he was going to be sick on my mum’s new sofa. He pressed his fist to his mouth and squeezed his eyes closed.
I wanted to look away too, but whatever was preventing him earlier was now stopping me. Women did this more than once? What on earth was wrong with them? My own mum did this twice. How could she not hate us?
“I’m scared,” I whispered, wishing I’d never agreed to watch it. Oakley was wrong; this wasn’t helping me understand what was going to happen to my body during birth, this was making me wish I could opt for a caesarean.
“Me too,” Jasper replied. “Is it over yet?”
“I’m not talking about the video! I’m talking about the fact that I’m going to have to do this in three month’s time.”