CHAPTER 17
When they got home, Julie jumped on Facebook and saw that Finn was offline. She sent him a message asking if he was around and then stayed fixed on her inbox, hoping to hear back. After only a few minutes he replied.
Julie–
I’m here. Can’t connect to chat right now for some reason. Facebook is acting up. What’s going on?
–Finn
Julie wanted to feel out Finn and see what he thought about her plan for Celeste. She wrote him back, explaining her idea.
Julie–
It’s risky. I’m not sure what to say. Go easy, though. Celeste has been through a lot.
–Finn
Finn–
So everyone keeps saying. Celeste’s school is threatening to kick her out if they don’t see her improve socially, etc. I’m trying to do what I can, but none of you will give me any information. I’m at a loss, and so this is what I’ve come up with. Either get your butt back here and give me some insight, or at least show some enthusiasm for my plan.
–Julie
Julie–
OK. Easy, girl.
It’s not something we really talk about much. Or at all, to be honest.
This is a one-time-only deal, here, OK? Then we’re not talking about this again. Ugh, here are the basics: A while ago, Mom went through a rough time. A major depression that was bad. Really bad. It left her not terribly functional. There’s a longer history that I don’t know much about, but a few years ago she went off her meds and crashed really hard. I guess that was when Celeste got so attached to me. Dad was busy dealing with Mom, Matt was being Matt, and so Celeste saw me as her savior, I guess.
A shrink could probably give you a better picture, but there’s a lot that comes along with this stuff. My father travels as much as he can so he doesn’t have to deal with this, and my mother has never exactly been the most involved mother even when stable. (Have you not noticed this yet? It’s a joy.) So when I left, I guess it hit my sister hard. Mom is back on her meds now, and so you probably can’t pick up on the underlying depression. Please don’t bring this up with anyone else…it’ll just rock the boat.
Flat Finn is about old wounds that are healing. About her attachment to me, and about crazy, unavailable parents.
Enough said on that matter. For real.
What are you wearing?
–Finn
Finn–
Thank you. I know this wasn’t easy to tell me, and it means a lot that you did. And it explains things a bit. I never would have guessed your mom has had such a difficult time. She seems so totally together. I’m sorry to hear about this, though. It must have been really hard on all of you.
Your mom forgot about a meeting at Celeste’s school today, so Matt and I went in her place. The school is worried about Celeste, so I’m hoping to…Well, I don’t know what I’m hoping to do. Get Celeste into the real world? I’ll let you know how it goes. Maybe you could send her something for Christmas, especially if you’re not going to make it home? Something more portable than Flat Finn that she can keep with her? Of course, don’t let this discourage you from coming home…
I’m wearing six turtlenecks, sweatpants over jeans, three pairs of tube socks, and a golf hat.
–Julie
Julie–
When Mom is on her medications, you can’t tell. And she works very hard to hide her depression from everyone.
I’ll get something to Celeste. Promise. I’ll be in Tahiti in a few days, and I’ll find a good gift there.
God, I wish I could see you in that outfit. It sounds so sexy.
Gotta run. Might be around tonight to chat later if I can get online. Eleven your time?
–Finn
Finn–
Thought you were going to South America after the Cook Islands? I can’t keep up with you!
I’ll be around tonight.
–Julie
She was going out for a late dinner with Seth and knew she’d be home by ten at the latest. So much for going to bed at a reasonable hour. But she didn’t care if she was up until dawn because messaging with Finn was worth the sleep deprivation. He was entertaining and a nice distraction from her impending finals. Plus, he was now the only one giving her any information on Celeste, even if it was sparse.
The roads were clear enough that Julie felt fine driving to the hardware store on her own. Even though she generally loathed navigating snow and ice, she certainly wasn’t about to ask Matt to drive her after he’d unleashed his obnoxious attitude all over the place. Granted, he was probably upset about Celeste, but it didn’t mean that he had to be such a pill. He couldn’t even have a conversation about his sister without getting all weird; either he was rude or mean, or else he deflected all over the place until she just gave up asking.
Julie headed for the stairs. “I’m going to the hardware store. Back in a bit,” she called in the direction of Matt’s room. “Not that you care,” she added under her breath.
She got to the front door before she heard Matt’s footsteps clamoring out of his room and down to the first floor. “Wait! Julie, you’re going now? I didn’t know you were doing this…this thing today.”
“Stop spazzing,” she said calmly. “I’m just buying supplies. Nobody else is doing anything, so I’m going to.”
“That’s not fair. We’re trying.”
“No, you’re all stagnant. And where the hell was your mother today, huh? This was a big deal.”
“I know.”
“How could she have forgotten?”
Matt stood silently for a moment. “I don’t think she forgot,” he said slowly. “She probably didn’t want to go.”
“Oh, well that’s a good excuse!”
“I’m not saying it is. It’s just the way things are.”
“Another great excuse!”
“Julie?” Matt caught the door as she swung it open.
She whipped around. “What? What is it, Matt?” she snapped. “If you have something to say, then say it. If you want to help, help. If not, stay out of it.”
“I just wanted to say thank you,” he said softly.
“Oh.” He wasn’t being horrible right now. “Don’t thank me yet.”
“Thank you for trying.”
Julie looked up at him. “Sure thing.”
“Do you want me to drive? The roads aren’t great,” he offered.
“Are you going to behave yourself or are you going to pitch a fit every time I put something in the shopping cart?”
Matt smirked. “I will make a concerted effort to behave. Will that do?”
“No grumbling, no frowning, no disapproving gestures or words of any kind. In fact, no talking at all.”
“Do you know how many times you’ve told me to stop talking today?”
“Do you know how many more times I could have told you that?”
“Do you want me to drive or not?”
“I do. I’m a big wimp. You be in charge of driving, and I’ll be in charge of shopping.”
“Blech. What stereotyped gender roles we’ve fallen into,” Matt said, feigning horror. “The man drives, and the woman—”
“Have you already forgotten the no-talking rule?” Julie marched down the steps. “Let’s go, smartass.”
Matt bowed formally and waved her through the door. She could tell it was killing him, but he kept his mouth shut the entire ride. He didn’t cringe once while she shopped, and he even bagged the items at the self-checkout.
It had started to snow a bit by the time they left, and Julie shivered as she waited for Matt to unlock the door. It took a few tries to start the car, and then they sat for a few minutes, waiting for the heat system to kick in.
Julie took a deep breath. “Why didn’t you tell me about Erin?”
Matt fumbled with the radio. “Tell you what?”
“About her depression. Finn told me.”
Matt winced. “Look, I don’t want to do this now.” He turned the dial quickly, filling the car with static noise and commercial clips.
“Matt.”
“Julie, not now.”
“OK.” She leaned back into the headrest and pulled her coat in tightly around her body. “Maybe sometime?”
“You can’t let anything go, can you?”
“Come on! It’d be great.” She slapped his arm lightly. “We could sit around and have a long, drawn-out conversation about your mother and the impact her depression has had on the dynamics of the family. Then you can pour your heart out about your angst-ridden childhood, and we’d analyze every minute nuance of your personality.”
At least he was smiling now. “That sounds like torture.”
“Really? You don’t want to bare your soul to me? Cry a little? Catharsis at its finest?”
“Intro to Psych has gotten out of hand, I see.”
“I need to practice. You don’t want me to fail my class, do you?”
“If it means avoiding that nauseating conversation, then yes. I’ll tolerate your failing a class.”
Julie slapped his arm again. “Jerk.”