Where I Belong

He shakes his head and comes up beside me, stopping when his arm brushes against mine. “You should’ve told me,” he snarls down at me. He’s never looked at me like this before. I can practically feel the revulsion coming off him. And then he’s gone, moving down the hallway in the direction I was originally heading. He chose not to satiate me with an answer to my question, but I suppose his silence answers for him.

I walk outside and quickly dial my parents’ number after my phone beeps with a voicemail alert. My mother’s casual voice throws me off, until she informs me that she hasn’t read my text message due to the fact that they’ve both been asleep. However, that doesn’t prevent the earful she gives me about not feeling the need to call her with that kind of information. She calms down eventually after I tell her Ben’s okay and only keeps me on the phone for a few minutes. After hanging up with her, I dial Mia’s number. She picks up on the second ring.

“Oh my God. Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay.”

Her panicky tone makes my heart shudder in my chest cavity. It’s my fault she’s so worried. “Sweetie, he’s fine. He’s not really hurt at all. Just a minor cut on his arm.”

She cries through the phone, her whimpers mixed with the noise of traffic. “Tessa, I thought… I thought I’d never see him again. I never got to tell him…” Her voice breaks apart in sobs and it kills me.

“Shhh, Mia, it’s okay. He’s okay, I swear. He’s f*cking pissed as hell about not being there with you. And so am I. Are you okay?”

She pauses, taking in a few deep breaths. “I’m okay I guess. She wasn’t in any pain when she died. It was very peaceful and I got to say goodbye. My last memories of her are of when she was healthy, so I have those to hold on to.”

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. And Ben’s tore up about you going through this alone.”

“I actually thought that maybe he didn’t care about me. That he didn’t care enough to call me when I needed him. And then when I got your message telling me he had been shot, God, Tessa, I almost died right there. I’ve never been that scared before.”

I wipe the tear that had worked its way down my cheek. “Oh, sweetie. How could you think he doesn’t care? He loves you. Hasn’t he told you that?”

“No, not yet. It doesn’t matter. I’m telling him as soon as I see him. I can’t wait another second.” Her voice sounds steady now, full of determination. When my best friend wants something, she goes for it. “I better get off here though before I get pulled over. I’m about two hours out so tell Ben I’ll be there soon.”

“He’s coming to you, Mia. I’m telling you right now, as soon as he’s discharged, he’s leaving here.”

She sighs heavily. “Well tell him to stay put.”

“You’ve met him, right? I can’t tell him anything when it comes to you.”

She laughs slightly, sniffing at the end of her subdued chuckle. “Yeah. Just have him call me when he’s leaving. I guess I’ll meet him somewhere.”

I walk toward the entrance to the hospital, having worked my way along the side during our conversation. “Alright. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I end the call and pull up the voicemail, crying again when I hear her voice. And then she says it, “Tell him I love him, Tessa.” And I stop the message. This isn’t for me. It’s for him.





Chapter Twenty


Ben

I keep my eyes on Nolan as he fumbles with the TV remote. I need a distraction and he’s the only thing keeping me from jumping out of this bed and not giving a shit about my stitches. Every time I watch this nurse work the needle in and out of my skin, she seems to slow down. So I don’t look. Because I need to get the f*ck out of here.

I wasn’t with her when she needed me.

It kills me to think that she couldn’t get a hold of me. And worse than that, that there was a moment I considered not putting on my vest before that raid. Something could’ve happened. One of those bullets could’ve been fatal and I’d never hold her again. I’d never see her face light up with her smile or the playful glint in her eye that teetered on seductive. My chest is on fire where the welts are forming, but the pain I’m feeling right now, being without her, is excruciating. I feel like a part of my soul is missing. She’s the best part of me, my entire future, and as soon as I see her, I’m saying it.

Tessa walks into the room, wiping underneath her eyes before giving me a nod. “I talked to her. She knows you’re okay. And she seems okay now. Her mom wasn’t in any pain when she died. She’s on her way here.”

F*ck. I wasn’t there for her. Her mom died and I wasn’t there.

The pressure forming in my chest intensifies and I scoff at the nurse who seems to be taking her good old f*cking time on my arm.

Tessa walks over to the bed, holding out her phone. “Here. You need to listen to this.”

I take it from her with apprehension. “What is it?” She doesn’t answer me as she walks over toward Nolan and I place the phone up to my ear. Within seconds, my angel’s voice fills me.

“I’m on my way. Oh my God, please call me back and tell me he’s okay. Tell him I love him, Tessa. Tell him I’m going to say that to him every second for the rest of his life. He’ll never go another day without hearing those words from me.” I hear her quivering breath before she pleads, “Please don’t take him away from me.”

The desperation in her voice nearly guts me. But those words, the words I’ve held off saying, have my heart slamming so hard against my sternum I’m certain it’ll snap it in half. But I don’t care if it does. I never want it to stop beating like this. I’d do f*cking anything to keep feeling this way.

I need her. Now.

I start to move off the bed when the nurse slams her hand on my shoulder. “I have one more stitch. And then you’ll have to wait to see if the doctor will release you. You have a lot of bruises from those bullets and you’ll be in a lot of pain. You might want to think about going home with some medication.”

I turn my head and make sure she is looking right into my eyes. I don’t want to have to repeat myself. “I don’t care about the pain. I’ll endure anything to get to the woman I f*cking breathe for. She needs me and as soon as you’re finished with that last stitch, I’m going to her.”

Her eyes widen slightly and she steadies the needle against my shoulder. “But the doctor will want—”

“Tell him that I’m not waiting to get discharged. Say I went against orders. I don’t give a shit.” I look at my shoulder and then back at her. “It doesn’t need to be pretty. Just finish it so I can get out of here.” She gets to it and I hold Tessa’s phone out to her.

She waves me off with her hand. “No. Take it. You’ll need to call her so you two don’t pass each other on the highway.” She looks down at Nolan and smiles before looking back at me with a saddened expression. “Her message kind of killed me.”

I rest my head back on the bed. “Yeah. It kind of killed me too.”

The nurse stands and pulls off her gloves after placing a bandage over my stitches. “All finished. I’ll go grab the paperwork you need to sign.” I’m out of bed before she leaves the room and my speed startles her. “Uh, you’re not going to stick around and sign anything, are you?”