Where I Belong

“Nolan, don’t buy any more apps. I will be looting your piggy bank to pay for the seven that you’ve bought already.”

He doesn’t respond as I clean up my dishes, most likely browsing the hottest games on ITunes. Another hour goes by before I grab my phone and really start to worry. There’s no way in hell it should take Mia this long. Not unless she really did go to another state to grocery shop. I notice the missed call from Mia on my screen.

“Nolan, damn it. You turned my volume down.”

He gasps softly and I look up at his wide-eyed stare. “You said a bad wowrd.”

Shit. I hold my phone up to my ear to listen to her voicemail, turning the TV on as a distraction. Hopefully he’ll find something amusing and will forget all about my potty mouth. I really don’t feel like getting my ass handed to me by Ben for my language usage around his son.

“Hey, it’s me. I’m so sorry I missed your calls but I’m in Fulton at the hospital. It’s my mom. She’s dying, Tessa. I got the call from my aunt when I was at the grocery store and I just drove straight here. Can you tell Ben to call me? Or text me or something? I tried calling him but he didn’t answer. Oh and tell Nolan I’m sorry about the pancakes. I’ll make him some the next time I see him.”

“Oh God.” I exit my voicemail and quickly dial her number again, cursing under my breath and moving into the kitchen. She doesn’t pick up and I begin to cry. “Oh my God, Mia, I’m so sorry I missed your call. Nolan was playing with my phone and turned down the volume.” I try to muffle my cries but I’m one of those loud criers and it’s useless. “Jesus, I should be there with you. I’m going to call Ben right now and let him know what’s going on. Just call me when you get a chance, okay? I love you.”

I wipe my eyes and dial Ben’s number. Nolan jumps around on the couch cushions, completely oblivious to me and anything else that isn’t the cartoon he’s watching. Thank God I got his mind off those pancakes. “God damn it.” Ben’s voicemail message begins playing. I wait for the beep and slip farther into the kitchen, trying to get out of earshot of Nolan. “Is nobody answering their phones today? Mia’s mom is dying, Ben. She needs you. She’s already in Fulton and you better call her or get your ass there. I’ll take care of Nolan. And answer your phone when I call you please.”

I dial Mia’s number again. “Hey, it’s me. I called Ben but had to leave him a message. God, I wish I was there with you. I hate that you’re dealing with this alone. Just call me as soon as you get this and let me know what’s going on. I’ll keep trying Ben.”

I dial his number again.

“Answer your f*cking phone. Mia needs you, a*shole.”

I hang up and walk over to the counter, grabbing the box of cookies that is almost empty. There is no way in hell I am going to inform Nolan that he won’t be having pancakes any time soon. I’ve seen some of his temper tantrums.

I pick up the couch cushions and resituate them before plopping down on the end. “I feel like having cookies for breakfast.” I take a bite of one of the chocolate chip ones as he scrambles up next to me, his crazy gray eyes flicking from my mouth to the box. “What about you?” He nods eagerly and dives for some cookies, lying sideways on the couch with his head at the other end while he eats and watches his cartoon.

I dial Mia’s number several more times, hoping to get a hold of her but get her voicemail each time. I also call Ben a few more times and I’m sent straight to his voicemail with each dial. I’m hurting for Mia and want to be there with her. Ms. Corelli was always so sweet to me when I was younger. She would do anything for anybody, a quality my best friend acquired. I think about throwing Nolan into my car and beginning the drive to Fulton, but I’d never do that unless I made Ben aware. And since my dumbass brother isn’t liking his phone today, I can’t make him aware of that plan.

Nolan and I devour the cookies while watching several of his favorite shows, and just as I’m about to grab us both a drink, my phone finally rings. I lunge for it, hoping and praying that it’s either Mia or Ben, but it isn’t. Luke’s name flashes on my screen and I hit ignore with my middle finger before turning it up in front of my phone as if he can see it. He is the last person I want to talk to. He calls again, and again, and each time I hit ignore with an irritated grunt. Until I realize like a complete dumbass that I need to talk to Luke. Because talking to Luke means getting through to Ben.

“Shit.” I frantically hit redial and stand from the couch, walking around the back of it. Nolan giggles at my choice word before turning back to his cartoon.

“Jesus f*cking Christ. Finally!” Luke barks into my ear. I open my mouth to cut him down to size and to remind him that we’re not together so I don’t have to answer his calls when his voice halts me. “Ben’s been shot, Tessa. They’re taking him to St. Joseph’s hospital.”

His words are like a kick to my diaphragm. I feel the air leave my lungs and I don’t register anything else coming through the phone. It’s all white noise. Background gibberish from a guy that I don’t really want to talk to anyway. The bones in my hand ache as I grip the phone tighter and stare at the back of Nolan’s head. Ben’s been shot. Nolan. Mia. I somehow manage to take in a breath and find my voice.

“I’m on my way. I’ll meet you there.”

I hit end and run down the hall toward my bedroom, dialing Mia’s number. I’m not even surprised at this point when it goes to voicemail. I try to keep my voice as calm as I can for her. “Mia, Ben’s been shot. He’s been f*cking shot. I don’t know anything except for that they’re taking him to St. Joseph’s hospital. Please call me. Please.”

I hang up and grab my keys before sprinting back into the living room. “Nolan, come on. We gotta go.”

He continues jumping on the couch. “I wanna watch dis.” I grab him and feel his body tense in protest. “Noooo!” He flails in my arms but I just hold him tighter as we head out to my car.

“Stop it, Nolan. We need to go see Daddy.”

He immediately stops fighting me and I immediately regret telling him where we are going. If something were to happen to Ben and Nolan doesn’t get to see him, I’m not sure how I will handle that. Not only for him, but for me as well. And Mia. God, no. I can’t think about that. Nothing was going to happen to him. I fight back my tears and buckle Nolan in before peeling away from the house.

St. Joseph’s hospital is thirty-five minutes away but I get there in a little under twenty. I wanted to call my parents but I couldn’t inform them of Ben’s situation with Nolan and his sonic hearing listening in, so I resorted to a text message. I knew I’d get an earful once they saw that this was the way I’d decided to fill them in, but it was my only option at the moment.

I manage to keep myself calm when I collect Nolan from the car and carry him into the hospital. But once the lady at the reception desk tells me Ben’s room number, I sprint toward the elevators. I don’t know what condition I will find him in. He could be unconscious. Unrecognizable. Dead. I have no idea. I don’t know the extent of his injuries and I am willing to risk Nolan seeing his father in whatever state he is in because I need to see him.