Where I Belong

Once the elevator stops on my floor, I clutch Nolan against my side as I maneuver between the people in the hallway. 319. 319. I’m scanning for Ben’s room number as I pass every doorway. Finally after what feels like a lifetime, I pass room 317 and know his room is next. I stop just before reaching his door, my heart pumping so loud it’s causing tremors in my field of vision. I let out an unsteady breath and shift Nolan on my hip before filling the doorway.

I’m prepared for blood.

I’m prepared for the annoying constant beeping of machines and the sight of my brother bandaged up.

But this? I’m not prepared for this. Not after the multitude of emotions I’ve felt today.

My heart thunders in my chest at the sight of Ben, sitting up in bed while a nurse tends to his shoulder. He looks completely unharmed except for the deep gash that the nurse is stitching up. Luke is sitting next to him in a chair beside the bed and as I step into the room, both pairs of eyes fixate on me.

“Daddy!” Nolan scrambles out of my arms and runs over to the bed, climbing up on it.

“What the hell is this?” I gesture with my hand toward my brother, getting a bewildered expression in return. “I thought you’d be dying. Or at least severely injured.” I snap my head toward Luke who leans back in his chair in response to the anger behind my glare. “Jesus Christ, Luke. You think you could’ve mentioned that Ben was only suffering from a flesh wound! Do you have any idea how scared I was! How scared I’ve probably made Mia!”

“Where is Mia?” Ben asks, but his question goes unanswered when I continue contemplating how I’d like to inflict pain on the idiot in the room.

Luke’s eyes shift from Ben’s to mine. “I told you he was wearing his vest, thank Christ, and only took one to the arm. If he hadn’t been wearing it, he’d probably be dead. Look at this thing.” He reaches down and lifts Ben’s police vest off the ground, numerous holes visible through the chest plate.

I put my hands on my hips. “You didn’t say that. You only said he got shot and was en route to the hospital. Thanks for keeping the important details to yourself, a*shole.” I don’t want to admit to Luke that I had tuned him out sometime during our conversation. He could’ve told me that Ben was okay, and the thought of me not hearing it instead of him not saying it was maddening. I’ve freaked everyone out for no reason. This was all me. But he doesn’t need to know that.

Ben grabs Nolan’s head and covers his ears. “Really, Tessa? Could you not cuss around him? And where the f*ck is Mia?” he harshly whispers, keeping Nolan completely oblivious.

Luke stands up and drops the vest on the bed. “God, I’m so sick of this shit from you. You break up with me for no God damned reason at all, and now you act like a complete bitch.” He bridges the gap between us, bringing his face inches from mine. “Why did you end it? You owe me a reason and you’re going to give it to me right f*cking now.”

“I owe you shit.”

“Tessa!”

Luke and I both turn toward Ben’s frantic voice. The nurse who is working on him grabs his shoulder and pushes him back so he’s reclining on the bed. He’s still covering Nolan’s ears, which is a good thing. “Sir, you’re going to have to keep still so I can finish this. If you yell like that again, I’m likely to stick this needle straight into your arm.”

“Sorry,” he says to her before looking back at me. “Where is she? Nothing else comes out of your mouth until you tell me where she is.”

I ignore Luke’s closeness and feel my stomach drop at the thought of my best friend. “Her mom was dying. She went out to get pancake mix for Nolan and got a call from her aunt. She’s in Fulton.”

The words come out like rapid fire and as soon as I finish talking, Ben tries to get up. The nurse firmly pushes against his shoulder again. “Sir, I’m not finished.”

He shrugs her off and shifts Nolan in his lap. “I don’t care. I need to go.”

“Mr. Kelly, you can’t leave with an open wound. You’re likely to get an infection. A nasty one at that. Let me finish stitching you up and we’ll see if the doctor will release you.”

He grunts and leans back, both fists clenching on his sheet. “Hurry. Up,” he firmly directs her. His eyes pierce into mine. “Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t she? She shouldn’t be there going through this without me. One of us should be with her.”

“I know that. I haven’t been able to get a hold of her all day. She left me a message and asked me to try and get a hold of you because she couldn’t reach you. And then I couldn’t reach you. Where the hell is your phone?”

He looks at the vest on the bed and reaches for it, pulling out a barely held together phone. “Shit,” he whispers, looking quickly at Nolan who is now playing with the TV remote at the foot of the bed. He winces while the nurse continues to stitch him up. “Call her. Find out where she is and tell her I’m coming to get her.”

I pull my phone out and notice the nonexistent reception I’m currently getting. “I have to step outside. Do you want me to take Nolan?”

“No. But I’ll need you to watch him when I leave. I’m getting to Fulton in under four hours.” He turns and watches the nurse, undoubtedly willing her to hurry the f*ck up.

I nod and exit the room, hearing footsteps behind me. I turn and Luke runs straight into me, grabbing me before I topple over. “Christ! What? I don’t have time for this. I need to call Mia.”

He keeps his grip on my arms. “Tell me why you broke up with me.”

I’m sick of this. And I know Luke. He won’t let this go until he gets what he wants. Persistent little bastard. Just like when he has to get another orgasm out of me.

The nerve.

I pull my arms out of his grasp and grit my teeth. “I thought I was pregnant, you prick.”

He leans back as if I’ve just slapped him across the face. “What? You did? When? Are you?” His voice is softer, the heat that was in it moments ago completely vanished.

I feel my body remembering that day and the pain I felt when I delivered the blow that broke us. The agony burns like acid in my mouth, coating my words. “No, I’m not. But I thought I was.”

He holds his hands out in front of him, still seemingly clueless to why I ended things.

“I asked you if you ever saw yourself having kids someday and you said no. You said you never wanted what Ben had. And I want that.” I bite my tongue to distract me from the pain of the memory.

His nostrils flare and he steps closer to me. “You broke up with me thinking you were pregnant? And you didn’t think I should know about it? Do you know how f*cked up that is?”

“You wouldn’t have wanted it. You said…”

He steps into me and brings his face so close to mine, his breath tickles my eyelashes. “Don’t tell me what I would’ve wanted,” he growls. “Was there a chance it wasn’t mine? Is that why you didn’t tell me?”

His words are like venom coming out of his mouth. I gasp, stepping back and putting some distance between us. “No, there wasn’t a chance it wouldn’t have been yours. But since you’re bringing it up, how many other girls were you sleeping with besides me? I should probably go get myself tested while I’m here.”