Where I Belong

I hesitate, not really knowing how to answer that question. “He’s… different. I don’t know. It’s strange getting used to this Ben when I was anticipating the old one.”

“Well time changes people,” she states obviously. “It’s certainly changed you over the years. My little girl became this beautiful young lady.”

I smile and lie back on the bed, playing with the hem of my dress. “You sound really good. How is your strength? Are you eating? Are you having any more of those dizzy spells?”

“Oh, honey, I’m perfect.” More tears fill my eyes and I sniffle quietly away from the phone. “Your aunt and I went for a walk yesterday at the park. It was too nice of a day to stay indoors. I fed some ducks for you.”

“Oh, the duck pond. I love that place.” I sit up when I hear crying coming from down the hallway. Little dimpled look alike crying. “Hey, Mom. Can I call you back?”

“Sweetheart, enjoy yourself. Don’t worry about me. I’m feeling great, okay?”

I swing my legs out of bed and stand up. “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I smile and toss my phone on the bed, walking toward the cries that seem to get more hysterical the closer I get. Nolan is sitting on the kitchen counter, wrapped up in a towel and trying to pull his knee away from Ben.

“Ahhhh stop! No, Daddy!”

“Buddy, let me look at it. I need to clean it out.”

I walk over to them and Nolan’s eyes turn toward me. “Oh, no. What happened, Sir Nolan?” I place my hand on his shin, wrapping my fingers around his calf. He tenses a bit but doesn’t pull away from me. “Brave knights don’t cry when they get boo boos, do they?” He dries up his tears and shakes his head at me, his tiny lip trembling. His knee is scraped up and a bit of blood is pooling on the wound.

“I fewl.” He sniffs. “Daddy’s gonna huwrt it.”

I look up at Ben, meeting his gaze that I didn’t realize was already fixated on me. “Daddy’s not gonna hurt it. Are you, Daddy?” I don’t mean for my tone to sound seductive, but given the intensified stare that shifts in Ben’s eyes, I’m guessing it comes off as that. He blinks rapidly, dropping his gaze to Nolan’s. I do the same. “You know, some princesses carry magical powers. And guess what?”

“What?” His eyes go wide and his voice becomes a fascinated whisper.

“I’m one of those princesses.” I disappear down the hallway and retrieve a small medicine bag that I carry with me out of habit. And this medicine bag just so happens to be covered in glitter. Very magical.

“What is that?” Nolan asks, the fear completely wiped from his voice and replaced with wild curiosity.

“This,” I open the zipper and begin rummaging through it, “is my magic bag. It’s filled with stuff to make knights feel better.” I pull out some disinfectant spray, a few pieces of gauze, and a band aid. I place the bag on the counter next to Nolan, seeing his eyes broaden as he tries to see down into it. “Look in the bag and tell me what you see.” He becomes distracted, rattling off the list of items and allowing me to spray the gauze and apply it gently to his knee. Ben watches me from the side intently, my eyes meeting his every few seconds. I want to focus solely on my task, but my eyes betray me and I allow them to wander. I blow softly on the scrape but Nolan doesn’t notice.

“What’s this?” Nolan pulls out an ace bandage, unraveling it to the floor. “Whoa!”

I giggle and apply the band aid to his knee. “That is for brave knights that endure dragon injuries.” I raise an eyebrow at him and he grins. “Do you have any dragon injuries?”

He nods anxiously. “I got hit by a tail wight hewre.” He points to the invisible injury on his head and Ben and I chuckle.

“Well, if it’s okay with your daddy, I can wrap you up with my magic band.”

“Pwease, Daddy?”

Ben picks up the ace bandage and holds it out to me. “Well I can’t have you bleeding all over my truck with that massive head wound.” He winks at me, placing the bandage into my hand.

I wrap up Nolan’s head as he adorably giggles. “Sir Nolan, you look ready to take on a land of dragons.” Ben picks him up, kissing his cheek before placing him on the ground. I am about to turn when two tiny arms wrap around my legs. He smiles up at me before running toward the couch, picking up his sword and commencing the battle he seems to be constantly fighting in.

“That was amazing,” Ben states, causing me to turn and look up into his eyes. We are standing inches apart, close enough to touch each other if we want to. “I couldn’t go anywhere near his scrape, and you cleaned it out and stuck a band aid on it without him even flinching.”

“Everyone forgets their fears when they’re distracted. And a magic bag to a three-year-old is very distracting.”

He moves in closer to me, his eyes flicking toward Nolan momentarily. His hand brushes against mine before he grabs it, interlocking our fingers. I try to pull mine out of his but he holds it tighter. “How am I supposed to make you like me if you won’t let go of who I used to be?”

I pull harder, but he moves closer, eliminating all space between us. “I’m… not ready to like you yet.” He smiles, and it is so unexpected that I actually giggle like a complete fool. I slap my free hand over my mouth.

“Yet,” he echoes. His eyes do a quick sweep down my body. “You look really pretty by the way.”

I swallow loudly. Almost uncomfortably as I drop my hand. “Thanks.” It’s suddenly feeling a thousand degrees hotter in here and I need to back up. I need to put some space between us. I need to pull my hand out of his. But for some stupid reason, I can’t. I want to yank my hand away. I want my feet to move. My brain is screaming at me right now to do the right thing here, but my body is overpowering it.

God damn it. Why does it have to feel good to be this close to him? Why can’t he have halitosis or be all fluffy instead of a mountain of muscle with inviting breath? I may not have control over my body right now, but I still have use of my mouth.

Shit. And now I’m thinking about what I could do with my mouth. Shit!

I take in a deep breath and clamp my eyes shut, needing to at least take away the visual of him. “Ben, please back up.”

He laughs softly above me. “Why are your eyes closed?”

“They just are. Can you please back up?”

He laughs again. And damn it, I love his sounds too. “Do you really want me to back up?”

“Ben.”

“I’m just making sure.” I feel his thumb brush along the skin of my hand. “You look really pretty, Mia.”

“You already said that.”

“And I’m going to keep saying it.”

I open my eyes and stare up into his. There’s nothing but kindness in them. No underlining lust. No hidden motives or agendas behind those crazy gray eyes. I suppose they’ve always been this amazing to look into, but nine years ago, I avoided them at all costs. Of course nine years ago, he’d never have put himself this close to me. And he definitely wouldn’t have given me a compliment.

He smiles, dropping my hand after giving it a light squeeze. “I mean it. I’m going to keep telling you that. You might as well get used to it.”

I look down at my feet, concealing my flushed cheeks. “Okay.”