Chapter Twenty
Chloe
There was something wrong with Drake, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I had been on tour with the band for just over a week and everything had gone smoothly, apart from Drake. His moods were starting to give me whiplash; one minute he was normal cheerful Drake and the next he was yelling at me and storming off over the littlest things.
The worst fight, and the stupidest as well, was when I had tried to be nice and clean the bus for them while they were practicing in a bar before a show. I scrubbed every inch of the bus, from the makeshift kitchen to the bathroom, and had even ran to the local store and stocked the bus up on everything from toilet paper to his worshipped Pop Tarts.
The rest of the band had been grateful for my hard work, but Drake had flipped out and started yelling at me. Shocked at his outburst, I had stood frozen while he screamed at me. When he was finished, he stomped off to the bathroom and locked himself in there for over an hour. When he came out, he apologized over and over but I ignored him. I was hurt, but I was mad too. I had tried to do something nice for him and he didn’t even care.
At first, I had assumed his anger was from my attempt at making amends with Jordan, but that didn’t seem to be the case. He wasn’t only lashing out at me, but at the band as well. Eric had all but thrown him off the bus when he and Adam had almost come to blows over who was going to drive. I knew they were as concerned as I was, but we were lost with how to help him. Whenever one of us would try to talk to him about the changes we had seen, he would either get angry or blow us off.
We were only a couple of weeks away from the end of their summer tour and I was secretly glad. I hoped once we were back home, Drake would return to normal. Tonight they were playing in one of the biggest bars on the tour in Trenton, New Jersey. The bar itself was easily three times the size of Gold’s back home and word had spread quickly that Breaking the Hunger would be here.
With only half an hour until they started their set, the room was filled to capacity. The bar had reserved a table next to the stage for the band, and I sat with them; watching the bar skanks and sipping my beer. There had been a few who were brave enough to approach Drake while he sat beside me with his arm around my shoulders, but he quickly got rid of them. I had to admit, that was a major plus side to Drake’s newfound temper. I couldn’t help but smile as Drake not so politely told them all to f*ck off.
Drake kept his arm around me until it was time for them to take the stage. He had been in a bad mood most of the day and I was surprised when he bent down to kiss my forehead before leaving me alone at our table. I watched as he followed the other members onto the stage and took his place in the front.
He still looked every bit the badass rocker I had met almost a year ago, but I could see how tired he was. Living on a bus and the events of this summer had taken a toll on him, both mentally and physically.
He introduced himself and the band before Jade started into the first song. Their performance was good, but not one of their best. I nearly had a heart attack when Drake stumbled and nearly fell, but he quickly regained his footing and continued on with the song like nothing had happened.
I glanced up when the chair beside me was pulled out and a guy sat down next to me.
“Why are you sitting over here all by yourself?” He asked.
“Um, just watching my boyfriend on stage.” I emphasized the word boyfriend, hoping he would take the hint.
“Oh, which one is he?”
I pointed to Drake. “The one singing.”
“He’s got a hell of a voice. Kind of reminds me of a mix between Three Days Grace and Seether, which are two of my favorite bands.”
“Yeah, he does.”
“I’m Ron by the way. Do you mind if I sit with you until they’re done? I’d love to meet them.”
“Nice to meet you Ron, I’m Chloe. I don’t mind, I’m sure they’d like to meet you since you’re not a screaming fan girl.”
He laughed. “No, definitely not a screaming girl.”
My reply was cut off by the shrill sound of a microphone being thrown down. I glanced up to see that Drake jumping from the stage and rushing over to me. My eyes widened as he grabbed Ron and pulled him from his chair. I scrambled out of my chair as he threw him on the table and slammed his fist into Ron’s face.
“Stay the f*ck away from my girlfriend!” Drake shouted as he landed another punch.
“Stop!” I screamed. I tried to grab his arm to keep him from hitting Ron again. Before I even realized what was happening, Drake spun around and shoved me away. I lost my balance and tumbled to the ground.
Drake froze as he stared down at me. “Oh my God Chloe, I’m so sorry.”
Jade rushed to my side and helped me up. “Are you alright?”
“Fine.” I growled.
Drake reached out for me, but I pushed him away. “Chloe, I’m so sorry.”
“Just stay away from me right now,” I pointed to Ron, who was sitting on the table, holding his face. “You hit an innocent guy who was sitting with me so that he could meet you and then pushed me down. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ve had it!”
I turned and stormed away as one of the bouncers rushed over to the scene Drake had caused.
“We don’t put up with this shit, especially from the performers. Pack your stuff up and get out!” I heard him roar as he reached Drake.
The bar was deathly quiet as I walked through the crowd. They parted easily for me and I was out the door in seconds. I ran to the bus and jumped on, with Jade right behind me.
“I can’t believe him!” I shouted.
“I know honey, this isn’t like him.” Jade said sadly.
“He just beat up some random guy and got you guys kicked out of the bar. Was he like this before I got here?
“He’s been a little off for a while, but it’s getting worse.”
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked as I started to cry.
I felt like I was losing him, and I was powerless to stop it. He was slowly slipping away and he refused to open up to me so that I could help him or fix whatever was bothering him.
Eric stepped on the bus, looking more pissed off than I had ever seen him. “We have a serious problem.”
“You think?” I grumbled as I rubbed a sore spot on my bottom. “Where is he anyway?”
“He helped pack everything up and then disappeared.”
“I don’t know what to do Eric.” I said.
“I do,” Adam said as he boarded the bus as well. “Let me beat the shit out of him.”
“Adam, you’re not helping.” Jade said as she glared at him.
“I think I know what’s going on with him, but I hope I’m wrong.” Eric said as he sat down at the table.
“What? Tell me and we’ll fix it.” I pleaded.
“This isn’t something you can fix.”
“Damn it Eric, spit it out.” Adam growled.
“I think he’s using again.”
“Using? You mean drugs? Drake wouldn’t do that.” I said, confused.
“I didn’t think he would, but all the signs point in that direction. The mood swings, the random outbursts of anger, him disappearing constantly; it all fits. I knew him before he went to rehab and it was almost exactly like this.”
I dropped into the seat across from him. “There’s no way he would do that. He knows how I feel about drugs after everything that happened with my mom, he knows I’d leave. I won’t go through that again.”
“I think he’s right Chloe. I’ve been thinking the same thing, but I was afraid to say it.” Jade said sadly.
“You’re all wrong, he wouldn’t do that!” I all but shouted.
I jumped from my chair and walked back to Drake’s bunk to grab my purse.
“Where are you going?” Adam asked as I walked to the door.
“To a hotel, I can’t deal with this right now.”
I exited the bus and ran for my car. I drove around town for a while, trying to clear my head. There was no way that Drake would ever start using again, Eric had to be wrong. He knew about my past, and he had seen firsthand how screwed up my mom had been because of them. Knowing how much I hated them, there was no way that he would risk losing me; we loved each other too much.
I finally pulled into a beat down hotel just a few miles from the bus. I told myself it was because I didn’t want to have to hunt to find my way back in the morning, but the truth was that I wanted to be close in case Drake called. Yes, I was really angry with him for tonight, but I wanted him to open up to me. Maybe after tonight, he would realize he needed to open up to me.
After paying for my room, I carried my bags inside and looked around the room. I cringed and rethought my decision to stay here as I took in the dingy space. The room was clean enough, but it was aged. The walls were a bit stained and the wallpaper was peeling in places. I glanced at the bed; it seemed ok, but I was definitely wearing pajamas to bed just to be safe.
I took a quick shower and checked my phone, but there were no missed calls. Defeated, I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up. Maybe tomorrow; it was a new day after all.
There were still no missed calls when I woke the next morning. My hope deflated when I still hadn’t received a call after I was dressed and driving back to the bus. Amazingly enough, the bus was still parked in the lot. I had been afraid that the bar would force them off of their property.
The bus was quiet as I stepped inside. Jade was sitting at the table with her laptop open in front of her. She glanced up and gave me a weak smile as I closed the door behind me.
“Morning.”
“Morning, did he show up?” I asked, afraid to look back and see Drake’s bunk still empty.
She sighed. “Yeah, he came back in the middle of the night. He was drunk and flipped out when he realized you left. He thought you had left him period and started to go after you. Since he could barely stand up, we convinced him to sleep it off and that you would be back in the morning.”
“I assume he’s still sleeping?”
“Yeah, and he probably will for a while. I’d let him sleep, it’s not going to be pretty when he wakes up.”
“I won’t wake him, but I’m going to check on him.” I said as I walked quietly to his bunk.
He was lying in bed in only his boxers with his mouth hanging open. I couldn’t help but smile at how cute he looked. I stepped closer and tripped over something on the floor. I threw my hands out and to keep myself from falling and glanced down to see what the culprit was. Drake’s shirt and pants were tossed down beside the bed and I reached down to pick them up.
I grabbed his shirt first and almost gagged; it smelled like he had taken a bath in Jack Daniels. I grabbed his pants next and threw them and the shirt in the bag he used for dirty laundry. A small bag fell from his jeans and onto the floor. My heart stopped as I reached down to pick it up.
“No.” I whispered as I stared at the white powder inside. “How could he?”
So this was it; this stupid little bag was why he was putting everyone through hell. Drake had his faults, just like everyone else, and I looked past them. But this, this I couldn’t ignore. I had spent my entire life being physically abused by a drug addict and I wasn’t going to spend the rest being verbally abused by another one.
My eyes fell on Drake’s sleeping form and I lost it. “Un-f*cking-believable!” I screeched. Eric and Adam were sleeping only a few feet away and they both woke up when they heard my shouting.
“Whadaf*ck?” Adam mumbled, still half asleep.
Eric sat up in bed and looked at me. “What’s wrong?”
“You were right. This,” I kicked Drake’s bunk as I held up the bag for Adam to see, “a*shole is using cocaine.”
Jade rushed back to us, but stopped dead when she saw the bag in my hand. “Oh, no.”
“Oh, yes.” I growled.
I leaned down and shook a still sleeping Drake roughly. How he had slept through my shouting, I’ll never know.
“Wake up a*shole!” I shouted.
He groaned and rolled over, but continued to sleep. My patience was running out and I slapped his bare arm; next would be a kick to a certain area he was extra fond of.
“Wake! Up!” I shouted into his ear.
His eyes opened slowly. “Chloe?”
“Good job, you know who I am. Now get up.”
He slowly sat up and peered at me through bloodshot eyes. “Not so loud, my head is killing me.”
“It’s really going to hurt after I get through with you,” I threw the bag at him. “Look what fell out of your pocket.”
His eyes widened and he glanced back and forth between the bag and me. “That’s not mine.”
“Don’t lie to me Drake, I’m not stupid! It fell out of your pocket!”
Eric stood and put his hand on my shoulder. “Hey, calm down.”
I turned to glare at him. “Stay out of this. Actually, I want you guys to give us a minute alone.”
“I, uh you’re kind of mad right now. I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Eric said.
“No, I want to be alone with him. Please.”
Eric seemed unsure, but Jade nodded. “We’ll be outside, just yell if you need us.”
I waited until they left to turn back to Drake. Neither of us spoke as we stared at each other and my eyes welled up with tears, both from anger and hurt.
“How could you?” I whispered.
“I didn’t…” He started, but I held up my hand.
“No, just stop. Tell me the truth.”
He stood and reached out for me, but I pushed him away. “Chloe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“That’s a lie. If you didn’t want it to happen, you wouldn’t have started using to begin with. You’ve gone years without using, I thought you were done with this shit.”
“I was, I mean I am. Everything got to me and I wanted a release, I never meant to keep using, but things just kept getting worse.”
“Drugs are not a release, they’re a prison. How long?”
He looked away and I counted to ten in my head to keep from screaming.
“How long have you been using again?”
“Since the night Kadi showed up with the pictures.”
“Jesus Drake!”
“It’s not a big deal alright?”
“Not a big deal? Are you kidding me? You know what I went through with my mother and I’m not about to go through it again with you!”
“I’m nothing like her; I would never hurt you like that!”
“You already did Drake. You’ve been lying to me the entire time and don’t even get me started on your anger issues. I won’t do it again. I want you to get help.”
“What do you mean help? I don’t see what the big deal is Chloe, I’ve got it under control.”
“No you don’t or you wouldn’t still be using. I want you to go to rehab again. Please, for us.”
“I’m not going to rehab Chloe! You’re overreacting to all of this!” He shouted, finally losing his temper.
“Then stop using right now!” I shouted back.
“I will when we go back home, I promise!”
“Bullshit Drake, you can’t stop. Either you go to rehab or we’re done!”
His mouth opened and closed but no words came out.
“I mean it Drake, either you get your shit together or I’m walking out the door right now and I won’t be back.”
“You don’t mean that Chloe. You wouldn’t just leave me like that, you love me.”
“You’re right, I do love you. But I have to do what’s right for me too. I can’t be with you if you won’t stop Drake. I’m sorry, but I can’t do that again.”
“Just wait until we finish the tour, and I’ll go. I swear to you I will.”
“No, I won’t wait that long, either you go now or it’s over.”
“Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!” He shouted as he kicked the bag next to him and the contents scattered. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Because I love you, and I want you to get help! You haven’t been on them long and it won’t be hard to stop.”
“I can’t do rehab, just let me do this on my own. Please.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry Drake, but if you won’t go, then it’s time for me to leave.”
“You wouldn’t really leave me Chloe, think about it. I love you, hell I want to marry you someday!”
That hurt. I knew he was serious and I wanted to marry him one day too, but it wasn’t going to happen. He needed help and this was the only way I could think of to make him see that.
“Goodbye Drake, I love you.” I stepped closer to him and kissed his cheek.
“Chloe, please don’t go.” He pleaded, but I ignored him as I walked off the bus.
Jade, Eric, and Adam were all standing next to the door. They looked up as I stepped down onto the pavement.
“Everything ok?” Eric asked.
I was on the verge of tears as I shook my head. “I can’t do it all over again. If he won’t get help, I can’t be with him.”
“Oh honey, come here.” Jade held her arms out and I fell into them. “Don’t cry, he’ll get his shit together. You’re too important to him.”
“I hope you’re right, but I don’t know. He just let me walk away. I’m going to miss you guys so much.” I sobbed.
“Shhh, it’s alright.” Jade said as she rubbed my back.
I pulled away from her and wiped my eyes. “I have to get out of here, just watch out for him ok?”
Eric nodded as he hugged me. “Of course we will, you take care of yourself.”
“I will, I think I’m going back to Danny’s; Charleston is too far too drive from here.”
I stepped away from Eric and started toward my car, but Adam stopped me. He surprised me by wrapping his arms around me.
“Regardless of whether Drake is being an idiot or not, you’re still part of this band,” He said as he squeezed me tightly, “Even if you can’t play an instrument and you sing through your nose.”
I laughed. “Thanks Adam, that means a lot coming from you.”
“Just don’t get used to it. I don’t do this mushy shit.”
I waved at them as I stepped away from Adam and got in my car. They stood by the bus and watched until I disappeared around the corner. As soon as they were out of sight, I lost it. I pulled into a parking lot and put the car in park as sobs shook my body.
I had done the right thing, but it killed me. Drake was my life and now he was gone, just like that. I didn’t know where to go from here; since I had been with him, all visions of my future included him in them. I hoped that once he realized that I was serious, he would get help so that he didn’t lose me.
I waited until my sobs quieted to hiccups before pulling back onto the road. It was a long way to Ocean City and I wanted to get there as soon as possible. I knew Danny wouldn’t mind me staying with him again, but I felt horrible for abusing his hospitality. Hopefully I would only stay there for a few days and then head back to Charleston with Amber and Logan. They had decided to spend a couple of weeks in Ocean City to enjoy the beach, and Danny had offered to let them stay at his place while they were there.
I grabbed my phone off the console and dialed Danny’s number.
“Hello?”
“Danny? It’s Chloe, I need a place to stay.”