The Resurrection of Aubrey Mill

Chapter Twenty-Seven

My head is spinning so I just sprawl out on my living room floor in my pajamas among the trash and vodka bottles that litter it. I can’t stop staring at the fan, even though it’s making me sick as it keeps going round and round and round. My head bobs as I watch it, identifying with its repeated motions.
Round and round and round.
Spiraling.
Sinking.
I close my eyes. Round and round I go in my darkness as I drift off to sleep.
“Jesus Christ, Bree.” A familiar voice barely stirs me from my rest, but I don’t open my eyes. I just lay there and allow it to take me to another place as I dream. I dream of the heat of Kaeleb’s body, his soft lips as they mesh with mine, the taste of his tongue as he kisses me in a way that only he can. His touches aren’t sloppy or rough. They’re perfect as I allow them to blanket the constant ache in my chest. The one I still refuse to acknowledge but is always there.
And as my body lifts in my dream, I inhale his scent deeply and wrap my arms around his neck, holding him tightly as I’m tenderly reminded of his loss. The feeling of being near him soothes my heart, my mind and my soul. I lose myself in it as I drift further into sleep and for the first time in a long while, my body hums with contentedness, relaxing and unwinding as his essence carries me away.
I remain there as long as I can, until light begins to penetrate through my closed lids and the rolling of the road enters my consciousness. My head is pounding, my mouth is parched and pasty, and my body is trembling from the amount of alcohol my body was forced to process last night.
Slowly, I peel my eyes open, only to cover them with my hands at the bright light surrounding me. What the hell? My room is never this bright. Ever.
A harsh snicker fills my ears, the familiarity sending an erratic set of jolting shocks through my system.
“Some things never change I see. Once a vampire, always a vampire.”
My heart sputters and then begins to race, increasing the rate and intensity of the throbbing in my aching head.
Oh. My. God.
Shock morphs into anger as my hands drop to my chest and my eyes fly open, only to fall into a squint when they’re harshly reacquainted with the sun.
I twist my neck and shield my eyes to see Kaeleb sitting in the driver’s seat of his car, no smile on his face and his hands on the wheel. I reach over to the side of the seat and lift the lever, catapulting me into sitting position.
“What are you doing? How did you get into my apartment?” I shout, immediately wincing afterwards.
Another laugh is released with no absolutely no humor in its tone. “It turns out I not only have ninja hands, I also possess ninja charm.” His eyes remain forward. “Seeing as how you refuse to speak to me, I’ve been forced to keep tabs on you through Palmer. He called me yesterday, worried, and asked me to check on you, so I spoke to the apartment manager and finagled a key.” He glances at me as he shrugs. “Ninja charm.”
My eyes roll into my head before breaking away from him to look out the window. Deciding it’s easier on my head if I take it down a notch, I ask, “Where are you taking me?” Glancing out the window, I catch site of a familiar town café which sends more excruciating throbs to my pounding head. And as I eye my surroundings, it becomes blatantly clear where he’s taking me. I’ve passed through this town every single time I travel to Linda’s.
Absolute dread overrules the prospect of pain, and I don’t even give him time to answer before shouting, “NO! I’m not going!” Panic floods my chest and I fiercely shake my head back and forth. My nails dig into the seat underneath me and then I draw my knees up to my chest, removing my grasp and hugging them tightly as my head continues saying what fear has robbed my voice from shouting.
“You’re going, Bree. I’m sorry. This has to be done.” Kaeleb doesn’t bother to look at me. He just flicks the turn signal and glides into the other lane before shutting it off.
“Kaeleb, please.” My voice breaks and moisture pools in my eyes as my chin trembles. “Please, don’t make me do this.”
“It’s not going to work this time, Bree. You aren’t going to be able to ‘Kaeleb, please’ your way out of this. Not today. This is too important.”
“Kaeleb—”
“So help me, Bree, if you say please again I will completely lose whatever self-control I’ve managed to contain thus far.” His jaw ticks and he pulls his attention away from the road, glaring at me. “Please is exactly what got you into this mess to begin with. Please is what landed you right back into this bullshit martyrdom while practically drinking yourself to death in the process. And please is why I was forced to sit back and do absolutely nothing while I watched it happen.”
He shakes his head. “Nope. No more pleases. Mark my words…This. Shit. Stops. Today.”
My mouth flies open, but Kaeleb cuts me off once again. “Save it. We can hash this out when we get there, but right now I need you to remain quiet until we arrive.”
Tearing his eyes away from me, he signals again as he passes another car. “I’m too f*cking pissed at you right now to have any sort of productive conversation anyway. It’s just better if we don’t speak,” he adds, his tone clipped.
I close my mouth and grunt my agreement, turning to the window and setting my cheek on my knees as I watch the familiar terrain as it flies by. Mile by mile my anxiety grows exponentially until the point that when we finally pull into Linda’s driveway, my nails have dug into the skin of my palm, forming moon impressions tinged with blood.
Flexing my fingers, I set my bare feet back on the floorboard before turning to Kaeleb.
“How do you even know where Linda lives?”
He pulls the keys out of the ignition before reaching for the door handle. Opening it, he sets one foot on the driveway and offers over his shoulder, “Well, in a shocking twist of fate it seems we have become extremely close during your…absence.”
My face falls as he shuts the door and I quickly bound out of his car, following him to the entryway, surprised when he pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks her house. Glancing down at my attire, I begin to straighten my shirt and pajama pants when I realize I don’t even have any shoes. “You don’t need to worry about what you look like. She’s not here. You do need to take a shower before we go, however, because I refuse to take you to her in this condition. It would break her heart.”
“I can’t do anything about my hair, Kaeleb,” I respond, his condescending tone not helping with my agitated state.
He scoffs. “I’m not talking about your hair. You’ve got black smeared all over your face, Bree. You look like death warmed over, and if I weren’t so frustrated with you right now, I’d have a killer joke primed and ready, which kind of pisses me off in its own right.”
I lick my fingers and begin to wipe under my eyes just as he jiggles the handle, opening the door and waiting for me to enter. Black covers my fingers as I pass him by and say nothing, but that doesn’t stop him from speaking. Unfortunately.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” He grins a devious, toothy grin. “When I packed your clothes, I left the contact case. So, I guess when you take them out today, which you will, your freaky cat eyes will be a lost cause. Oops.”
I narrow my eyes and turn around. “What makes you think I’m taking them out?”
He mockingly replicates my expression. “Because I refuse to let you walk into that hospital – where that woman has been lying for a solid month now, waiting for you to call her, to check on her, to give her one single ounce of hope that you give two shits about her, all the while fighting for a life that you’re so quick to dismiss, and have her see you looking like…” He reaches forward and presses his thumb under my eye and slides it to the side before bringing it directly into my line of sight, “this. She wants you. Not Raven.”
Eyeing the black on the pad of his thumb, my throat constricts and I swallow slowly as I meet his glare. “I can’t go, Kaeleb.”
He drops his arm, exhaling his irritation and running his hand through his hair before answering. “You owe her this.” He tightens his gaze and his features harden. “You’ve already buried her Bree, but she’s still alive.” He shakes his head. “Look. I know we’re not in a good place right now, but one day when you wake up from this nightmare you insist on reliving, you’re going to realize what you’ve done. What you’ve sacrificed.” I watch as his face relaxes a smidge before he leans forward and whispers, “Regardless of what’s transpired between us, I care about you too much to let that happen.”
He turns his back on me, clearing his throat as he steps toward the door. “Take a shower. I’m going to get your clothes and I’ll put them by the bathroom for when you’re ready.” Placing his fingers on the handle, he jerks it open, adding before he steps outside, “And please, for the love of God, take the f*cking contacts out.”
The door slams shut and I stand there, completely taken aback not only with his obvious issue with my appearance, but the situation as a whole.
I know that Linda has been in and out of the hospital recently, but only because I’m usually forced to hear the first sentence of her messages before deleting them and texting her back. Kaeleb has a key to the house and knows his way around, which tells me he’s been here before. Possibly several times.
“…we have become extremely close during your…absence.”
Having Kaeleb bring me here and force me to come face-to-face with the situation, makes everything seem so real. I’ve managed to block the pain and detach myself from the harshness of this reality, but being here in this house with the loving memories of Linda everywhere I look, my barricade completely crumbles. I’m no longer safely secure inside its numbness. I’m suddenly thrust into feeling—for the first time in several months—every single emotion I’ve been avoiding.
My eyes fill with tears of frustration as I slowly drag my feet to the bathroom, my selfishness becoming painfully obvious. I know I disappeared when she needed me, but in my twisted mind I figured she was better off without me, that I would only cause more illness. I’d just hoped that, without me, her chances of survival would increase drastically.
Which, unfortunately, doesn’t seem to be the case.
My chin trembles as I flick on the light and glance to my reflection, watching the tiny droplets pool along the black smudges lining the bottoms of my eyes from the tears now being shed. My face is pale and drawn, my skin sallow, and the areas covered in black are swollen and puffy. I look like shit on the outside, but I feel even worse on the inside as disappointment begins to seep through my mind.
Disappointment in my cowardice.
Disappointment in my apathy.
Disappointment in the time I’ve wasted.
I don’t even know who the f*ck I am anymore.
“You’ve already buried her Bree, but she’s still alive.”
My hands find my face, covering my cheeks as my fingernails dig into the skin underneath them out of pure frustration. My heart aches with the knowledge that she was forced to face this fight without me by her side.
A battle she’s waging not for herself, but for me. For me.
Guilt overcomes me, and the piercing pain of its presence slices open my chest with the precision of a sharpened blade. Tears roll down my wrists and forearms as it penetrates, cutting and stripping away the layers of decay until only a small sliver which burns brightly with unwavering vitality remains.
I love Linda. She deserves more than I could ever possibly give her. Definitely more than what I’ve settled on providing her over the last several months with my nonexistence.
Shame fills my heart.
I should have been here, right by her side as she fights this impossible fight.
And with the allowance of that admission, I cautiously grip the shard of light, cradling it and nestling it closely as I guide it slowly into the voided space in my chest, then release it carefully. As the warmth sparks and begins to spread throughout, I breathe in slowly, enjoying the soothing calm of its presence.
It may only be a spark, but I find myself hoping that it continues to grow.
Tearing my hands away from my eyes, I open them, surprised by the flush in my cheeks as my coloring returns with vigor before leaning forward and plucking the contacts out of my eyes.
And then, against all odds, new-found determination sets in as I drop them in the commode and jump in the shower.