The Resurrection of Aubrey Mill

Chapter Twenty-Three

I run up the stairs as fast as I can.
Mommy’s friend Linda and I were on our way to a movie, but I asked her to turn around because I forgot to give Daddy his birthday card. She said I had ten minutes, so I have to hurry because she’s waiting in the car.
I really like Linda. She’s been taking me to do a lot of fun things lately. I think it’s because Daddy’s been really sad.
I like being with her because she makes me smile, even though I’m sad, too.
I miss Adley.
I miss Mommy.
And I miss Daddy, who just isn’t the same anymore. He hasn’t been since I was six.
He’s been visiting with a doctor to make him better, but he only seems to be getting worse. If he’s not locked in his office, he’s walking around the house, looking at the pictures of all of us together and talking to himself while he cries. Sometimes he talks to Adley and Mommy, but I try not to think about that. It scares me.
But I’m gonna make him smile today. It’s his birthday and I made him a card in my room. It’s on purple construction paper and I drew a picture of me, Adley, Mommy, and him right on the front. We’re all holding hands just like we used to. When things were happy.
When you open it up, there’s a big heart that I colored in pink marker and then I filled it with glitter and put a lot of my scratch and sniff stickers around the heart. Then right in the middle it says, I love you, Daddy! Happy Birthday! with a big smiley face. I worked really hard on it.
I hope it will make him happy. I miss when he’s happy. But maybe, just maybe, today will be a good day.
I can barely keep from jumping up and down as I open my bedroom door. I’m so excited.
Out of breath, I run to my desk and grab the card. Glitter falls all over the floor, so I make myself calm down so I don’t ruin it.
Turning slowly, I see an envelope sitting on my bed.
For me?
Now I’m even more excited!
I lay the card down and pick up the letter, tearing it open with a smile on my face.
After pulling the paper out, I unfold it and smile even wider.
It’s from my daddy.
Aubrey,
Please never doubt my love for you. But the pain…it’s just too much. I’m doing this to protect you from the absolute agony that is taking over my life. I know that I will never be the same. The person who I was will never be again. There is no hope for me. I’m broken, Aubrey. You will be better off this way. I know you will never understand this, and I don’t expect you to.
I just hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me.
I love you.
I don’t understand what he’s saying. Maybe he’s just having another sad day.
I glance over at my card.
I bet that will make him feel better!
After grabbing it off the bed, I fling my door open and take the stairs two at a time.
Just as I land on the floor, I run toward Daddy’s office, knowing that’s where he will be.
But when I’m almost to the door, I hear a loud bang. It’s so loud, I fall to my knees, barely able to cover my ears because my whole body is shaking so hard.
What was that?
I’m so scared.
I’m so scared.
Crawling toward the door, my fingers shake as I push it open and my eyes fill with frightened tears. I look up and see nothing but smoke in the air and something red dripping from Daddy’s desk.
I can do nothing but watch as it falls, forming a dark puddle on the wood floor.
Oh no.
“Daddy!” I scream, but there’s no answer. Just the sound of the blood trickling as the puddle grows larger.
“Daddy!” I crawl to his desk as fast as I can. I’m crawling so fast I slip in the blood, sliding forward and landing on my elbows.
Blood. It’s everywhere. All over my hands. My arms. The front of my favorite blue dress that I wore just for Daddy’s birthday.
“NO! DADDY!” I grab onto his pant leg and pull myself up. When I see the sight of his slumped body – his face, his head, the blood – I cry out as loud as I can, but there’s no sound. Nothing comes out as I force myself to look away.
The ache in my chest tightens with a pain that I know well. The pain that is always there.
I couldn’t save Adley.
I couldn’t save Mommy.
Now my daddy’s dead and I can’t save him either.
I look down to the card still in my hands. Its edges are covered in blood and it trembles within my hand while my tears fall onto its surface, making dark trails across the picture on the front.
My family.
I just want my family back.
I look at Daddy again and I hold the card tightly as I crawl into his lap. Closing my eyes, I press up on his body with all my strength until I feel him fall backward.
I don’t look.
I don’t dare look.
I set the card in my lap and feel for his heavy arms with my hands, holding his sleeves tightly and pulling them to me as hard as I can. I wrap his arms around my body and hold them as I turn to my side and rest my head against his chest. Just like Adley, there’s no beating heart inside. Just silence.
I hold onto Daddy’s arms, keeping them tight around me, and stare at the card of my family as I cry.
“I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry…” I mutter between sobs.
Because as I sit in my daddy’s lap, I know.
Every single death is my fault.
It’s my fault that Adley drowned.
And because of that, I killed my mother.
Now my daddy died to protect me.
It all makes sense.
“It’s my fault, Daddy. I’m so sorry. I love you…”are the only things I can say. I repeat them over and over again, hoping that just like in the fairytale books he reads me, the curse of death can be broken by the power of love.
But I know in my heart that it won’t be.
Because I know now.
I am death.
And I bring it to all who love me.
“Bree. Open your eyes for me.” A warm touch glides along my cheek.
“I’m here. Right beside you.” Kaeleb’s voice pulls me so that I am no longer bound within the memory. But there is no gasping. No need for air. I’m just numb. Hollow on the inside as his voice continues tugging, and I take flight, my body lifting towards the ceiling in the office where Daddy still lies below me, his face bloody and unrecognizable.
I watch from above as eight-year-old Aubrey Miller stands there, cataloguing the gory details of the memory, searing each one of them into my mind to ensure they will never be forgotten again. Once she’s done, she looks up at me, and with lifeless eyes and sorrow in her expression, she silently reminds me of why she should never exist. Of why I buried her in the first place and why she should never again be resurrected. I nod my understanding, casting one more glance to Daddy and then to the card lying in his lap, before slowly drifting back into the present.
My eyes open slowly, painfully, as the fluorescent lighting overhead burns into my irises. I blink them rapidly, trying to focus on the blurry image in front of me until it becomes clear. And so does the room around it as I’m slowly clued into the fact that I’ve landed myself in the hospital.
“There you are,” Kaeleb breathes, running his fingers down my cheek and then along the line of my jaw.
With the knowledge that I will be forced to say my goodbyes to him soon, the familiar sentiment pierces deeply into my heart, the pain excruciating. I grab onto his hand and press his palm against my face, leaning into its warmth as tears rise in my eyes. The knot in my throat aches right along with my heart as my eyes find his, the hazel orbs filling with unshed tears.
I know I have to, but I’m not ready to let go of him just yet.
I need more time.
Fear overwhelms me.
Fear from the memory of my father’s death.
Fear from the gory images as they replay in my mind.
Fear in knowing that I will be forced to watch it happen over and over, that they will never be contained again.
Fear in the knowledge that I won’t have Kaeleb by my side to take them away. I will soon be lost, not in him, but inside the recesses of the hell that is my mind.
These thoughts send me into sobs and as I hiccup them back, his arms curl around my shoulders and bring me to his chest. The scent that surrounds me only brings more tears as I clutch his T-shirt in my hands and pull him closer while he murmurs soothing sounds into my ear. His hands rub lightly along my back and my nose finds the crook of his neck, remaining there until the sound of a door opening disrupts the moment.
“Oh my God, Aubrey! You’re up!” I pull back from him, surprised at the sound of Linda’s voice as she enters into the room and shuts the door quietly behind her.
Her heels click on the floor as she makes her way to the side of the bed, holding two coffee cups in her hand. She hands one to Kaeleb, who releases me to take it from her, before she takes a seat right next to him.
“What are you doing here?” I ask her, my voice elevated from shock.
Kaeleb clears his throat. “I called her from your phone earlier. We, uh, brought you here after you passed out.”
Oh my God.
Quinn.
The bathroom.
Oh my God.
My eyes dart away from Linda to Kaeleb and he gives me a soft smile. “She’s fine. She’s going to be fine. They called her parents and they’re with her, right down the hall.” He reaches forward and covers my hand with his. “They said you saved her life.”
No, I didn’t.
I’m without a doubt, 100% sure that she was lying on that bathroom floor because of her association with me. But I don’t say that. I just redirect my stare to Linda. Her eyes are still puffy and bloodshot from our episode earlier. Her mouth dips into a frown as she says, “I’m so sorry, Aubrey. I know our discussion wasn’t easy for you, and then for you to walk in and find her in that condition…it’s no wonder you passed out, honey. It was a lot for you to take in.”
I make no response. I just shrug my shoulders as I’m reminded by her presence that Linda will be dying soon.
Kaeleb squeezes my hand and I transfer my attention to him. “The doctor wanted to see you when you woke up. Just to make sure you didn’t have a headache or anything that they should be concerned about. But I told him I didn’t think you hit your head so you should be able to be released soon.”
I inhale deeply. “Okay.”
Kaeleb narrows his eyes and angles his head, but before he can say anything, the doctor arrives. After a thorough examination, he gives me a clean bill of health and my release papers.
Once I’m up and on my feet, I shuffle to the bathroom to wash my face. Just as I close the door, I hear Linda and Kaeleb whispering, and they continue to do so until I reemerge. They cautiously watch me as I grab my purse. “I’m ready to go. Kaeleb, can you take me home, please?”
Kaeleb looks at Linda and then back at me. “Bree, I don’t think we need to go back there tonight. Why don’t you just let me take you to my apartment?”
I shake my head. “No, we have to go there. What about Walter?” I ask, knowing Walter isn’t the reason I need to go home.
Kaeleb eyes me for a second before answering. “I can run up and get him.”
“I need clothes.”
“I can get some for you while I’m getting Walter.” His eyes taper at the corners.
“I want to sleep in my bed,” I remark quickly, looking for any reason I can conjure.
“Bree—”
“I need to go to MY apartment!” I shout back at him and Linda’s body jars at my raised voice.
I avoid her eyes but lower my tone as I plead, “Please, Kaeleb.”
He glances at Linda who returns his stare before letting out a ragged breath, rubbing the back of his neck and looking back at me. His expression is defeated as he responds, “All right, Bree. Whatever you need.”
“Thank you,” I whisper before turning to Linda. “We’ll talk tomorrow?”
Her eyes light up and she releases a lengthy sigh of relief before running up to me and embracing me. “I’d love that, honey.”
I release her and give her a small smile as I step away. The relieved look on her face breaks my heart. I memorize her face, the light in her green eyes and her beautiful smile, taking in every one of her features before I turn and open the door. There will be no talking tomorrow.
Goodbye, Linda.
I swallow my tears and make my exit from the room with Kaeleb and Linda not far behind when I hear a familiar cry coming from a room down the way. Continuing my strides, I slow as I approach it, careful to remain unseen while I watch the interaction.
Quinn is lying in her bed, her face completely hidden by the heads of her mother and father as they both embrace her, their own sobs echoing through the hallway. Her bandaged wrists are wrapped tightly around their necks as they remain huddled together in their grief, their bodies shuddering in unison with each cry released.
I find comfort in the fact that they are mending their wounds, and hope to God that her parents will take care of her in my absence.
Goodbye, Quinn.
I place my hand on the doorframe to say my silent, heartfelt farewell, then continue past her room. Heading toward the hospital exit, I release a long breath, comforted by the fact that there are only two more goodbyes to go.