6. If your requests to your mate come across as nags or putdowns, try writing them in words that would be less offensive to them. Share this revised wording with your spouse. For example, “The yard always looks so nice, and I really appreciate your work. I’d love to thank you in advance for mowing the lawn this week before Julie and Ben come over for dinner.” Your husband might even respond: “Where’s the lawn mower, I can’t wait!” Try it and see.
7. Perform a major act of service like organizing the home office, and then post a sign that reads, “To (spouse’s name) with love,” and sign your name.
8. If you have more money than time, hire someone to do the acts of service you know your spouse would like for you to do, such as the yard work or a once-a-month deep cleaning of your home.
9. Ask your spouse to tell you the daily acts of service that would really speak love to him or her. Seek to work these into your daily schedule. “Little things” really do mean a lot.
Decoding Deployments with Acts of Service
During deployments, service members should keep in mind that spouses on the home front are doing acts of service for them daily by managing the home front solo. Spouses on the home front would do well to remember their service members are also serving them (and others) in their line of duty. However, if this is your spouse’s primary love language, going the extra mile to personalize the service will reap big rewards for your marriage.
1. To avoid needless frustration on the home front, be sure spouses have the necessary powers of attorney to manage affairs in the service member’s absence. (Note that there are special powers of attorney in addition to general power of attorney.)
2. Service member, make sure your property or vehicles are in good working condition before you leave in order to make life easier while you are gone.
3. Home front spouse, connect with your in-laws and ask them to share recipes that were meaningful to them when your spouse was growing up. Make up a family recipe book and tell him about it.
4. Home front spouse, create a special place where your service member can relax after returning home. If he is a hunter, create a lodge atmosphere with fishing and hunting items, magazines, etc. If she loves reading, create a reading corner with a comfy chair, good light, and well-filled bookcase.
5. Set up a goal list for the house. Send before and after pictures to the service member so he or she can see your progress.
6. Service member, arrange for the lawn to be cared for, the bills to paid, etc., in your absence. Make sure the home front spouse has a list of numbers she can call when any need arises.
7. Service member, surprise the spouse at home with some maid service, or arrange child care through a mutual friend so the home front spouse can get out.
8. Home front spouse, instead of saving up a honey-do list for your service member, take care of things as they arise the best you can.
9. Service member, if your spouse is ill, email friends near your home and alert them. Ask your church to bring meals to your home or make a run to the pharmacy.
10. Service member, record yourself reading stories to your children. This will not only be a service to your spouse, who can sit back and let you “take over” during part of the bedtime routine, but it will keep you present in your children’s daily lives.
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES?
LOVE LANGUAGE #5
Physical Touch
We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.
Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse.
THE POWER OF TOUCH