Southern Beauty

chapter 25

ohanna figured there was no way that David and she would ever be free to be together. March came and went with no word from Malcolm or David. Conflicts began to rise throughout the country. Ft. Sumter had fallen and in Baltimore a riot killed Union soldiers. It made Johanna sick to think it could have been David or Jacob. Virginia indeed had seceded and her uncle decided he couldn’t fight against his own state and family. It was a hard decision for him to make.

“He has been out in the gardens for hours, just pacing,” said Mary.

“What do you think he will do?” Johanna asked.

“I don’t envy him, it seems no matter what he decides, he will be fighting against friends,” Mary said sadly.

“Does it have to come to war?” asked Johanna fearful.

“I am afraid that is what it is leading to,” said Mary.

The women continued to watch Robert in the gardens. Both of them filled with anxiety about his final decision for different reasons.

“Now, what about this Malcolm I have been hearing about?” Mary asked trying to distract them from the heaviness of the situation. “Do you want to marry him?”

Just then Robert entered the room. Both women looked up with concern.

“I have come to the final conclusion,” he announced, “that I must resign from the U.S. Army.” He stood erect confident in his decision. “I will accept the position as commander of the Northern Virginia Army.”

Johanna and Mary began to cry.

“I cannot fight against my home state,” he added.

To Johanna it was like a knife had just ripped apart any connection that David and she had together. She felt the heart strings break one by one leaving her with only one decision to make; how to get over David McPherson.

“Johanna,” said Robert, “I am very grateful for your help in keeping my plans safe. I knew that I could trust you. I am sorry for putting you in harm’s way getting it to me. Mary said that it caused a lot of heartache as well?”

“I am glad I could help,” said Johanna. “I am just sorry the union soldier took the map. I found myself being deceived on several occasions. I didn’t know who to trust.”

“It is hard to know,” explained Robert. “Sometimes you just have to go with your gut.”

“Pardon?” asked Johanna not understanding his words.

“Go with what your heart tells you. It never seems to mislead,” he said.

“My heart has made me love one who is now our sworn enemy,” confessed Johanna.

“Johanna,” Robert put his arm around her, “you are free to love who you choose. I just want you to know that I have many dear friends in the North. I had to make a decision because of who I am. That is one decision you do not have to make. We will always be your family, always.”

Tears welled up in Johanna’s eyes. “Thank you for saying that, Uncle,” she smiled. “It doesn’t matter now. I fear I will never see him again.”

“I am a bit confused. What ever happened to Malcolm?” he asked. “Are you not going to marry him?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t heard from him,” she answered. “He told me he was going to meet you in New Orleans. Did you not see him there?”

“I never made it,” said Robert.

“I am finding he is not very trustworthy,” said Johanna.

“Nonsense,” insisted Robert. “He is a fine man. I hand picked him myself to escort you out of South Carolina.”

“Well, maybe he was delayed,” said Johanna. She wondered if she should tell her uncle about him shooting her and then decided against it.

“I must leave. I will send word if I am in contact with Malcolm. In the meantime, would you continue to hold on to my cigar box?” he asked.

“Absolutely, you can count on me,” she smiled.

“Good. I know it is safe in your hands. I will send for it when it is needed. Hopefully, this time it won’t cause you as much grief,” he said.

It had been almost two months since David jumped out of her carriage and out of Johanna’s life. He had the map and didn’t need her anymore she thought. She did have the plans kept safely in the cigar box skillfully wrapped around each aroma filled cigar. Her uncle had left it in her care once again until it was needed. She reread her Blackwood’s Magazine, “it’s a beautiful romance, but it is all so fleeting,” she frowned and then closed the book.

“There is a letter for you Miss Lee,” said one of the servants who handed her a sealed envelope.

“Now who could this be from?” asked Johanna.

Malcolm hadn’t sent word, a reprieve for her she welcomed. She just wasn’t sure if she really wanted to marry him. He had proven himself to be unpredictable and rather unreliable.

Johanna opened the envelope which bore her name. She felt the anticipation as if she were a child opening a special gift from a loved one. “Oh, it’s from Abigail!” she smiled at first. As Johanna hurried through the short letter her demeanor changed. At first pleased to hear from her dear friend and then quite distraught by the news it brought;

Johanna,I have scandalous news! You won’t believe it when I tell you. I hope you are sitting down. Your dearest Malcolm Graystone married Clarice Beauregard yesterday. The wedding seemed to come up quickly but they say they were privately engaged for several months. I pray you are not too upset. You still have your number three.

Forever your friend,Mrs. Abigail Jenkins

Johanna held the letter in her hand reading it repeatedly not quite sure what to make of it. She didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry. She felt quite humiliated with a tinge of relief in her heart.

She went over to her night stand and realized the cigar box was missing. Malcolm had taken it before he had left and she, the fool that she was, didn’t notice it until now.

Johanna ran to her aunt, who was in the drawing room sitting near the fireplace, a small shawl covered her shoulders.

“Aunt Mary,” said Johanna in a serious tone. “I have news about Malcolm.”

“Oh, is he coming back to marry you, my dear?” she asked.

“He is not, it seems he is already married,” said Johanna.

“What do you mean?” Mary asked.

“He married Clarice Beauregard,” said Johanna choking on her words.

Mary was stunned by the news and worried about her niece’s mental state.

“Oh, that is shocking news! That scoundrel, how could he do that to you?” Mary asked.

“You don’t know Clarice,” said Johanna frowning.

“He surprised us all. Robert really took to him,” Mary shook her head. “He is going to be so disappointed.”

“Yes, I am sure he is,” said Johanna.

Mary put her hand on Johanna’s shoulder to console her, “are you okay, my dear?”

“I actually am,” Johanna smiled realizing she now felt liberated. “I should have known, but I was too wrapped up in my own affairs to see it.”

“You know, Johanna, sometimes God closes doors so we don’t walk through the wrong one,” explained Mary.

“I think you are right,” agreed Johanna. “Now what do I do with the door that still lies open?”

“That is a question only you can answer,” said Mary smiling. “Is it a door you want to enter into?”

Johanna sighed, “More than anything.”

“Than what are you going to do about it?” Mary asked.

“I am not sure yet,” answered Johanna.

“Whatever decision you make, you know you have your uncle’s and my support,” assured Mary.

“I thank you. That means a lot to me,” Johanna smiled at her aunt. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You will never have to find out,” Mary smiled back.

Johanna found herself at the gardens to ponder her predicament. She had felt better once she arrived. She understood why her uncle went there for prayer and meditation, it was a peaceful place. She sat in silence. Her mind raced through the last three months. She closed her eyes not sure if she should trust what her heart was telling her.

“What am I to do?” she asked herself. “What if he doesn’t love me? What if this was all a ruse to get the map from me? What if I don’t find out?” She continued to ask herself questions that needed answers.

Johanna smiled as she stood to leave. “I know what I must do,” she put her hand over her heart, “I just need a little faith.”