Southern Beauty

chapter 23

h David, you have finally come back,” said Kathleen. She was surprised how happy it made her to see him standing there in front of her. He was as handsome as ever. She leaned in and felt him wrap his arms around her. His muscles tightened and she felt the strength in his arms as he hugged her. His hold lasted only a second before he let go.

Kathleen’s mind raced through all the memories she had of him. All the lonely nights she waited for him, knowing one day he would come to her and they would be husband and wife. And now he was here, but it was different. She really didn’t want to marry him. Now it was more the idea of him that she loved. She knew he really never loved her and doubted if he ever truly would. It was something she couldn’t bare. She let go of her hold and decided to let him go.

“Kathleen,” David didn’t know where to begin or even if he should. He noticed the warmth in Kathleen’s eyes harden, her manner changed in an instant, she held her head high.

“We are to marry tomorrow David,” said Kathleen.

“I know we are,” said David frowning. He tried to gauge her feelings. He didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he had to.

“It hurts me to tell you this,” Kathleen said.

She knows David thought. He tried to lean in to her and squeeze her hand in support, but she reeled.

“What is it Kathleen?” David asked.

She heard herself speak but she could not imagine where this courage had come from.

“You’ve been gone a long time, David. Sometimes feelings change, people change,” she said.

David eyed her with confusion. He again tried to put his hand on her hers, but she put her own hand up to halt him.

“What are you saying?” he asked.

“I am calling off the wedding,” she announced.

“I am sorry, I wanted you to hear it from me,” David apologized thinking someone had told her about Johanna.

She interrupted him, “please let me finish,” she paused. “I don’t love you anymore David, and I am pretty sure you never loved me.”

David was so taken back by her words. He was going to let her down. He was going to say these things, but not so abruptly and not so harshly.

“Are you upset with me?” David had no idea what was happening. This was not what he was expecting.

“No, David.” Kathleen’s harshness turned to its softness once again. As she spoke, she suddenly felt free. She hadn’t realized that this was exactly how she felt. She saw the panic in his eyes but knew relief was in his heart. She knew she was doing the right thing for both of them.

David still was feeling speechless. He wondered if he should try to change her mind. He suddenly felt afraid for his future. Life would be safe and normal with Kathleen. He was sure he could love her eventually, in time. Time was all he would have once he left the army. He remembered looking forward to coming home to family and friends, to familiarity. Everything had changed since then. Had Johanna been a siren in disguise? Was he making a mistake? David’s muscles tensed, he could feel the heaviness of his decision.

This moment would impact the very people he held close in his life. “What should he do?” he wondered.

He had to make the right choice. The safe choice was Kathleen. But Johanna, he didn’t think he would ever get her out of his mind or heart, even if he tried.

“I don’t know what to say. I thought you would be angry with me, especially because I…” he didn’t know how to finish, but she did it for him.

“You love someone else,” she said.

“Yes. I do. How did you know?” he asked.

“I had my suspicions when I discovered you were here for a week and you never came to see me,” she said.

“I am sorry,” he apologized. “That was very insensitive of me.”

“You thought she was dying. Why would you leave her side?” she asked with a knowing smile.

“You knew that too?” he asked sheepishly.

“David, everyone in town knew,” she said.

“I am sorry,” he apologized again. “I forget sometimes what a small town we live in.”

“Is she feeling better?” she asked.

“She is, thank you,” he said.

“Is she really Lee’s niece?” she asked curious.

“Yes, I am afraid she is,” he frowned.

Is the coach waiting for me?” Johanna asked Jacob while she tried to put on a brave face.

“It is. Are you sure you want to leave town without seeing David first?” Jacob asked.

“Absolutely, I am sure he has a wedding to plan,” Johanna said with a grim look on her face. She tried so hard to show her tough exterior even though her heart was broken within.

“He…”Jacob stopped what he was saying. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know where David was but he knew he would be devastated once he realized she had left.

Johanna hugged him and Emma goodbye and hopped into the carriage. The driver closed the door and through the window Jacob saw her do a small wave to him and then the carriage rolled out of sight.

“Where is David?” Jacob asked Emma.

Now that Johanna was out of sight on her way to Ravensworth, she let everything she had been holding in come to the surface and she sobbed uncontrollably. How could she let herself be so betrayed by everyone? She didn’t even know where her journey had begun. How she had gotten so far off the beaten path. She always felt in control of her life. Even when her parents had fled, she knew it was the right thing for her to stay. It hurt sometimes, but sometimes decisions did. Her mind raced through the inventory of men that came in and out of her life like a swift breeze right before a storm’s wrath. They all had promises of love and yet all betrayed her in one swift blow. It was disheartening to believe this pallid life she was leading could be hers. She was finally going to Virginia to be with family but now the excitement of it seemed more skewed and foreboding. She recited scripture that always gave her peace, “all things work together for good.” She wanted to believe this but she could never be as an unhappy as she was right now. She tried desperately to not love David.

“Jacob, I am here to see Johanna. Is she awake?”

David asked with a smile. “I have great news to tell her, the wedding is off.”

“David, it is too late,” Jacob mortified by having to break the news to David.

“What do you mean it’s too late? I am free to love her now,” David rushed to the room where he last saw Johanna. “Where is she?” said David scared now.

“She left, David,” Jacob put his hand on David’s shoulder to console him.

“Where did she go?” David asked.

“She left to Ravensworth to be with her family, where she belongs,” Jacob answered him.

“What do I do?” David asked his friend for advice.

“I think you should let her go,” Jacob said as he saw the surprise on David’s face who wasn’t expecting this from him.

“But, I love her,” David said.

“All the reason more you should let her go. She is angry with you and she thinks you betrayed her. How do you think this is going to end? We have failed our mission because of this and trust me, Meade will make us pay. They will never let us leave the army.”

“I will take the blame,” said David still in shock of losing Johanna.

“We just got word that Virginia is considering seceding. It is only a matter of time Lee will give his resignation. Her family is now considered traitors,” Jacob sadly said. “Everyone is going to be hurt by this, including you my dear friend.”

David’s mind was spinning. He had sprinted to Jacob’s with such joy in his heart, happier than he had ever been. He was ready to confess his love to Johanna, and instead he found himself faced with the realization that his happiness was only fleeting. He left in a daze, his mind in a darkened fog. He pondered every possible situation and could not find a suitable solution. He had no idea where he was walking. His mind continued to race as his heart broke with each step he took. He suddenly found himself at his family’s home standing at the doorway in tears.

“Son, are you okay,” Mrs. McPherson asked noticing his somber demeanor and led him to a chair.

“She is gone,” he whispered.

“Who is gone?” she asked.

“Johanna. I don’t know what to do,” tears slowly seeped down his unshaven face. “I can’t lose her, but I don’t know how to keep her.”

“Yes you do! Listen to your heart,” she smiled wiping away his tears with her handkerchief.

“My heart has betrayed me,” whispered David again, “It will never work out. We are now from two different sides. It is too late.”

“You will fight for your country but why won’t you fight for love?” Mrs. McPherson asked him.

David closed his eyes while he inhaled deeply. He then opened them this time with a new outlook and a new desire to take a leap of faith.

“Thank you,” David kissed her cheek and disappeared out the door.