Snow Falls

chapter Twenty-Three



“So Brad’s not the only guy you’ve slept with, is he?”

Jen felt herself blushing from head to toe at Cheryl’s question. She glanced around the bar, hoping no one had heard.

“Oh my God,” Cheryl said. “Seriously? That’s not normal.”

“Normal for whom?” Jen asked. “It was perfectly normal for me, considering I didn’t know a thing about dating—or guys—until I was a senior in college.”

Cheryl leaned forward. “So maybe that’s the problem. He’s the only one you’ve been with. Maybe you don’t have anything to compare it to.”

“What are you saying?”

“Maybe you need to, you know, date and stuff.”

Jen shook her head. “No. That thought is nauseating.”

Cheryl grinned. “The guy part? So then date women.”

Jen laughed. “Okay, that’s only slightly less nauseating. The idea of me going out and dating guys—or women—well, it’s frightening. You know, that’s just so out of my element. I’m not at all comfortable in that scene.”

“You write self-help books, for God’s sake. Do you not read what you write?”

Jen laughed again. “I don’t think I’ve ever touched on this particular situation. Besides, honestly, I hate yoga. And I can’t meditate worth a damn.”

“What? But every book—”

“I know, I know,” she said. “Yoga bores me. I’ve gone to hundreds of classes and I just don’t get it. I can do the poses, the exercises, but it doesn’t move me. I just can’t connect with it like most do.” She paused. “You know Susan wants me to start on a fourth, don’t you?”

“Yes. Are you still stalling?”

Jen nodded. “The desire is just not there. I don’t know how some put out six, seven, even ten self-help books. What can they possibly still have to say?”

“But motivational books still sell,” Cheryl said.

“Oh, I know. And I’m very thankful for that. But I just don’t think I can do another.”

“So you’re still going to try your hand at fiction?”

“I have a couple of ideas, and I have the time and resources,” she said with a shrug. “If I don’t do it now, when will I?”

“I just know how critical you are of your work. I don’t want you to get discouraged.”

Jen smiled. Yes, Cheryl knew her well. “I’ll try my best not to be my worst critic.”

Cheryl leaned back, watching her. “So how are you? I mean...you know.”

Jen stared down into what was left of her drink. “I miss her.” She looked up. “I miss her a lot.” She tried to smile but failed. “I thought I’d be over it by now. It’s been nearly two months. But I...I still miss her.”

“Have you told Brad anything about her?”

Jen shook her head. “No. But Brad’s been great. We’ve been able to transition into just a friendship so easily, I think he now realizes how forced our relationship was. For both of us.”

“Is he dating?”

“Haven’t you heard? He’s been going out with Michael’s sister.”

“The one that was at their party?”

“Yes. Tara. She’s younger, just out of college, but I think he really likes her.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Yes. I want him to be happy. We’re in a good place now. We see each other at least once a week, talk on the phone more.” And it was good. Their friendship had strengthened, and if she ever felt the need to talk about Ryan and her feelings—she felt certain he would listen.

Cheryl leaned forward, her voice low. “So when I start looking for someone to set you up with, should I look for a male or female?”

Jen laughed good-naturedly. “Are you asking me which gender is in my nighttime fantasies?”

“Do I dare?”

Jen looked away, remembering the very vivid dreams she had been having, dreams of touching, of kissing. Passionate dreams of making love. In each one, her fantasy lover was always Ryan. She looked up, knowing she wouldn’t have to answer the question.

Cheryl nodded. “I see.”

“I’m sorry if that shocks you or disappoints you in some way,” Jen said.

Cheryl reached across the table and took her hand. “You could never disappoint me. But I will admit, I’m still a little shocked by the whole thing.”

Jen smiled affectionately at her friend. “Thank you. And to be honest, I’m a little shocked by it as well.”