Snow Falls

chapter Twenty-Six



Ryan’s eyes fluttered open, then closed again. Jen was snuggled against her, still sound asleep. She finally forced her eyes open, the events of the night registering. The corner lamp was still on. Ryan watched Jen, her features relaxed in sleep. She had never seen anything more beautiful.

Panic set in. What have I done?

She untangled herself slowly from Jen, quietly getting out of bed. Jen stirred but didn’t wake. She stared at her, memorizing the curve of her face, the slope of her nose, her lips, her eyes, her mouth. God, that mouth had been everywhere on her body, it seemed. She closed her eyes for a second, taking it all in.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

She took a deep breath, then turned, picking up her discarded clothing and slipping from the room. She dressed quickly, trying not to think about what they’d done—what she’d done. She just needed to escape.

At Jen’s desk, she took a piece of paper from a notepad, pausing when she spotted Jen’s laptop. She ran her fingers across it, remembering many an evening with Jen curled on her sofa, typing away. Ryan shook the memory away as she grabbed a pen. She stared at the paper, not knowing what to say. She finally scribbled an apology and fled.

The sun was not up yet, and only then did Ryan think to look at her watch. Four thirty. She jogged to her rental car, pausing to look back at Jen’s house once before speeding away.

She didn’t understand her need to escape, but it was strong and she went with it. She sped down the unfamiliar streets, back to the highway.

“What the hell have I done?”

They hadn’t talked. Not really. It was like they couldn’t stop touching, couldn’t stop kissing long enough to talk. She never once asked about Brad, and Jen didn’t mention him. Hell, for all she knew, they were engaged by now. They might even have set a wedding date. She felt panic setting in again and pushed those thoughts away. She pounded the steering wheel with her right hand, cursing herself for what happened. But really, wasn’t that exactly what she’d hoped would happen? Why else had she shown up on her doorstep? She’d been thinking about Jen day and night, since the moment she walked out of her life. She just needed to get her out of her system, she told herself. And after spending hours in bed with her, surely to God she had.

But what about Jen?

She slowed, glancing in the rearview mirror. She should go back. She couldn’t just walk out on Jen like that. She met her gaze in the mirror and shook her head. No. She couldn’t go back. She sped up again, moving farther away from Jen with every second.

She couldn’t go back.


***



Jen rolled over, stretching her legs out. She was pleasantly sore. A sudden smile lit her face. It faded quickly, though. She knew even before she opened her eyes that she was alone. She reached over, feeling the coolness of the sheets. The house was quiet. Too quiet.

Ryan was gone.

She stared at the ceiling, feeling an ache in her chest. Ryan was gone. She forced herself out of bed, seeing her bra on the floor, her shirt and shorts, and she was very aware of her own nakedness. “We made love,” she whispered, steadying herself at the edge of the bed. “I made love with her.” Yes. And she felt incredibly alive. And Ryan was gone.

She took her robe, covering herself with it before walking slowly through the house. She saw the note and stopped, swallowing down the lump in her throat. Her hand was trembling as she picked it up.

“I’m so sorry, Jen. Please don’t hate me.”

She clutched the note in her fist, holding it to her heart. “Oh, Ryan, what are you running from?”